My van and my uncle and stuff.

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So I have a van, that used to be my dad's old work van, that he gave to me. I fixed it somewhat. It had a leaky radiator and I put a new one in myself. It's got issues, and it's too big for me to drive (I can't maneuver it well) but it works.

I tried to sell it. The agreement was, my mom would get half the money (because she paid insurance/gas for it while it was owned, so it's fair I think) and I'd get half the money. I was asking anywhere from $750 to $1000 for it, and none of the deals ever worked out. I put it on Craigslist and this dude talking through a TTY wanted it and never showed. Another time a lady wanted to check it out, I told her she'd have to wait as my car was jacked up in the spot next to the van and it wasn't possible for me to jump the van. She just said "yeah bye" and hung up on me. No other bites, nobody wanted to trade, etc. So I just let the ad die.

Anyway, my mom finds out her brother in Vermont is in money troubles and has no car. So she offers him the van. Her brother has Aspergers, 99% likely. He's also got a fully autistic son. He said he was gonna live with us for a couple weeks, because he was running from the authorities in New York State (not law enforcement, DCF) because he was living in a shack on like 80 acres of land with no electricity (besides a generator a few hours a day) and running water with his kids (17 and 19?) and wife. His kids were VERY socially isolated, and almost never saw any other kids or really people in general ever. I'm not gonna judge his decision to live like that, as honestly I'm considering doing almost the same in my life, and just "dropping out" like he did. But that's a separate post.

Anyway, at my house he was a nuisance when I was a kid, and I do TERRIBLE with extra people living in my house. His fully autistic kid would sing a song just to annoy me whenever I walked up the stairs, his cats ruined my basement, and he took over half the house. And he stayed 5 months or so when he said he'd stay a couple weeks. And again, I do terrible with anyone new living in the house. It gets very stressful for me. My sister had one of her boyfriends who was a douchebag living in my house, two of her friends, etc. Just hated it. Like 1-3 days is fine, but prolonged staying in the house, just can't handle it. And this was like 5 months of 4 people.

Anyway, right now, I need to do a bunch of running around and general BS to get the van going for him. My mom wants to drive the van TO HIM, stay at a hotel for the night after the drive, etc. That and it needs a battery, and 2 tires (I did get two used tires for it for $14, but it's $20 a pop to mount them and balance them.) Batteries are expensive as s**t now, too, and the junkyard had no used working batteries for it. So I'm kinda mad, as my mom is like, deadlining me to get all this s**t done when the thing isn't even f*****g registered yet. Oil change, battery, heater line plug, tires hopefully none of the freeze plugs popped this winter or else it's probably a bit f****d, and that's even more BS. And she wants this done by Wednesday. For a van we're giving away for free.

She couldn't be like "Hey brother, I need like $100 to get this thing roadworthy for you if you want it." Nope, my mom is being compassionate to a fault, again. We're also driving it all the way to Vermont. My dad suggested a much more rational plan of just driving up, and driving her brother back down to the van here, and having him drive it home. No need for a hotel and crap like that (because my mom and her sister's fiance are too old to drive long distances and I have too much NVLD to do it, though if push came to shove, like everything in my life, I could probably do it and freak the f**k out and hate every second of it and drink like 10 cups of coffee to accomplish it.) My mom said "What if it broke down?" Well, that's not our problem. Even then, couldn't my mom's brother get like a month of AAA or some kind of roadside assistance, or if we're feeling generous, buy him a month of it or something? So all in all, it's gonna run like $500 for my mom to GIVE this van away to her brother.

My mom did say my uncle gave us a van, so we owe him a favor. Which is true. He did, he left us his old 1980s smaller Toyota van. My dad sold it like an idiot for $75 to some Puerto Ricans who were gonna part it out. The thing still f*****g drove and worked. I could have had that for my first car. I liked the look of that van, too, compared to modern vans. I thought it was cool.

So I guess the main point of my post, testing the limits of forgiveness. As a Christian, you're supposed to forgive people. My uncle during that time didn't get along, and then it caused me psychological issues due to the stress of him living with us, my parent's going through a divorce, I had my first "break down" back then and stopped going to school because of all the stress. Then that got DCF called for my family, me not going to school. So my mom harboring her DCF fugitive brother caused the DCF to get called on us (actually, it didn't, maybe I'm just weak and just a p**** who should have toughened up more in 5th grade. Yeah.)

Now I have to do all this s**t, to give away a van I could have gotten some much needed money for, to a person, that, well, I don't even like. My mom said of course, I didn't need to do all this s**t, but I do. If I don't do it, it makes things worse for everyone by costing more money that we don't have. For example, my mom offered to buy me a brand new TV/monitor when I blew my old one up by mistake by plugging in a 12VAC cord instead of a 12VDC one (They looked the same) which would have been nice, quick, and easy. It also would have cost $150.

