I can't let something go and it's destroying me.

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Hi all. This is my first post here, so I'd like to say thanks for having me, I'm really glad I found this place.

I'm really struggling at the moment. My problems seem to consume my whole life. I'm only happy or at peace when I'm asleep. I have OCD, aspergers, severe dyspraxia; I'm always anxious and am 60% of the time quite depressed. I've been on medications but the doctor took me off them a long time ago as I felt they didn't help, they just turned me into a zombie.

This post is about a big problem I'm having, it is very negative and I don't want to trigger an episode of any kind for anyone so if you're one of those people who can be set off by reading about another persons problem/negative frame of mind then I suggest you don't read on.

A situation occurred last week where I feel a local youth was rude to a member of my family while I was there, the family member in question has said "it's no big deal, he didn't know who I was, when he was told who i was he quietly left; it wasn't personal just let it go". Here in lies the problem. I keep feeling like I should have stood up for my family but I didn't I just stood there. I feel like I should have confronted the guy head on at the time, and i told my family this and they said if I'd done this then I'd have been wrong as it would have caused more problems. They said it was a slightly rude misunderstanding, but not a big deal.

After asking many people, I realize it wasn't a big deal, but as usual my perception of the situation is completely alien to what the situation actually is in reality. The problem is I can't let it go. I feel this guy has been rude to my family. I feel I let my family down by not reacting, even though I'm the only one bothered by this. The reaction I was considering was apparently much too strong given what had happened. I'm so frustrated and out of touch with reality. I was having a depressive rough week before this happened, it seems this small mishap has triggered a huge episode. Generally I take everything personally. I'm bullied by my conditions. My ocd keeps stubbornly driving the whole event through my mind like a nail, every word that was spoken is replayed over and over in great detail like a cd on repeat every moment I'm awake. I'm so anxious. I haven't left the house since it happened a week ago. I demand closure but can't have it as I don't know the guy who caused the problem. I can't let it go, I just keep replaying events over and over and over and I feel guilty like I should have done something at the time. Logic tells me it was no big deal. Just a rude person acting as such. This happens in life from time to time. If I understand this why can't I let it go??? It is torture. All my problems (aspergers, ocd, dispraxia, add) all seem to be working in tandem to ruin my life at the moment. This event has kicked them all off. I'm driving myself up the wall and can't find any relief. Why can't I let this go if I understand it wasn't a big deal? How do I let this go? Thanks for reading.

Process all of the feedback you've been given and remember it's your perception of the event that's thrown in the bit of bad code. I imagine this is the first time this sort of thing has happened, otherwise you'd have a more positive experience to draw on to get past this sooner. Has anyone you've spoken with affirmed that maybe if you had reacted with an intent to avenge a damaged reputation it could have escalated and things could have turned out extremely ugly? Part of what prevents me from telling off people who commit sensory battery against me is the presumption that they could be carrying a loaded firearm and are begging for an excuse to discharge it.

Hi thanks for your reply. I appreciate your response. This sort of thing happens from time to time with me, something triggers it then I'm off the rails for weeks. Obsessing and thinking. I usually just dwell on things until they stop being important but this is a particularly intense episode I'm having so I'm at a loss as to what I can do to get some relief. I live in the UK where guns are illegal so the chance of someone drawing a gun is remote I'm relieved to say. Physically I can handle myself, it's physically not a problem for me; but if I had reacted this way I'd be mentally obsessing 24/7 over the many possible negative repercussions which would stem from me having just beat someone up; (police, violent retaliation) this stops me reacting this way as it just isn't worth the mental torture; I'm not a violent person by nature though as I believe no conflict can truly be resolved through violence, unless you're physically defending yourself. It was spelled out to me that had I reacted this way I would have caused more problems than I'd have solved; and I knew this as I'm a sensible man so I just did nothing. But I feel guilty and ashamed I did nothing. My possibly violent reaction would have been due to pride, and like they say; pride comes before a fall. I just don't have the mental stability or energy to get into a 'beef' with anybody, even during times I feel I should stand up and be counted . I'd go into overdrive with worry and over thinking, so I'm usually a pacifist. I just feel trapped, depressed and wound up to no end by anxiety, my over analytical nature and stubborn depressive frame of mind. Sleep eludes me, and logical thought as a resolution is pointless as for some reason I just can't let this go from my mind and it's driving me up the wall.

