1000Knives wrote:
Is a conclusion I've came to. You have to be very selective of your friends. I could probably have a lot more friends if I smoked weed/partied/drank/was promiscuous, but I don't wanna do those things. It's a fine line I guess. Obviously not everyone you meet is gonna be exactly like you and you must compromise. Some people can even do those things and as long as they're tolerant and respect your choice to not do those things the relationship will work.
Besides "things" people do, some people are manipulative, narcissistic, sociopathic, etc. Or they'll simply ask a lot of favors or help of you. I've been guilty of the favors thing in the past, to be honest. Some people with bad personality traits, are OK in small doses. Especially if they attempt to right wrongs, or if the wrongs done are just mistakes, etc. But most people of this type should be steered clear of.
To some extent, friends ARE easy to make, really. Just talk to people. I've never really had a problem making friends, just keeping them, I guess either because I'm a dick and have bad personality traits, or my eccentricity/etc. But generally the "friends" that stay are people above who want something from you. It's hard to find boring normal friends. And sometimes too, it's just missed connections for friendship, ie, someone lives too far away to see them often, etc.
And before people give suggestions of "LOL WHAT ABOUT CHURCH?" or something. Been there, done that. It's the same everywhere you go where there's a bunch of people. Church should have taught me a lot. So many people from church went out drinking, smoking weed, and partying, most of the time together. So many people seemed to be just "hang arounds" not actually interested in theology or anything like that.
Maybe it's because of two friendships I decided to not participate in anymore, there's no point in having friends who just bring drama or general ill into your life, or excessively gossip/etc. Whatever.
I guess the problem's been solved. I don't need more friends, or to go out and socialize more, etc. It's good to have very few friends. More people as "friends" just means more trouble in general for you. So I guess I'm cool with my handful of old friends I occasionally talk to. And my "boring" life.
So yeah, f**k all that "lol expand your social circle" BS. Most people suck and aren't worth being friends with anyway.
I totally get where you're coming from and agree with you to a point.
What I've come to realise, is that most people - who of course are mostly NT - have a larger circle of friends, many of whom us Aspies would consider to be more acquaintances.
What I believe is that it's far better to have quality than quantity.
It took me some time to realise this, and I used to hang out with a bunch of guys at my local watering hole, many of whom were my friends by extension, as they were my brother's friends, many of whom were in his year at school.
Nowadays by comparison I pretty much keep to myself, hang out with my wife and sometimes go out with her and her friends, who by extension have become my own friends.
There is no law that says you must have so many friends, (either on FB, WP, or in real life), but obviously most of us have to have some level of social interaction, whether we like it or not.
So by all means, don't fall into the trap of feeling the need to conform to someone else's ideal and have many friends, but by the same token, make sure the friends that you do have a true friends and worth the effort.
That seems practical and logical, and a better solution than being a complete loner.
03 Aug 2013, 10:59 pm
