Finally biting the bullet

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I've been avoiding this partially because of the extra cost/hassle, and honestly a tendency to minimize problems I've been having. But tomorrow I'm going to have to call my GP for a therapist referral. I've had the occasional work issues, but today I came very very close to chucking a very large chunk of meat at someone's head. It probably wouldn't have hurt them, and bounced off leaving a satisfying trail of ooze, but I definitely would have gotten fired, and I don't usually have such poor impulse control. I was overwhelmed, bit the head off of my boss, and walked out trying not to completely bawl. So yeah. Quitting is not a good option for me financially, and there are very few jobs I haven't had issues with so it's getting beyond me I think. I'm just afraid to get back on the pill merry go round, and I am so p#ss poor at explaining things when I have a problem. I'll just have to go in with a written list, and hope for the best. I have a very very hard time asking for help.

I find minimizing things sometimes useful because sometimes to voice a problem is to give it power over you. Yet I guess some things already have that power and need real attention. So yeah, get the referal and good luck

I'm glad you're going. I think you'll feel better.

((hugs))

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Thanks. Got the ball in motion, now it's time to flex my (miniscule) patience muscle to jump through the right hoops...

It's just my own feeling on the subject, but I think as 'People of the Spectrum' (not corn) there are times when our brain wiring and chemistry gets overloaded and we do need help to get past difficult spots. If the help is not there, well then you do the best you can, but if help is there, I think it wise to use it, whether it be therapy or medications. I don't believe that autism is 'all in your mind' in a psychosematic sense. Its a very real physical based condition no less then a brain injury or trauma. Right now the mechanics of it are only vague indications but it will be found out in its detail in time. Ther is no reason to feel bad or lesser about yourself for getting professional assistance.

I once threw a computer out of the window at work. I got fired.

You sound like me. When the emotions for me get too much in that kind of situation, in order to put things into preportion (such as whether to leave or not) - I write down the cons and pros of the decision, and any future choices that could come from it with the pros and cons of those. Writing it all down doesn't have to take long, just a bullet-point list, and sometimes it makes you realise that you were upset over something that was smaller than you thought. Even put scores next to each point on the list if you want, and list it according to how upset it makes you, rather than how significant you think it should be. Then compare everything at the end. It helps to get everything out, and it's almost better than talking to someone. Also, it gives your emotions/nerves a break as you're using the logical part of your brain.

TS: Yeah. I seem to hit bad spells about once a decade, so I should probably count myself lucky.

babybird: That sucks. In a weird way, I'm a little jealous too.

smudge: I've done that before, but it's a good reminder. I can't really think objectively very well right now though, just kind of stuck in a borderline overload.

I used to throw things,it's a good thing I am a lousy aim.I have not had a temper issue in over a year.That is the longest ever.Maybe the therapy has helped,and the meds.The last thing I "attacked"was in my therapists office,he had a really noisy wall heater,I told him the sound was bothering me,and I felt like kicking it.His reply,"Why don't you?,"So I did.I kicked the s**t out of that noisy ass heater and broke it.They had to replace it and then they gave me a case manager,although they insisted it wasn't because I was "crazy."

It was when I worked on the chat line. I got sick of the chat.

To know if I'm mad at work, just look at my desk. If all personal items are gone, chances are I'm ready to leave.

Unfortunately, anger is the only thing that gives me energy these days.