So I did the hard thing. I searched Craigslist for about a week after, found a monitor someone was selling for $10, and took a tough drive (for me and my NVLD) to East Hartford on some highways I'm scared to death on, in the rain, to meet a random person at his house and pick up the monitor. Then I drove home, got lost of course, ended up 10-15 miles out of the way, had to turn around, got freaked out because the alternator light was coming on because it was rainy and the belt was slipping on my Galant, and it was pouring bad and I could barely see anything. I was so freaked out that I had to stop at a friend's house and just sit in their garage for a half hour to calm myself down for the rest of the ride home. But I got my monitor, for $10. Despite how f*****g terrible it was, how horrible I felt while doing it, I did it.

And I'll have to do the same for this BS with my van. f**k me. Time for more coffee.

Last edited by 1000Knives on 21 May 2013, 9:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

um, wow


Mr. Advice is speechless.

sorry you are having to deal with all this. try to take a break from worrying about it a couple times per day. your sanity is the most important thing here.

You sound like exactly my kind of hardcore DIYer. I lose my mind too when people use up the time I needed to fix things. Car, computer, bikes, house, you name it. Those old Toyotas you mentioned are a real steal when you can find them (I really want the 4wd for mountain biking!). I'd be pretty pissed if my dad did that - it wouldn't have been a first for me. I don't let my parents touch my car. Last time my dad did, I lost about 15% of the clutch, and my mom drove the one before it over a median.

*sigh* Some people insist on never understanding true independence.

For sure I would at least make your mom pay for all the needed parts and repairs and perhaps ask for a settlement of sorts for the money you have into your van. If your mom wants to move them in your rights on the matter likely depend on how much you contribute to the household.

Well, there isn't much actual money into the van. Just $40 for a radiator which my mom paid for, and like $5 for a freezeplug. Any money in it, my mom paid for, but there wasn't much. Well in some ways, some might have been my money from SSI money, because she applied for SSI when I was like 15 and won and got the backed money, but I was 18 when the money came so technically it was mine, but she had control of the money, but instead of it being "mine" she had it and let me spend it on whatever. I do think I got to spend most of it, though.

Anyway, she's still paying for the small amount of money that has to go into it now. The reason I'm working on it is so she doesn't pay MORE for no reason. Because she would pay more. IE, for tires, instead of $35ish a piece junkyard tires, she'd just run to Firestone and pay like $250-300 for 2 tires, she won't take more effort to spend significantly less money like that. I mean, she has her own disabilities (fibromyalgia) and is chronically tired as hell, so I can understand why she more or less says "aww f**k it" to spending less money for more effort (like running to the junkyard to buy tires like that) but it makes life worse for everyone if I just let her do things like that because we have problems in my house like being perpetually running on the ragged edge for food and gasoline expenses.

What else, I also hate divorce. I hate how I've had to become some weird surrogate husband type figure to my mom in the abscence of my dad, and have to do s**t like this. My parents just got married because my mom's "biological clock" was ticking, she didn't even like my father and just wanted kids. She thought she could "fix" him and his emotional problems and whatever, and my dad thought he could "fix" my mom and make her cook and stuff. Neither got fixed.

I am sorta getting "paid" for this by my uncle, actually. He's giving me some computer parts, which is nice of him, but monetarily they likely won't be worth the money spent by my mom getting the van up there. Also, my uncle didn't even ask my mom for help. I dunno, maybe I'd be thinking differently if he was my brother and not my eccentric uncle who's sort of a dick sometimes. What else, after living with us, my uncle like cut off communication with my mom more or less, but still talks to my mom's sister. She said my mom was a big failure in having kids and stuff instead of being a missionary like she originally planned on. Maybe he was right, maybe I shouldn't even be existing right now and my existence is cursed and that's why my life's been more or less crappy and unsuccessful.

Let's see, my uncle also wrote some sci-fi books (which I haven't bothered to read) in which he portrayed my dad as like a villain and I think me as kind of a dick, too. My uncle hates my father.

EDIT:
Let's see, I've also been a complete idiot with my diet and have drank probably about 2L of soda today to keep up.

Yay, both oil changes for my car and that van went without a hitch. I'm still a bit traumatized from one freak oil change on my mom's Taurus where the filter wouldn't seat right, and it did this twice, and both times it blew like a quart of oil on the ground or something. So oil changes went from "whatever" from "fuuuck, I hope that doesn't happen again." Also my dad bitched at me because when I put on a 3rd filter on and things were fine, he was scheduled to come over to begrudgingly help me and then I canceled and he bitched at me for making him miss work.

Let's hope the tire shop will mount my junkyard tires on. Woo.

Thats good you arn't loseing any money on parts, divorce is painful and I think can understand how you feel living through it, its not fun and never will be at least your older though so you can have a little more say in things then some of us did as kids, not that that makes it easy becouse it will always hard and the relationship dynamics between you,mom and dad very werid and ackward. Having AS makes navigateing those family dynamics only that much harder, perhaps impossible as I never was able to strike a very good balance and could never speak up well about my issues. Your mom's sister sounds very negitive, you need to quit listining to people like that, every family I know has one or more people like and are not a very accurate source of judgement. If your looking for accurate judgement to gage yourself find someone who is more respectful and un-biased.

