I will never understand people

Post Reply New Topic

I watch a reality television show called Real Housewives of New Jersey. I watch a lot of reality TV as a learning tool to better my social skills.

A woman's father on the show died many years ago. The woman talked about her father with reverence and respect. In one of the most recent episodes we learned that the father had cheated on her mother.

For the life of me I do not understand why this man still deserves reverence.

I have seen similar situations with other people. People do not judge others based on behavior. It is all about social skills.

It makes zero sense to me.

I agree. People are not interested in the actual nature of the person.

Personally I think it is about the social authority that person commands. In their world a father has authority over a daughter, so it is her duty to respect him no matter what kind of person he is. Who he is in reality in irrelevant.

Also she herself will lose social status if she admits publically that her father is anything but perfect.

Social currency.........the lifeblood of the nt. It is all about the image you project. It's not who you are - who you can convince people you are.

I constantly clash with people, because I don't see their social status, just who they are. They don't like that. Personally, I think they are silly. That upsets them more. I have given up caring how I am viewed by them. It's very liberating

NT: Style over substance
AS: Substance over style

You can dislike/distance yourself from something a person has done without loving them less for it. I saw something similar in my family and while the actual act upset me, I didn't love my relative any less for it. Especially not long term.

I can't stand "Reality TV", as it is clearly staged, even live filmed TV is heavily edited.
The only Reality TV show I can stand is Celebrity Rehab; because it shows celebrities struggling with the same interpersonal relationship difficulties we do, and shows that no amount of money, fame, or good fortune can protect you from addiction, self destructive tendencies, or the struggles we all face on a daily basis.
I know it's heavily edited, but it gives me some sense of hope that I can rise like a phoenix when I reach a greater level of self acceptance.

As for social dynamics in families, it depends on the behaviour, the individual, your relationship with them, and your understanding of each other; at least that's the way it is for me.
I get that I should love and respect my parents and siblings; however as I was the odd one out - first born to two last born children, undiagnosed Aspie, a bit nerdy rather than sporty, intellectual rather than physical interests, and a loner rather than a team player, the cards I was dealt meant I was not compatible with the family I was born into. I did not choose this, nor did my family, but the incompatibility made me the subject of ridicule, abuse, conceit and manipulation from other family members, including my parents.

I can accept the rest of my family are different from me - though I strongly suspect my father is on the spectrum - what I can't accept is that I have always been treated as lesser, less deserving of affection - because I don't readily display physical signs and don't like kisses and hugs from my mother.
I don't enjoy family get togethers such as Christmas, birthdays or the like, as the noise and overstimulation, as well as close proximity to others I don't see eye to eye with is a recipe for conflict.
I'm seen as the "black sheep" of the family, as I don't conform to their view of what and who I should be, and I never will.

I'm still struggling with my feelings and understanding of the family dynamic.
My mother actively undermined my relationships with friends of both sexes, actively manipulated others into assisting her in breaking up relationships, and made it known that partners were not good enough for me, or that I was not right for them.

My father always made me feel that I was a disappointment, never praising me, acknowledging, or encouraging me, and always quick with criticism.
He would pontificate from the drivers seat when doing me a "favour" by driving me to my destination.
I soon learned to get around on public transport or find friends who could drive me, prior to getting my own car and licence - in my mid 20's.

When my first marriage broke down, I was suicidally depressed, and being forced to live with my family then almost killed me; I contemplated suicide and self harmed several times under their roof.

I now have no contact with my family of origin.
I know I have a niece and nephew I have never met; but I am also aware that my brother would wish to drag me back to the family and the dysfunctional dynamic that undermines my wellbeing.
I also know my 13 y/o daughter spends time with my family, and I will need to discuss the complexity of my relationship with my family when she is older - they are her grandparents, and she should not have her relationship with them tainted by my experience when it does not concur with hers.

Maybe it's different for those of us on the spectrum; we feel a sense of loyalty, but that we also feel a strong sense of social justice, and if there is a disconnect between these we find the individual/s less worthy of respect and/or love.

I can't respect or show love to my family, as they have continually shown me contempt and created self fulfilling prophecies of my failure by actively undermining me.
I was accused of seeking to sabotage my future by my behaviour, but my behaviour was a reaction to their disdain towards me, and became a vicious cycle.
To have people like that actively participate in my life would only show I agree with their contempt towards me, and allow me to be further abused, manipulated and basically ruin my life.

No one should be considered important enough to take precedence over your right to a fulfilling and satisfying life.