Having trouble obsessing over someone

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So, same problem, I've been obsessing over someone. Can we go over why this is absolutely wrong. Specifically I keep on wanting to try and initiate contact of them, and I want them to talk to me back. When they are clearly not interested in talking, or being my friend.

someone linked a nice relevant article:
http://evilautie.org/2012/08/15/please-dont-be-that-guy/

Lets try a list:

1) They are their own person with their own worries, its not my business to take part in them

2) I am just annoying them and doing nothing for them

3) Whatever friendship we had is in the past, and I should look forward towards new friendships instead of living in the past

4) My obsession is my responsibility, and I need to deal with it myself and not bother them with it

Other things I'm going to try: work on making new friends, go to a support group, I might go on an anxiety medication, mope about it on wrong planet, focus on improving myself

I'm feeling a similar thing with my wife; we are separated. But I can't let go, I tell myself - "don't send her any more texts" but I always do.

I can't stop thinking about her. She is doing her absolute best to forget me.

I know I love her, and I suppose it makes me feel bad about myself. If I ever have a chance to get back with her, I have to stop contacting her and give her some space.

But then I think, "maybe I should go around and..." all the time. Constantly. Argh.

I'm obssessed with a footy player. I think about him all the time, especially when I go to the footy or to training and he stares at me. He's really nice to me too which makes it hard as I know I have no chance but he always comes over to say hi and when I go to functions he comes to see me (I'm one of his sponsors). I'm trying to replace it with an obssession with Captain Picard from Star Trek but it's not working.

So I cried a bit last night, mostly out of self-revulsion. If I am going to have anger I might as well direct it at myself. I'm not going to get better asking what other people can do for me. Works better than feeling anxious about everything and takes care of some of the anxiety.

Sometimes I feel like I'm getting better and then I fall back into my old ways again. Its been getting easier for me to cope and pull myself out of it. Just part of that is involving messaging the person I am obsessing about. Which is wrong, completely wrong of me. I need to find better and different ways to cope. When I'm obsessing over her some of those don't occur to me or aren't very effective. I need a list.

I wish I could just forget someone. But there is no way to do that.

You don't have to forget. You have to quit letting your memories control you and move on.

I know. But I wish there was a way to erase your memories.

Actually, I have one way of really effectively coping with this, and I mean cuts through my depression like a damn laser, as in poof. Call it plan E-minor. Probably only makes sense to me, but here goes.

Once upon a time, sad lonely aspie boy had first crush, sad lonely aspie boy was also cellist. Due to a certain cello piece in E-minor by some British dude (and a knight too!), I began feeling depressed about silly crush I had. So I blamed the piece and my cello and lost interest in them, despite really enjoying them (I once hit my mother because she threatened to break my cello because it seemed like all I cared about). Which is actually stupid, the cello and the piece have nothing really to do with it. Actually its a sort of backdoor resonance into it and an oddly appropriate piece.

I didn't want to over rely on this before, which I think its stupid, because its the best thing I have got. I have used it fairly recently, but I haven't talked about this before. I've used it to cope before. If I really focus on practicing and work on it I can make it work. I think the memory is strong enough and won't diminish. I haven't been keeping up with my cello practice. And I do sometimes get disconnected from this. But if I can focus, despite some adhd, I can do this.

Probably focusing on the fourth movement, its the best one. There is a concerto competition coming up.

Who says I can't solve my own problems?

I think the best ways are to focus on yourself,,, getting healthy and happy.

Every time you have a thought of that person, think how you can make yourSELF feel good instead of relying on outside people. (health, excersize, music, art etc)

The better relationship you learn to have with YOU, the less you have to depend on outside sources to heal your feelings...

After all, you can never truly control what is on the outside, so making your inside world great, will help incredibly!

Well, I manged to get myself on a rather large high two nights ago. Seemed to deal with most of the depression. And I have something to focus on. Bow is rehaired. Arranged a cello lesson, got a recording of the Elgar Cello Concerto by Truls Mork, to have something different from Jacqueline DuPre. I don't like much of what either of them do. So we can see if this holds up.

Still some anxiety. Overall all emotional reactions relating to my obsessee are greatly diminished. I think the probability of relapse is relatively low, or at least I might be able to control it. I think this mood change will hold up. Some behaviors and thoughts have not immediately changed, but I should be able to control them much better now.

I could do a better job of controlling my caffeine intake, and I need to seriously need to work out a good steady diet now that my metabolism appears to have recovered. I didn't feel like eating and threw up today. Eating some lighter foods, or ones easier on my digestion appear to work.

I can take walks, and I will swim when I'm back at school starting next week. I might start some jogging and bicycling. I could also find a few other activities to use.

Awesome job!

I think it was my aspie obsession shifting from cello, to she who must not be named, and then to [redacted]. And I think I shifted it back to cello and I hope I can keep it that way.

I feel into an obsese over someone trap. It was with my best friend. I ended the relationship poorly and fell into a suasidal state. Ended up having to moderated conversation with her. I bore my heart said all that I wanted to say and closed the friendship. It was something that needed to be done as the relationship was unhealthy and holding me back from being me. Now I feel that I can do anything. I am working, I can drive, and I have a place to live. Stick to the basics and the rest will fall into place.

Need to find yourself a distraction, it's the best cure for obsession that they have. Probably a new friend.

I think this is a good idea. I am still feeling lonely and need more people to talk to. I could use my schoolwork as a distraction also.

As for my obsession, these transitions actually take a bit of time. Possibly I have to consciously and willfully want one to happen, and I have been making bad decisions on that part. I'm not sure if some of them are forgivable.

The boundaries are all somewhat weak between my obsessions. Its not like I still couldn't get a lot out playing the Elgar Concerto. Its just now I have it running through my head continuously rather then other things, which is much more pleasant.

I was badly obsessed with a guy i met in spiritual class.

And one day he just cut me off.

I went into depression after that and it took years for me to come out of the depression.

But the weirdest thing was that he was not on facebook and after that he joined facebook

I started checking his profile daily on facebook and i couldnt get him out of my head.

If he hadnt joined facebook it would have been easier for me to forget him

I want to stop checking his profile...he has delibrately joined facebook because somewhere down
the line even he liked me

But since he was married he was avoiding me.

I hope i can find a way to stop checking his FB profile cos thats the only way i can forget him

Out of sight is out of mind