I just want to be Normal

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i hate being me i hate aspergers syndrome
all my life i cannot do anything right
i can not drive a car or maintain a job
i have trouble concentrating and listening to others i just lose focus its the same with driving
what i hate most is all those people who say theres nothing to be ashamed of having autism
and all these positive strength things that come with it
if they've met me they will all disagree
i feel socially isolated i cannot relate to others i've never had a friend in my life
i just wanna be normal why can't i be normal i hate my life
give me one good reason why i shouldn't kill myself or someone else just to make me feel better
my parents really piss me off i hate them so much its because of there bad genes that i'm in this situation
theres also a lot of people that bullied me in high school i would like to harm them too.

You are who you are and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you can try make the best of it. What are you good at? I am good at maths. Find what you like and try get a job that relates to that and as for driving its not as hard as it seems just take it slowly

What is normal anyway? Is normal being allistic, or does it mean being granted neuroprivileged social status. Also some people use the term neurotypical but the term neurotypical is too broad a concept in non autism. hence use the term allistic for people without learning disabilities or autistic spectrum conditions, those who do not fit into the developmental disability spectrum. OK it may not be a bed of roses being on the autism spectrum so there is no need for self hatred because allistic society has indoctrinated people to hate themselves for being non allistic through a mediun of information called propaganda and created a stigma. It would be nice to not have sensory issues. But to be allistic, No I would not want to change my Asperger syndrome but I would not want to change that just because osme allistic people have a problem with that. I don't think anybody should feel ashamed of who they are just because they are autistic.

I agree! Most people that don't understand us only have a milder form of autism.

Well i am ashamed of who i am not just cause i have aspergers syndrome but based on life experience
normal is just that
if i didn't have aspergers syndrome my life would be very different
i wouldn't still be living at home
i would have moved out and be capable of holding a job
have a social life with many friends
got my drivers license
this is not simply based on the fact that i have aspergers so its why i'm in this situation
because of my sensory issues i can't work or go to certian places
with people i don't understand after talking with them its like they try to avoid me make up some excuse just to stay away from me
there is no way i can contribute to society or anyone else i am a drain on resources i have done the math my life will be filled with disappointment and other bad things
so theres no point in suffering no point for my existence why do i even exist if i will go through all this sadness
i'm still young not even 25 yet but i don't wanna suffer this way the rest of my life i hate it.

Hi, we can help you at least two ways right here at wrong planet.

We can share skills. For example, with driving, I try and look past the first row to the second or even third tier of cars, I don't stare I lightly scan back and forth. I try and go with the flow of traffic, sometimes slightly slower in the rightmost lane. I try and be vaguely aware of who might be in my blind spot without looking back more than momentarily, and also trying to stay out of other driver's blind spots. It is a set of learnable skills, and other people can help, too. And if you can't learn driving because of perceptual issues, you almost certainly can learn other things.

And the second thing we can do is put you in touch with resources. For example, there is ASAN in certain cities in the United States and the UK. Possibly, they're still new, but they might be able to put you in touch with volunteers who can help with practical life issues. Try not to be against them if they can't but I really hope this is one direction autism activism develops in.
http://autisticadvocacy.org/chapters/

As an analogy, look at gay rights. In the early 1970s a gay person faced pretty bleak options, they could pretend to be someone they weren't, they could kill themselves, yeah, pretty bleak. Well, today, we have people like Temple Grandin, John Elder Robinson, Tim Page who are talking about autism. And hopefully, members of the general public will start getting, oh, okay, sensory issues are real issues. And when a person on the spectrum looks to the side when you are talking, well, they can either watch you or listen to you, it's actually a sign of respect when they look to the side and listen intently. It will take a while, but we will get more and more people who understand autism.

I know how you feel. I was diagnosed at 8, and I'm still wondering why it's me with the disorder and nobody else around me has it. Thinking about that too deeply just panics me.


