Open letter to the depressed

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I write this for me as well as for you.
Having an emotion dismissive attitude is harmful. Emotion dismissing is saying you should get over your emotions because you simply aren't allowed to have them.
You have to remember that you are allowed to feel all of your emotions, and you sometimes have to try and get through them. Not on your own, but it is your own personal responsibility - even though it isn't your fault that you are in this state of mind. You will have to find the resources or professionals that could make you feel better, whether it is now or in 10 years. It will probably be hard, because depression affects motivation and you and everyone around you will have to remember that. Do not feel guilty. You are worth not giving up on. You are worth happiness, whoever you are.
When you say or think that you are or feel worthless because of something you perceive yourself to - or do indeed - have or lack, you are saying that you think that has something to do with human value.
It is a completely natural call for comfort and help, a way of asking for someone to convince you otherwise. Those close to you might not be able to, and it isn't their job - negativity is triggering. This is why professionals can help you, because their job is to not get affected while helping you.
If you manage to convince someone that you are right in your self-hatred, then think about how they will view you as a result of that. Think about how they will view others like you.
The only reason you feel this way might be because of others judgment. Don't agree with them.
Many of us have things we dislike, or used to dislike. These are things to either change or - more often - change the way we think about. Nothing more, nothing less.

All this dreary emotional work is hard - though it can be fun at times too! You do not have to put all your energy into it and it's ok if it takes a while and you take many hiatuses.
Think about and do things that make you happy. A lot.
If you like playing games - play for 12 hours. Or 24. It's much better than being sad.
If you do not yet have anything that makes you happy, search until you find it or give things a chance - it might be fun after all.

Last edited by Anomiel on 06 Jun 2013, 11:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

we can also listen better, to our fellow humans.

Yes

Why bother, since most people gave up listening to me whine and complain years ago?

If that isn't just what it feels like, they may just have reached a saturation point. It's not that they don't care, it's that it becomes overwhelming even though your needs stay the same and are as important. Many are raised to be emotion dismissing and then they take an unhealthy attitude to emotional distress, or have problems too, and then might have a limited capacity for listening.

I will listen to you.

Meistersinger, you should take that offer, auntblabby is a good listener from what I know.
I can talk with you about things that make you happy, but I am not that good at comfort.

I feel I should tack on my opinion that viewing dismissal of one's emotions as acutely harmful to those around you is only reasonable when said depression has led to visible, verbal or physical anxiety. Ordinarily these mental processes occur more or less under everyone's nose, and too much of that is what exacerbates the tendencies that drag others down. Personally, I'm open to the possibility that seeking professional help would depress me more than the peaceful introspection you advocate; money is somewhat tight for my family, and I find few things more saddening than paperwork. Not to mention I wouldn't really know where to start, aside from seeking diagnoses for whatever inhabits the rest of my brain.

I agree, but I think it is possible to politely tell someone that you can't/don't want to handle their emotions without dismissing their right to - or validity of - emotions, which is where most go wrong. I have borrowed the phrase "emotion dismissing" in my own way, but here is the article that got me interested in that concept - http://www.thedirtynormal.com/2011/09/2 ... -coaching/ (this focuses on others reaction to emotions, but she talks a lot about emotions and depression in other posts).
I wish I could put together a Get out of depression-card or a resource kit, but many others are better than me at that and what works for you will be so individual. This is more of a reminder that there are resources. This is long, but I can give you some guidelines:

1. Self-help books (websites, videos). Many self-help books are terrible, but not all of them. You want to make sure that the reasoning of the book is sound and that the author knows what they talk about. Some books about positive thinking paradoxically involve emotion dismissing. Positive thinking is important, but for many "think positive" means "get over it" depending on their definition, and you will need to find resources on how to change your perspective for real first.

2. Techniques. Learning the techniques and theories and science behind depression and other psychological things, including happiness, might help a lot. This can range from technical books to fluff. Is often found in books that aren't labeled "self-help", though they often have that information too.

3. Activists and educators. If you are insecure about something, or want to find others like you, look at what the activists are saying on that topic. They often have links to other resources. There are activists and educators on almost everything, available for free on the internet. Even if you can't accept what they say as truth about you, accept that it is true about others that share the same thing. This might be triggering, as it's often reminders of what society says (which might be what got you into this mess in the first place), but then they tell us how and why that is wrong. Focus on those that have good writing and which are primarily about their own theories. Being angry is neither positive nor negative in this case.
Enter "I love [whatever]", "[whatever] activism" or "[whatever] pride" in a search-engine, and mentally filter the bad results that might turn up.

4. Professionals and organizations. Seeing any kind of mental health professional could be beneficial, but not all of them are good. They should offer much more than just diagnosing the problem, they should offer to help you with it. It helps talking to someone that is certain to listen, and many NTs see them because of that. It is important to mention that they are expensive, and that they might not help autistics (they might even view natural things for us as pathological and focus on those things rather than on the depression itself).
Some organizations can help you with issues surrounding mental health professionals, how to find good ones etc, or help you in other ways depending on what the organization is for.

5. Alexithymia and other differences. As many autistics have alexithymia, allowing yourself to feel your feelings might be different than for NTs, and resources often assume the reader/viewer is NT. You will have to translate. There are resources available for people with alexithymia. Other things can differ too, like the definition of happiness and what's important for it.

6. Happiness. You will have to find resources on happiness too. What is happiness?

There are books and videos and articles available for free, and those that are not free might be found anyway.

^ Thank you for the link. I found it very interesting.

That's exactly what I'm crunching about in my brain lately. And I seriously wish I did not have to tell anyone that, let alone anyone who's managed to understand all this about me.

edit: Much appreciated! I hope this thread continues, I know I'll be around to clear things up.

Thank you for thanking me for the link You should write a comment there too if you haven't already, so the author gets to hear it
I want to print out and laminate the emotion dismissing/emotion coaching table and hand it to everyone, it's so important.

It takes meds for me. They don't have any other side effect except to get rid of the depression. At this particular moment I'm very, very depressed cause I don't have meds. I know that I can get out of this, but I just need the meds. It's a brain chemical thing for me, but it isn't for some others.

How come? What wouldn't you want to tell anyone? All this is so universal.

As a result of "having to translate' it's difficult to be sure I'm not weighing on someone I care about and articulate that my misanthropy isn't a response to her kind demeanor. This person knows I'm AS, in essence I'm not sure if this would be too much information.

I know it seems like I talked about situational depression when talking about thinking differently, but it is the same neurological thing that happens there too.
If you are depressed you have the same thoughts that every depressed person gets and learning how to cope, at least while waiting for your medication to start working, would maybe feel good.
If it's too little serotonin, noradrenalin or dopamine you can raise those levels by eating foods or supplements that convert to those neurochemicals. Having fun actually has an effect on those neurochemicals too. Numbing of emotions is not a side-effect of antidepressants, for many it is the only effect. If you are in a situation that requires emotional numbing, then you should do your best to handle that situation too. I'm glad meds work for you.