Anyone else Lonely?
29 Jun 2013, 10:00 am
Last night I was laying in bed. I realized when I am extremely happy...I have no one to share it with, at least no one who cares. When I do have something to be happy about I am either too happy about it and repeat things again and again over the excitement because I can't verbalize...or know the other person doesn't care or can't understand, so all I can do to show I am happy is put a 'bounce in my step'. Nobody cares that I'm happy except that I'm more pleasant to be around.
When I'm sad, people will care for a minute. I lower my shoulders and head and move more slower. People may care, but there is a time limit for how sad you can be and for how long. And you always have to be able to verbally express it...I don't always know how to. So I normally keep my sadness to myself. Or simply show it, but don't speak about it. Or smile and pretend otherwise...learning that people don't know you're (insert negative emotion) they won't think of you as incompetent....
When I'm ANGRY, aggressive, and acting out. I slam things, snap at people---I show that I am angry. People don't care unless I act out. So showing that I am angry, sad, happy is the only voice I have, since no one wants to hear me or CAN hear me. And again I can't always verbalize my anger. I can say the event that happened, but there is usually something underlying and they usually don't say anything beyond telling me all the things I am doing wrong, or you know--then I feel bad for being angry. But it doesn't change the underlying emotion that I am scared, alone, and so on. And even if I said that they'd say happiness is a choice. Choosing to be happy does not make the underlying feelings disappear!! !
I asked myself what do I want last night. I keep posting on forums, I keep withdrawing, or acting out, knowing that there isn't anything anyone can help me with (all I can do is share what's on my mind, and all others can do is share the same). I know, I'm just simply hurting and do not want to hurt alone. I am always self-soothing, always trying to embrace solitude, always trying to cope alone. Now and then people are there, but I have no solid friend who I see or talk to regularly. Is that part of being an adult---being lonely? (Then again I never had that feeling of being lonely before my late teens, so maybe it's just my awareness of it).
When I am with people they go, well I don't know what to do. And I think I don't want anyone to do anything. I feel better when I feel 'together'. Not necessarily SHARING MISERY, but just being together with someone. I just want to be able to share what I am going through, to talk about it and not hurt alone. My therapist is not my friend but I'm starting to think the only empathetic and understanding person in my life---who will just be with me consistently during my time of hurting is my therapist. Like I actually have to pay people to talk to me, and this is making me feel incredibly lonely and depressed. That I am my only friend. I'm not even a Good friend to myself, as I wrestle with self-hatred a lot...can't be friends with someone you hate...maybe I am a frenemy to myself.
Does anybody feel just plain lonely? They don't want anything from anyone except to share each other's company and have a good friend to talk to who won't judge them or try to fix their problems, who will simply empathize with you and then share whatever is on their mind, over a cup of tea, followed by just taking a load off like---what friends do. Playing a game together, or talking about anything else--just being together. Does that exist? Am I asking for too much? Are others lonely too?
I don't want any advice please, just want to talk about it and know what other people are going through and how they cope with it. Sometimes listening makes me feel better too.
29 Jun 2013, 10:52 am
I'm starting to think loneliness is a universal constant. That was very poignantly written. I'm not the most emotionally attuned person, but writing helps me sometimes. I won't know exactly how I feel, but negative emotions to me are a weight/ache in my chest. Finding a way to transfer it into words is a release. Sometimes what comes out really surprises me.
I can understand the feeling of "together". When I'm around most people, there's always a pressure to entertain or keep their interest piqued. It's rare to find a person who is okay with the occasional quiet, or stillness. My husband was one, but he's on the go more and craves noisy interactions in a large group. The other person was a former neighbor, who would sit and chat/knit with me on a regular basis. It's hard to find people that just mesh, and a little harder for us.
I guess all we can do is fingers crossed and eyes open.
30 Jun 2013, 7:47 am
I can understand the feeling of "together". When I'm around most people, there's always a pressure to entertain or keep their interest piqued. It's rare to find a person who is okay with the occasional quiet, or stillness. My husband was one, but he's on the go more and craves noisy interactions in a large group. The other person was a former neighbor, who would sit and chat/knit with me on a regular basis. It's hard to find people that just mesh, and a little harder for us.
