I should've been more specific, my "work" are the films I do in my spare time. I work professionally for a company doing film production work. It's a good steady job, but i fear I'm losing my best years working at a place without a future. I want to make a really beautiful work of cinema that people will love, so I'll at long last finally matter in the world. Something really good that people will cherish.
I think I've got some projects that could be just that, but dammit all these doubts and fears I have that I'm simply not good, that I'm not meant to achieve anything, that I'm meant to be nothing more than a lifelong bachelor who dies and there is no one to attend the funeral, because no one cares.
I want to know I mattered in some way, and I'm terrified of dying now, and no one will miss me or care. All I have are my parents, and if I lose them, then I've got nothing.