Narcissistic rage

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So I've been out of sorts recently, having a short temper and finding it harder to process things or deal with emotions. It's something that happens every now and again, even though I'm on medication (it'd be so much worse without it, trust me).

Well, today I got furious at a classmate purely out of jealousy. I was thinking such nasty, selfish things like "how the hell did he get another internship when he's less experienced, less skilled and less talented?" and "I hate that happy-go-lucky son of a b***h! Why do people like that just sail through life while people like me barely get by! What a smug bastard!".

Those are such horrible things to say about a friend. And y'know what? He is far more pro active than me and does more stuff than me, so of course he is going to get all the opportunities and he works hard.

I don't know why I was suddenly so vicious. I've just been so misanthropic lately. Misanthropy is such a lazy worldview to have and it's all about being a victim. I'm not a victim, but that narrative is a lot easier to live with than coming to the realization that I'm a b***h trying to externalize my own problems on everyone else.

Sigh, just needed to talk about that.

Hey, You don't want to go down that road, I don't know how many people on this site have been to jail but I have, for 10 months, I did an armed robbery because of rage and the fact that criminals accepted me and used me, I would rather be lonely than associate with criminals, Don't RAGE because you will be put where I was put and you won't like it, I got my head punched in once in jail , had 5 fights all up , never going back. Control yourself ...

Holy s**t , I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm just thinking angry thoughts - I haven't acted out on them. I don't want to associate with criminals - I don't even know any criminals. I'm about as tough as a marshmallow.

I'm glad for your concern, but I was just talking about how horribly mean spirited I've been lately. It won't go any further than me lying in the foetal position sobbing my eyes out, I swear. I'm just ranting, honest.

GOOD lol jeeez you make me feel like im a badass, It was a bad mig mistake I regret it im a good person though , well I believe so.

It doesn't sound like narcissim really, but more about the inequalities of life. And someone being smug about good fortune is reason to have a negative reaction towards them, so its not totally uncalled for.

In the long run, you probably already see how little anger helps (except maybe in a safe ranting zone like here). Anger does have a place and serve a purpose though, and isn't all bad if morphed into motivation. But anger just dwelt on, does something bad to you inside over time.

Maybe it would help not to compare yourself to others, just yourself.

toy soldier when I lift I think of bad things that have happened to me its good motivation I know what you mean I think

Turtleoverhare, I believe you're a good person. I know plenty of ex-criminals who have overcome a lot and I admire the s**t out people who get up and make something of themselves even after they've hit rock bottom. I guess I would call that badass.

Toy_Soldier, you hit the nail on the head - I have a huge problem with comparing myself with others. I don't think he was actually being smug, mind you - just happy that he got into another internship. I just get really paranoid and my thoughts start to race. I guess I wish I could turn all this stupid anger into something positive, but most of the time it just makes me an unproductive douche.

Cheers, guys - seriously