I need advice on forgiving myself for what has passed

Post Reply New Topic

All I could use some advice. I'm having increasing trouble lately, resolving lingering issues over my past. I just can't escape it, and thinking to myself about all the things I wish I'd done differently and had done better, and wondering where I'd be now.

Wishing I had been better at math to get into that advanced course. Wishing I'd taken more advanced placement classes. Wishing I hadn't had so many injuries that hampered my running in high school. Wishing I'd been smarter, more popular, more outgoing. Wishing I'd gone to a more high profile school. Wishing I had gotten accepted into that great arts school, instead of having to go to the one school that accepted me. Wishing I could've afforded a different school, instead of going for the one that offered me money. Wishing I had found someone to love in college so I wouldn't now be dealing with life and the fears I now have alone.

So many things I want to do over, that now I look back and feel a failure. Which isn't logical. I mean, I made it through six years of school and two degrees without any debt, I've got a job doing the work I think I'm meant to do, and I've got my own place. But I wonder, if only I had done more back then, worked even harder, and been a better, more perfect person well rounded and social and outgoing and charismatic, how much farther along I would be in my dreams of being a full fledged independent filmmaker.

As is, I'm scared to take risks because I fear I'll lose what little I've accomplished up to now, because I look at the past and see all the times I failed, and I fear I lack what it takes to succeed in a bigger way. It's crippling me.

Two degrees (no debt!) and a job in your field of study.......... Most people don't have what you have.

Human beings are conditioned to never be satisfied. If you became a bigshot independent filmaker you still wouldn't be happy. No amount of material success will be able to overcome this low self image of yours.

Just my personal opinion but it doesn't seem like you've failed at all...maybe there are things you could have done differently but I am sure everyone has regrets and feels they could have done better in some things but that is in the past. I don't know the way I see it there is nothing to forgive because you did nothing wrong and certainly aren't failing at life.

I never made it through college, am too dysfunctional to work and waiting on SSI....at least you're not in that position. I know feelings like that can be hard to get rid of though even if you are doing alright in life, I guess I'd say try not to be consumed by those 'what ifs' as it can just cause you to dwell on it more and question all the things you have accomplished. If need be maybe talking to a therapist would help if its really getting to you.