isolationism

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More and more lately I want to stay just in my apartment and away from human beings. All this political bullcrap, people trying to divide the country, hate everywhere. I just cant deal with it all. Creating too much doubt and uncertainty.

I am on disability so maybe I shouldn't worry as none of this nonsense should affect my life unless the people who want to dismantle social security are lying about their plans not affecting anyone over 55,(I am almost 58),..yet, still, my OCD tendencies have me all warped up in a knot all the time.

Thanksgiving around the corner and family planning big get together for first time in years, but I want nothing to do with it. Have instructed them to save me a dish that I will pick up later.

I just don't want to go outside at all other than to purchase necessities and for late, late night walks in the silence and darkness of no traffic time.

Even when I have to venture into a store I feel like Pacman as I bounce in and out of aisles trying to avoid contact with any human beings.

More and more I am beginning not only to want to avoid human beings but actually developing a hatred for human beings. I actually resent any interaction with human beings, snapping and cursing at people in stores who walk around on cell phones, oblivious to anyone and everyone trying to go around, under or over them.

I guess I am lucky to be in a position that I can pick and choose when I go outside, and can extricate myself from any situation involving human beings by just turning around and walking away, out a door or in another direction without explanation or excuse.

I sometimes think that I would be better off in a long term mental health care facility if I was not so afraid of horror stories about these institutions from the 60's, 70's and 80's. I think I could deal with that existence if I could just walk up and down the halls all day, not looking at anyone or speaking to anyone, but I guess eventually I would miss my freedom to come and go as I please. And hate having to shove medications down my throat every day.

My mind is just in such a state of flux these days

I spent two months as a patient in a psych hospital and many years as a nurse in long term hospitals. Neither experience was fun. Very depressing, actually. I don't blame you for trying to avoid them like the plague.

As far as loneliness and isolation is concerned, I wish I wasn't alone. Really, I'm tired mentally and physically for trying to keep my head above water every day. It can wear you out thin and I feel like I'm there already.

I think all the political suspense theater is exactly the reason I should get out more and find some way of interacting with other people. Being cooped up indoors reading all that nonsense online is so depressing. I wish I had something better to do.

it is still more tiring for me to be out and about than to be cooped up in my little hermithole in the woods.

Is it tiring to be with outside in nature by yourself?

living around yahoos and their incessantly yapping mutts is tiring, yes.

I pictured Walden Woods. Sounds more like Indiana, where I am.

where I live is like a little piece of the deep south. lily white and tea party.

Oh, lucky you! (because you don't seem like-minded).

am about the only Asian person around these parts.

I hope you are safe, auntblabby.

thank you hope you're safe also. am flying down to AZ tomorrow so I need all the nice safe thoughts directed my way that I can get

moebius - it is difficult to know what to do. Isolation feels so right and good but it is also associated with deterioration. Maybe a 1 or 2-week break from humans. You could stay away from the news and have your groceries delivered. Getting back out there in the world can be difficult, though.

I will think safe thoughts for you, AB. I have heard good things about AZ, about its beauty. The airport and cramped, sometimes smelly, airplanes can be challenging, though.

sky harbor [phoenix airport] is a big ball of confusion. but AZ is pretty and as long as I avoid it between the months of may and September, not too hot.