Yeh. That sucks too. It took me 3 years to actually pass my driving test, and now it's nearly 4 years since the day I passed my test and I haven't even got myself a car. I've just got too used to getting buses, that the responsibility of owning and running a car just makes me anxious. Also I'm worried in case I might misjudge a speed or distance of another vehicle and end up crashing. Some videos I have seen on the internet of terrible car accidents have frightened me for life.


My mum tells me there's nothing to be ashamed of having AS, but I feel that there is. I am not very knowledgeable, nor intellectual, and all I do is feeling emotions very immensely, which can be as bad as the opposite (feeling no emotions). I am also extremely self-aware, which also isn't good because being an Aspie with too much self-awareness causes major social anxiety. I'd rather be a more moderately Autistic with less self-awareness and be more self-absorbed, then I can just concentrate on my special interests and that's it, instead of trying to make other people happy and being liked and avoid being rejected or humiliated. I can feel embarrassment like most NTs, I can't help it.


I have friends here and there really. Some are 40 years older than me, others are just friends with me because they fancy me but can't seem to see that I'm not interested in a love relationship, and others also have disabilities and rather not come out and socialise too much. And I have acquaintances at work but I don't hang out with them outside of work. I'm not complaining about any of them, they are all lovely people and I love having their friendships, but I see other people hanging out with their peers and being accepted in a small group and arranging to do different things and enjoying their young lives. I do wish I could make friends better.


I want to be normal too. Really bad. I try telling myself that I'm normal (and so are you) but then there are people on WP who strongly believe that being Aspie=not normal, and then they convince you that there is nothing bad in being abnormal. But I think it is. I don't think it's bad as such, but I just think it can be upsetting at times, and make you feel isolated and separated from the rest of the world.


The only reason I can think of right now is I gather you are probably having one of your moments, like I do. I often get all angry with myself and different things and then run straight to the Haven on WP to pour out my problems, which is a good thing. So right now I take it you're having a similar moment to what I have and so feel that the whole world is against you and that you're just threatening to commit suicide at this very moment. My point is, I really think you are a good person, so just stick life out like I have to, which means carry on. I know it is hard.


I think my AS has come from my mum's side, because a few of her distant relatives (ones I don't ever see) apparently have been diagnosed with AS and others with learning difficulties. Thankfully nobody has classic Autism. Also there seems to be a slight AS trait in most of the people related to my mum, like a lot of them are introverts who attract the wrong friends/partners and dislike socialising. I reckon too much of that trait has gone to me and made me into a true Aspie, while they can still all get away with being NTs and still have a better chance of making friends than I do.


Yeh, I feel bitter about high school too. I got targeted and picked on, especially whilst walking home from school. I even got tripped over once, and almost fell into the road, by this boy who was younger than me but knew I was a perfect target to pick on. Then when I got back at this little s**t who tripped me up, (I pushed him against the lockers in the school), I got in trouble. You can't win.

it's not just driving
and lack of friends
but i'm really not good at anything
i have no special skills or talent
i can't do anything right

When interacting with people, I always feel I can't do anything right. I have developed relationships (with a huge amount of work on my part) over the years but they come and go. I have very few friends at any given point and there's always the possibility they will betray me. Its the best I can do. I was never exceptional in school but I got by ok. It took me 2 tries to get my license and then I had several fender benders for years because I would lose focus and get impatient.

We all have a range of abilities and it really comes down to what do you enjoy.....? what have you not done yet that you think you might like? We are a mix of contradictions. While its impossible for me to handle big social events like weddings, I can give a presentation to a large group of people. And while I have a lot of allergies, I also have kind of have a sixth sense when it comes to some kinds of animals. So nothing is perfect. and with the way society is set up, its basically normal for us to go through periods where nothing feels right. Sometimes its a daily struggle.

Amen to that one.

I'm more of a generalist and don't really have the classic special talent. And my interests shift over time, from philosophy, to managerial accounting, tax policy, issues of public health the last couple of years. And I do make mistakes.

And if you're living in an environment where people are ragging at you and generally against you. Well, for me, when I'm getting a drumbeat of criticism from family, or co-workers, or fellow students, it's very hard for me to deflect this and not end up believing some of it.