Not sure how to explain my meltdown to my mom. Rant.
So this week has been kind of stressful as I've been dealing with 3-6 yr olds all week and today I had a meltdown. mostly I have been fine all week, but today I suppose I finally snapped. I have not had a meltdown in about a month or two, so I probably would have had one soon anyway.
I did try and get away before it happened, I asked my parents to drive me home. My dad was there with his wife and they went home earlier, so I asked to go with them b/c I just wanted to go and lay down. I was done with people and being outside and I knew it, which I realize now I probably should have explained, but I was just really frazzled. Anyway my mom said "No, we're leaving soon" Which I was skeptical of as she likes to take forever to leave and talk to everyone. Then I went and sat in the car trying to calm myself, unsuccessfully. My mom eventually came and started asking me all these questions which wasn't helpful at all. I tried my best to explain how I was just very stressed from the week and that I needed some to just have silence to be left alone. I again was at the beginning of my meltdown and was nearly nonverbal by now, but was trying not to freak too much as to not scare my younger siblings too much. She wouldn't stop talking to me though! Finally she actually pulled the car over on the side of the road and kept talking, I believe this is when she started asking if she needed to take me to the hospital. Yes, she actually said that -she knows full well I have AS BTW, and this is not my first meltdown, she herself has had several gaskets over basically nothing this week as well, but am I allowed to lose it? Noo, that's disrespectful and rude and selfish. Because I am the one with the problem!
Anyway I actually got out of the car and stood on the side of the road to cry just to escape her ranting at me, after a minute I got back in the car and she mostly shut up on the way home. We stopped at a gas station on the way home and got food and water -which was good since I had not had dinner or much water that day. Anyway that helped a little, we got home and I talked to my friend who was supportive and cheered me up.
Of course then she came back and tried to talk about it, I wasn't ready and asked her to leave, as nicely as I could. She didn't, I got angry, she started saying I needed to control myself more, which I really cannot do sometimes obviously. I did try really hard, I had tried explaining but she just wants me to be "fixed" I feel like.
You could do worse than to print out your post and give it to her.
Maybe then she can see how you're feeling and you can express what you can't get out verbally.
I had countless experiences like the one you describe, and I never had a diagnosis, so I was always made to feel I was troublesome, immature or just ill tempered.
I was diagnosed three weeks ago.
I self diagnosed about 2 years ago.
My family's attitude to me eventually lead to me ceasing contact with them.
If you possibly can it would be best to try to get your family to understand that it is not your fault; your brain is wired differently, and you think and feel different to others and can't do anything to change that.
At least if you find a way for them to understand, or at least explain it to them it may reduce the barrier between you.
Don't wait until it's too late.
I have a lifetime of regrets that I can't resolve, and my family never accepted me, and never will.
Make the most of now, because it's all you have.
Your Mom is having a very typical response (for an NT). Yes, she wants to 'fix' you but doesn't yet understand it's not fixable, and dealing with it is something else entirely and lifelong. However if she can come up to speed on how we operate and what needs we have (just as NTs have needs) it can really improve between you. It depends on several factors. One is how good a relationship you have with your Mom, being able to help educate her (like above poster suggested) but also, and out of your power, what she will do with the info - can she or will she learn. You do have to exercise some patience, as NTs don't automatically understand this at all, and it will be a learning process. Hopefully she has what it takes to go there with you. Wishing you the best with this.
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