That's the thing about aspies, or maybe I should speak for myself - letting things go and obsessing is like a curse. I've ruminated over the same topic and created unhealthy scenarios in my head for days, weeks and months over situations I couldn't control. It drives me crazy. The only panacea I've ever found was time the avenger.

Hi thanks for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one , and as you say time does indeed heal all wounds; but at the moment time goes so slow, and as you yourself know, this fact that it will all be ok one day doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the here and now when something has well and truly 'rattled your cage'. Thanks again though for replying.

The 1 million pound question is this:- How do I let this go?

Your OP could have been written by me at one time or another. I'm afraid the only definite answer I can give your last question, is "eventually". Not getting closure is a female dog for me too.

I am like this too, over the years you accept it will pass.
Decide to stop thinking about it any longer.
Set a time when you will write on a piece of paper "I will not let this bother me any longer!"
Flush the paper down the loo or throw it into a fire or burner.

Forget about it and if you find your mind taking you back - think of something that interests you more.

Backing down and resisting things you obsess about is super hard.

For the first time in a long time on Saturday, I was able to walk away and let things go for things that I realize I was getting worked up over to the point where I was almost having a meltdown.

The first was when I found out my friends sister makes jewelry and had a bunch of jewelry supplies from her grandmother. I make jewelry. I had just made a set of earrings for my friend and his sister's mother, and had an idea for a second set that I was going to put together for her. Previously it could have been the end of the world, but I had to finish that set of earrings, but on Saturday, I had to go with my friend to a farmers market. It was a struggle to quit. My friend stood and watched me as I put away the things and later commented that I looked like I was struggling to as my hand hovered over the bead container and didn't want to let go of the beads. He said that I had a look of sadness mixed with confusion as I quit what I was doing so we could go. I didn't want to stop, but I made myself do it somehow.

The second time was later that night during a gaming session I had with my friends. I just couldn't understand the written rules with what the DM was saying. He was telling me to ignore the book, and listen to him, and then he'd refer to the rulebook, and none of it was making any sense, and normally I wouldn't let it go. I'd keep on arguing what various things meant and how none of it made sense and demand an explanation that made sense, and I finally realized what I was about to go into a meltdown, and I put a stop to it. I told him to stop explaining it, that I didn't understand what he was saying, or what the rulebook had written in it, and just said, tell me the end result, and I'll go with it regardless of if I understand it or not. It was super frustrating because normally I get how the game mechanics work, but it was like he was speaking greek, and I was reading greek, and I just wanted to have an understanding, and my brain refused me to back down from trying to understand it, but I stood up to my myself and had to quit that line of thought. The next day, I had a few one sided conversations with myself over my inability to grasp the game mechanics, but I was over it. Previous times this has occurred, I've ruined gaming sessions with trying to argue and get explanations, and understand things when I wouldn't just let it go.

So somehow I figured out how to back down and walk away from what I was obsessing about without getting into a meltdown. Now I just need to figure out if I can repeat this everytime. I don't know what was different on Saturday compared with all the previous times, but I'm working on it.

I was like this for months regarding the unfair and downright underhanded way that my former property manager and landlord conspired together to get me and my mother put out of our old apartment back at the end of last October (we moved out on December 3). For months I screamed about how I wanted to get revenge on them, take them to court over what they had done, etc. Finally, I decided to let it go and decided that karma will take care of their sorry butts better than anything I could ever do, I figure eventually it will come back and bite them real hard on the butt and boy, will it hurt! I kinda feel sorry for the poor saps, because they have no idea of the repercussions that will come back to haunt them someday because of their actions.

Welcome.
I feel the best thing you can do is distraction, get yourself busy and keep doing it.

Develop a new interest, find some jobs to do, fix something, just keep busy. Do some exercise that requires concentration.

People like this guy are not worth your time and energy.

Thank you all for you're great advice. It's so good to hear from people I can relate to. I get some comfort from the fact that I'm not the only one in this position, and you know what; suddenly I don't feel so crazy.

I hope I get over this soon. It's tearing me apart every day, bullying me. One day at a time is the best I can do I guess. Thanks guys.

It's ok to be crazy... crazy awesome... like a poptart. And it's ok if you don't like poptarts. I don't really like poptarts, but the commercials are amusing.