Am i just being Austistic or am i Perverted?

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I don't know if this is the right place to post this but here it is.

Im a girl in my mid twenties and im probably bisexual.

My dilemma is that i have a breast starring problem.

I live in a city where it's 80-100 degrees 9 months of the year. Most of the year people dress pretty scantly and many of the women and girls flaunt there cleavage.

I work in a costumer service job and i have to interact with these women all day. When im trying to help them i always seem to glance at their breast and this has become a serious problem because i know that they notice it. The more i try not to look the harder it gets to not look. Its like it has become this involuntary movement that i cant stop. I try to look at their eyes but being a Aspie this ends up becoming really difficult and I usually end up starring into their eyes to intensely that it just becomes a awkward interaction. It seems to be happening more and more as time goes by. And i hate it! I dont want to be a pervert. I dont even think i am a pervert but why cant i stop from looking.

The worst incident happened the other day. A girl around 16 or 17 (very mature looking) came in with her mother and this girl had a very very low cut shirt and her breasts were pushed up and of course i glanced at her. I felt so angry and disgusted with myself for looking. And i know she and her mother noticed. She ended up having to come back to me several times for help and each time i glanced down her shirt. The thing is even with being bisexual and being sexually attracted to women and their breast i really don't think this is a sexual thing, i get no sexual pleasure out of looking at breast while Im at work.

The thing that terrifies me the most is the idea that some day someone is going to complain to my boss. That would be so humiliating for me. I've worked for this company for 10 years and i've recently got a promotion and started working at a new branch where Im having trouble fitting in and now with this worsening reoccurring problem im terrified my coworkers will find out and have more reason to hate me. My old job wasn't in such a open area and it was easy to not look. I would just keep myself focused on my computer screen or something else but with my new job i don't have this option i cant hide behind my computer to stop myself from looking.

So i guess what this long post is about is the other day after becoming frustrated with myself an idea formed in my head; What if this isn't just me being perverted. Is it possible that my Aspie problem of not being able to look into peoples eyes is causing me to look at their breast instead. Because i know i have difficulty looking into people eyes i always have.

Has anyone else had this problem or have you ever heard of this type of problem being connected to Aspergers? Is this even a Aspergers problem? What should i do? Because this needs to stop before it ruins my life.

If someone complains to another coworker or boss about this i don't think i would be able to handle the humiliation.

Last edited by Monoca on 12 Aug 2013, 12:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The first step to resolving a problem is recognition.
Now that you are aware that this can be a problem, you can try to work out a solution to deal with it.
Obviously if you're ASD, eye contact won't be an appropriate option.
On the other hand, there is no reason why you should not look at the person's face, hair, nose, mouth, ears eyes etc.
I know it's not the same, but you'll get in a lot less trouble if you are fixating on faces than on other body parts.
If it's a really difficult thing to resolve you may be best seeking therapy.
Plenty of advice going on here on WP, but we are only other people with similar issues, and none of us are therapists, just like minded people trying to empathise and share our experience.

look at their eyebrows or even their lips if eye contact is too difficult.

I know what you mean.

If I'm talking to a woman and happen to glance down at her breasts, I can't stop doing it.

You're over thinking it. You're female; I guarantee those other females haven't you noticed looking at their chest.

As a guy I used to have a similar problem, although I think breasts are fantastic, my issue was watching peoples mouths when they were talking and I would try to establish fake eye contact with an occasional glance up to their eyes and then back to their mouth. Most women seemed to think I was staring at their breasts, not unreasonably, and when I realised this I would get embarrassed, which would reinforce the idea for them.
The more you focus negatively on the issue the stronger it will become, so you have to do two opposite actions. Relax in the knowledge that you are not a pervert and, at the same time, force yourself to keep all eye contact above shoulder level. Just be professional and keep the rest for your own time.

Well, if I think I am in one of those moods where I keep looking at the wrong place, then I start to concentrate on people's hairdoes. They have so many different styles, different coloours - some wear their hair up, some short, some curly, some long and straight ... it is a fascinating world of variety, both natural and cultivated. And it is near their eyes - but not directly in line with their eyes.

You see - develop a fascination with a "safe" part of the body. Then, if you accidentally blurt out "I really admire your hairdo" - it will be far safer than blurting out "I really admire your breasts".

Your not in control of yourself, specifically your sexual urges. I don't see it as an autistic thing. It can happen with all types of people.

This sounds like a compulsion. I think you are so anxious about looking that the second you see a girl in a low-cut top, you start thinking about looking, and you think the anxiety or tension won't go away until you look, but as it turns out, looking only makes you more anxious so that you repeat the cycle later.

I was talking to my therapist last week about my compulsions; she said to just "allow myself to feel the anxiety," meaning keep on doing what I am supposed to be doing without giving in to the compulsion and tell myself that feeling this tension is OK. Every time you succeed in raising this urge, it is a victory that you can remember later when you start to feel anxious again.

Here's a technique I learned growing up. Look at whatever you want to look at but only in passing. Or basically, pan your head around... slowly, to taken in what you want to take in, but don't have your head linger in position as if staring. Due to my anxiety being messed up, i look around for signs of danger when it's on, so it's believable to others that I'm always taking in the environment to see threats coming if they know I've got anxiety issues. When really at the moment, my anxiety isn't on, and I'm checking someones goods out. And if you want a second look, wait a second and then pan back around.

This doesn't do to well if you have to go face to face with someone, but you can do an elevator look taking in all of them as if seeing who or what you're dealing with. I do this regardless of the sex of the person or whether I'm attracted to them or not. Again, don't linger, and if you need to , make a second pass to see what you want to see. Once you've done that to look at their goods, then either look them in the eye, or if that's to much due to AS, just look at their nose, or mouth, or eyebrows/forhead.

There was a great seen in role models which I think everyone should at least have an understanding of, if not put it into practice. I'm being serious about this, that this is a skill everyone should learn. The movie makes it funny, and it is when you think about it, but it's something we all need to learn at some point.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3MI5FZ2t5s&feature=player_detailpage[/youtube]

I think this is probably true. Most women are much less concerned about other women looking at them than they are about men. If they did notice, they probably assumed that you were thinking something like, "Why is that mother letting her daughter wear such a low-cut shirt?", or "I'm jealous, her breasts are bigger than mine," neither of which is nearly as bad as thinking that you were sexually interested in her.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-bpHDE-snU[/youtube]