I guess all we can do is fingers crossed and eyes open.
(Thanks for taking the time to read all that and reply!)
This was very well written too and just helped me knowing someone else was out there with similar thoughts and feelings. It also felt good to have confirmation that it's a luck thing.
I cope by withdrawing and retreating into a fantasy world. I used to do this even when I was social, but as I've gotten older it's gotten harder to both be present (ex. with horses) and be fantasizing/daydreaming. Writing is also another outlet for me, as writing helps everything make sense and be clearer, where as verbally talking it out or trying to doesn't help unless I've written it out first.
30 Jun 2013, 3:01 pm
When I'm sad, people will care for a minute. I lower my shoulders and head and move more slower. People may care, but there is a time limit for how sad you can be and for how long. And you always have to be able to verbally express it...I don't always know how to. So I normally keep my sadness to myself. Or simply show it, but don't speak about it. Or smile and pretend otherwise...learning that people don't know you're (insert negative emotion) they won't think of you as incompetent....
When I'm ANGRY, aggressive, and acting out. I slam things, snap at people---I show that I am angry. People don't care unless I act out. So showing that I am angry, sad, happy is the only voice I have, since no one wants to hear me or CAN hear me. And again I can't always verbalize my anger. I can say the event that happened, but there is usually something underlying and they usually don't say anything beyond telling me all the things I am doing wrong, or you know--then I feel bad for being angry. But it doesn't change the underlying emotion that I am scared, alone, and so on. And even if I said that they'd say happiness is a choice. Choosing to be happy does not make the underlying feelings disappear!! !
I asked myself what do I want last night. I keep posting on forums, I keep withdrawing, or acting out, knowing that there isn't anything anyone can help me with (all I can do is share what's on my mind, and all others can do is share the same). I know, I'm just simply hurting and do not want to hurt alone. I am always self-soothing, always trying to embrace solitude, always trying to cope alone. Now and then people are there, but I have no solid friend who I see or talk to regularly. Is that part of being an adult---being lonely? (Then again I never had that feeling of being lonely before my late teens, so maybe it's just my awareness of it).
When I am with people they go, well I don't know what to do. And I think I don't want anyone to do anything. I feel better when I feel 'together'. Not necessarily SHARING MISERY, but just being together with someone. I just want to be able to share what I am going through, to talk about it and not hurt alone. My therapist is not my friend but I'm starting to think the only empathetic and understanding person in my life---who will just be with me consistently during my time of hurting is my therapist. Like I actually have to pay people to talk to me, and this is making me feel incredibly lonely and depressed. That I am my only friend. I'm not even a Good friend to myself, as I wrestle with self-hatred a lot...can't be friends with someone you hate...maybe I am a frenemy to myself.
Does anybody feel just plain lonely? They don't want anything from anyone except to share each other's company and have a good friend to talk to who won't judge them or try to fix their problems, who will simply empathize with you and then share whatever is on their mind, over a cup of tea, followed by just taking a load off like---what friends do. Playing a game together, or talking about anything else--just being together. Does that exist? Am I asking for too much? Are others lonely too?
I don't want any advice please, just want to talk about it and know what other people are going through and how they cope with it. Sometimes listening makes me feel better too.
Yep i know exactly what you mean. i think what we want is someone to confide in. i don't have that at all really, well not in the real world anyway. i have two friends i confide in via email but other than that i have no one. sometimes it's great since i write down my feelings to them, and i tend to express myself better through the written word, but other times you just want someone to be there even if you don't say anything. i'm wondering if i should find a therapist to at least have someone to confide in, put as you say it feels like you need to pay someone to do that, and it doesn't really feel like the whole package. but it's better than nothing, i suppose.
i guess i'm my only real friend these days, but just like you, i grapple with self hatred and i have very low self esteem. but i prefer being alone and lonely by myself, as opposed to feeling very lonely amongst people. that's the worst kind of loneliness, i think.
