sad :(

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what a horrible day

ive really been trying hard lately , to stop all my bad habbits ,be a better preson, repent my sins etc ......

But today I just don't see the point .

feel so sad. Drained . Empty .

Been crying for an hour straight ,am now a puffy eyed, snotty nosed total f*****g state lol.

im just....so lonely.

I wish I had someone to talk to . someone to cuddle me and tell me everything will be ok, that these dark clouds will pass.

I don't really have many mates if im honest . I have plenty of party buddies , but like drink and drugs, they are short tream .

if im not happy go-lucky all singing-all dancing rox - they arnt really botherd about me.

not one of them came to vist me in hospital lol.

And not one of them noticed tonight , the tears under the tight , social smile.

ive tried to make new friends but I always manage to f**k it up somehow. im not exactly the best judge of chacuter ,always meet the wrong people.

And im scared to tell my family how out of control im feeling cos last time I let them see the truth, the horrible thoughts, the voices , it brought me 8 months in the nuthouse. I cant let them down again. silly, selfish, little girl that I am. f**k that s**t

delving into the stash of alcopops ive found at the back of the cupbored, which has taken the edge off slightly , but I need a more long tream solution lol..... I only wish I knew where to start ,

forgive the self pittying rants of silly old me.

I love you all

god bless

roxie xxx

There, there. I've been feeling low m'self.

I was in the vicinity of the local movie house this afternoon, and there are films I'd like to see, but I just came home and slept.

It sucks to watch as life passes you buy. I've been in this funk for months.

My weight gain is no help either.

I sold my one keyboard back to the store today and got royally raped.

I just tell myself that life could be worse.

to the worst pain, there is an end. nothing lasts forever. all things must pass. this will pass also. when one is feeling low, the best thing one could do [but also the hardest] is to pray for all the other people who also are feeling low.

I feel your pain.
The first half of today was like that for me. I got lucky, I talked to two people that are intelligent and competent, and care.
There's nothing like interacting with competent people to lift my spirits and optimism again.

Couple things I'd like to say. Do not kick yourself over your bad habits. It does not help, ever. You have to be able to walk past them, not stop to be beat up by them, whether by yourself or the habits themselves. You have to et them go.

The voices you mention, if they are actual voices in your head you really might need meds for that. It can help. There is no shame in that.