If you're being 'paranoid', should you be validated?
I put paranoid in quotes, because I am referring to situations in which you are being screwed by someone else, but there is only circumstantial evidence.
For example, if you're at work and think you're being singled out or sabotaged due to office politics but people are sneaky and don't make it too obvious. Or you think someone doesn't like you due to their actions but they have never actually said they dislike you to your face. (Example: I once had a teacher who never looked me in the eye yet looked at the other students squarely in the face)
As an Aspie, I can think of many instances in which I strongly suspected people weren't looking out for my best interest BECAUSE I'm different and don't fit in..... but I didn't have that last definitive scrap of evidence that it was true.
I've been in this situation numerous times and have sought help (counseling) for it. I've also sought advice from family members.
In my experience, most people take the approach that it probably /isn't/ true and to give the person(s)/people the benefit of the doubt. Usually they try to convince me that it is NOT true and not to worry so much.
I've often wondered whether this approach is right or even effective. I mean, many times we get the shaft from people but technically can't come up with 'hard evidence' even if the circumstantial evidence is overwhelming.
However, counselors and such unfailingly err towards thinking it probably isn't true and that one must be overthinking things.
I'm wondering if this is the correct approach, or do you think in Aspergerland, our 'paranoias' should be treated as more real or validated somehow? Especially since we often do rub people the wrong way?
I ticked off a surgeon. he had the hospital kick me off staff. the state medical board thought that the only reason a hospital would do that is incompetence and pulled my license. i'm not paranoid. aspies often lose in the game of politics. I don't think you're paranoid, either. it's nice to have our perceptions understood and agreed with. if a teacher gives everyone eye contact except you, something is going on.
No, it is best to remember that people in general aren't concerned with you one way or the other. Most people are so busy running their own lives that they don't have time to work against you. Most of the circumsantial evidence that someone is screwing you over points instead to the fwct that they are not considering you at all. That is not to say they are inconsiderate; it is just they have so much going on that there is no room for you or anyone else.
I am no stranger to paranoia and have learned this through hard experience.
Thelibrarian
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tjr, I agree with Lucywolf. I think we're so socially inept, and have been done wrong enough in the past that after a while we start thinking the entire world is that way. The old saying applies that just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there aren't people out to get you; there are, but they are in the minority. This is important if for no other reason than to reassure us we're not universally hated, which would be terribly devastating to anybody's psyche and spirit.
But since we can't readily discern who is out to get us and who isn't, I've found the best strategy is to keep my mouth shut as much as possible, do my job as well as I can, be as cooperative and helpful as possible, and be thankful when people are rude and hostile. At least I know for sure where this latter group is coming from.
I only open up when it is required of me, or if I'm around people I have good reason to believe I can trust.
Good luck to you. I know all too well what you're going through.