I am new.....have two poems to offer....

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This one I wrote when we had to leave a church because of certain people in charge....now I have diagnosis - the last part in particular is poignant. We are still in charge with half the people and are at a new church with lots of support for all...

Where did you go?
Where are your promises
...offers of friendship
and love
There's nothing left
Nothing but your unwritten list
Screaming in my ears
FAILURE, DIRTY, STUPID, UNACCEPTABLE
MORAL THREAT
Because
It wasn't friendship you offered
It was "approval"
And when I didn't read the list
you did not give me
I transgressed your hidden rules
I did not fit your "status quo"
I stepped on your sensibilities
you said you did not have
So people must be warned
STAY AWAY FOR YOUR OWN SAKES
She'll drag you all to HELL
with her
I'm guilty yes........
Guilty of not getting your hints
Guilty of hoping you'd open your eyes
Guilty of naivety that left me with
Nowhere to turn.



And another....written today...


I am hiding
In my corner
No need to fear
When I am here
Quiet
Dark
Safe
No one to disturb
The quiet pattern in my mind
That brings me peace
Of solitude
Or water!
How I love it's
rippling sound
softly or
majestically
feeds my soul
calms my spirit
settles my mind
swallows dancing
an abstract ballet
Give me understanding
that I may find some peace
round you
that your soft ripples
of understanding
will draw out the
hidden beauty
that is only kept
for the safest places
inside.

Very nice, the poems.

powerful imagery

I particularly like the first one. A lot of people here can relate

Thank you. I appreciate that.

I feel that, while we sometimes get things wrong as Aspies - it is made all the more difficult by passive aggressive people who expect everyone to get their hints so they don't actually have to tell the truth or learn to communicate effectively themselves, thereby allowing themselves to blame everyone else for their constant relationship breakdowns. We were at a church where particular couples offered what we thought was friendship....but, when it became clear we had different ideas of who to be friends with, show love to, we drink wine occasionally....we have food allergies and they are getting worse so we have to have a special diet....(yes - that was a problem for some reason)....things we consider small and up to the individual (whereas they are VERY Bill Gothard and seek controlled conformity - do google - and we didn;t know it)....we were shunned out of the church by them...I was told all those things I mentioned in the poem. And most of it was just a lack of communication and gossip between the three couples. While that sounds like only a few - two were the elders, and ya don;t get anywhere with that. We are still in touch with other people from there who are good - who are also quietly shunned and back stabbed by them, but who just don;t realise.

We are not the only ones who have left for the same reasons or because of the same couples....but I have found it very difficult to let go of. Especially as our children were involved in it all.

Blessings to you all. xx

Thank you for sharing your poems and for sharing your story. I was intrigued at what you said, especially about Bill Gothard. I was run out of a church that had members devoted to his teachings. I believe the most painful hurts are the ones inflicted by those in the church. A pastor friend once said, “Christians shoot their wounded.”

I had not been diagnosed when I still attended there, so I endured their “love.” They were constantly criticizing me for being a hermit (I dislike social gatherings, crowds, etc.). They thought I should eat foods I’m allergic to in order to build up a tolerance. They even bought me CD’s in order to dictate to what type of music I should listen.

An incident happened, I was accused, and they treated me like a criminal for six months. The accuser left town without setting the facts straight. I was very involved as an usher, working around the church, and even preached on several occasions. They never acknowledged they were wrong or attempted to offer any sort of apology. The “pastor” had the audacity to say, “We’ve done nothing to offend you.”

I’ve since found a new church in which to fellowship and have shared the fact I am an aspie. They were receptive, though I could tell they haven’t a clue. I did not, however, tell them anything about the previous church. That is part of my life I’d rather forget.

I hope you and your family have found a new church and church family. Having a place to fellowship and others who are like-minded can make a huge difference in one’s life, especially if you’re an aspie.

Romans 15:13

*hugs* to you. I so relate.

When I told them it was a communication glitch and judgementalism on their part - the answer? "We're not judgemental...we're right"......mind blowing arrogance.

I was also told that the only reason people who had known me 20+ years who I had no probs with didn't have probs with me - was because they didn;t know me as well as these people.

*sigh*

There's no accounting for ignorance and intolerance.

Bless you. And yes - we have found somewhere so beautiful. Not perfect - but beautiful. xx