My parents divorced when I was like 11 or something. My mom's sister is fine, she just repeated what my uncle said.

I do the exact same. My divorced parents save thousands on their cars when I'm there to keep them from getting ripped off. Mechanical ingenuity will keep us on our feet, but it's not something to be given away. Your parents have a simple debt to repay if you're instrumental in their transportation. It's a simple agreement really, you maintain their cars if they're willing to provide you cheap wheels to get around with (there are better choices than the majority of old vans, particularly american ones). Just as I'm studying to be a CS student, I don't fix my parents' technology problems when they're unwilling to fund the gear I need to keep current (subsisting on a 3y/o dell Laptop, some freebies & Android) Ask when the money's there, when it gets there.

I got a Galant I can drive now. So I'm getting "paid" I guess. Also do errands and stuff, too.

What's very frustrating for me is usually more my lack of tools/resources, and the illogicalness of how my mom spends money. Like my mom bought a new car, and admittedly, it's not bad. But she ONLY went to the same dealer she's gotten every single one of her cars from since the 80s. Then she got a "warranty" which only covers oil changes (not even tire rotation) for $15 or so a month. An oil change (with conventional) costs that (I guess that motor would do better with synthetic.) She gets the oil changed like every 3-4 months cuz it's 7500 intervals. She was like "I don't wanna worry about it." Meanwhile much of the time it feels like pulling teeth to get her to budget in an oil filter and a 5 quart jug at Walmart. And it's hard to get tools, too. Like for example, I had to go to NAPA today to try having them charge 2 dead batteries. It'd be much easier if I had a $30-40 Harbor Freight battery charger. That and during the last move (which I had to do the majority of the work for because my sisters apparently can't handle/won't do heavy labor (my sister got to put her posters up and paint her room purple while I moved furniture and stuff) because feminism only applies for job and college applications) all my tools got disorganized as hell and I can't find s**t anymore. Also I hate this house/this neighborhood I live in now.

Blah, at least with an alignment and putting the tires on it's only $80. Not bad.

I like Saabs. The company's non-existant, so one with all the options still costs next to nothing, and they're TOUGH. I drove the last one after my mom's accident for months with nothing but a new wheel & A arm, and my current one lived through a day and a half with no power steering, got a return hose on the pump and never needed an alignment. I deal with all the electrical, oil return and mechanical issues on my car (where I don't need a rivet gun) and it's really pretty eye-opening. If all this weren't enough, I use mine for hauling mountain bikes, tools, skiing and commuting, and at almost 150k my cruise control still works fine.

I've worked on 2 Saabs and both I found pretty dreadful to work on. Hondas I like best to work on. One cool thing with Saabs is the stock turbo setup, you're able to get a lot out of them. I've heard of 300+ hp on stock reprogrammed ECU (reprogrammed for free from your own computer with a cheap ODB cord) and maybe an intake, intercooler and exhaust. Not bad for what the Saabs normally run these days.

Yeah I actually live near someone who tunes those 900s. He builds 186mph+monsters. I'm planning to handle all the basics 1st, then see how far I can take it on pump gas. I shouldn't need more than 260-280hp at the wheels. The only option is actually stock ECUs, although I was probably going to be lazy and get an AccessPort flasher for mine, I can probably also find a way like you mentioned to make my laptop imitate one. All I have done so far is a diverter valve, but that changes as soon as I'm working.

I guess I just love the mental contortions associated with keeping the things running - they really feel "carved from one piece" while driving. I've been in a few all wheel drive BMWs, and honestly I prefer my 9-3. Better MPG, hatchback, great seats, and it's 100% guilt free to smash out of snowbanks like one would with an old truck. What's the only downside to my Saab you ask? Driving my mom's Corolla of course!

I felt that way when my Supra broke.

[img][320:377]http://feel.livelyblog.com/files/2012/11/tfw_grying.png[/img]

The feels.

God I hate Corollas*. It's hard to imagine something so mediocre. My mom had Firestone summer tires under it for the longest time, and one burst on us when she overloaded it driving CO to WA (Denver-Seattle) and I ended up fine-printing through the warranty, getting another of those deathtrap rollers mounted, then, mercifully Craigslisting some Michelins on Camry wheels. after the trip. Those things have the feel of driving on eggshells, only best my twice-as-powerful Saab by 3-5mpg (and 2 octane ratings) and lose so much power at high altitudes it's legitimately dangerous. Cruise control harnessed to >70hp is terrifying. especially cancelling it and having to double downshift. I wouldn't wish a beige Corolla on my worst enemies, they sure don't build Toyotas the way they used to. (New Yaris is French!)

*Sounds like you should find youself an AE86 GT-S though.

Now if only I could find a non-rusty Van Wagon...