Is this fair?

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone other woman here give their husband half their wages and then have to pay for their own hair, clothes, fuel, medication, food and cigarettes? I do. He says it is fair, but I can't manage all of this on half a wage. This is making my life a misery and it seems as tho we are just flatmates. I ask myself why i am married and just go blank. He works and I don't know what he does with his money, He is very frugal tho. Ok he is a tightass, big time.

That doesn't seem very fair to you. If you work for your money, you should be able to keep it for yourself.

I think that you should keep your own money and let him suffer.

Is the other half of your money being spent on bills? or do you have to pay extra for that also.

I think that a husband and a wife should share BOTH wages. You're a team, not split into his money her money. I don't think it is right that he takes that kind of control.

urm.

yeah

That ladies husband sounds like a pimp to me. He demands half her wages, has his own job, and makes her buy her own food and clothing. You should get rid of the guy.

If you decide to keep all of your wages, how would he react to your decision?

He needs to give you the household budget to look at. And if it's all in his head, he needs to write it down for you. Maybe the rent, utilities etc. do total half your salary. But you have a right to know all the details. That's your money. Open a bank account in your own name and put your money there before you get home.

Absolutely. My wife and I have our wages paid into a joint account, to which we have equal access. It sounds like you're getting the rough end of the deal.

You need to tell him that you are having a problem, that something isn't going right.

I have spoken to my mum who is a psychologist and has had experience with a controlling spouse, and this is definitely not normal or reasonable. She suggests that you find some women's counselling services on your own (not with your husband). Your GP may be able to help with referrals. This counselling service should be able to provide you with some practical suggestions and help you make some decisions.

Try Relationships Australia- they may be able to help.

Thanks everyone for your input. Half my wages go into his account before I even see them. If I kept my income he would probably get quite stroppy and say that that wouldn't be fair. And I guess it wouldn't. I think he thinks that because I have a 'problem' I am incapable of looking after myself. He says that he is so in control of the money so that we can retire in comfort. Which is a good thing but it seems we have to sacrifice living now to live then. I'm not sure I understand that idea. I have a credit card (in his name) and if I use it he gets cranky and says there is no room for manouvering in the budget. I think I have used it twice in the last 6 months, once for fuel and once for a wireless adaptor.
I have been for counselling and everything they say is helpful but as soon as I try to talk to him he gets the better of the conversation and it always come back to me not 'living in reality'. There are two sides to everything and I am sure I am just as wrong in a lot of ways also. But this whole situation makes me reclusive and miserable.
Is marriage meant to be this hard? Is it worth it? No, not from where I stand. Do I love him.......I'm not sure I am able to say that I do. He is nice and everyone likes him, we have been together 13 years. No, I don't feel love for him, mind u I don't feel much anytime. Emotions are not something I seem to have a lot of. Just go thru the motions really. What a nightmare.

Leave? Maybe I can't look after myself. Maybe I am scared of that thought. I have no money or anything so how would I get started. Too hard to think about.
But thanks again for your thoughts.........

Darborough, everyone is capable of looking after themselves so don't think that you can't, know that you CAN! Know it.

As for the money, ask your husband what the retirement plans are.

Do you have a joint account? Can you go to the bank and see this account so you know whats going on?

Its extremely unfair for him to take your money and not tell you whats going on with it. As well, you have the right to spend your money (responsibly, sounds like you do) and what he is doing is unfair.