Trying To Climb Higher But Keep Falling Down

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I don't know what it is maybe it's this girl, maybe it's school, maybe it's were I live. s**t, it's probably all three.

The girl. She's incredible, I am infatuated, and she doesn't seem to have the time for me. I've talked about two girls on this forum before that have driven me batshit insane, I can get over one pretty easy cause we're really good friends and she's younger than me. The other girl is my age, and I have far more in common with her than the other one. She's really smart, I'll take intelligence over beauty any day, back in class we could talk about stuff through out the entire period and miss all the class work cause we had so much interesting stuff to talk about. She's gamer which is another plus I've been looking for a girl I could just chill with and play video games for recreational time. But she lives far away, and I don't have a car, also she works and goes to school full time so she barely has time for her real friends and thus no time for me. I try not to look at this selfishly, it's not her fault, it could never be her fault, I can't control fate, or someones freewill. Still she gets to me though I don't know why I can't get over her like every other girl that has turned me down, this is contributing to my failures in the next two areas.

School. I hate school, I hate institutions we're you're required to learn things you might not even want to. College is no exception, it may be better than highschool, but I still haven't found my place here. Also they only offer help if you pay for it, they only want you to go to another college after you complete their courses, and have to fill out their paperwork. You don't truly have a choice in your teachers or classes you get to pick, you have to pick em to fit around your crappy ass backward bus schedule that runs only every three hours. You don't know who you'll meet, I met the girl in the aforementioned paragraph, but you better act f*****g quickly or you may never see this person again, and when you do you learn that school and work are keeping her from seeing you! I hate school, I hate the government, I hate nearly all the government funds.

Were I live. In a small town called Cambria, California it's about half-way between LA and San Francisco, if you've ever been to Hearst Castle odds are you've driven through here. It's a town were everybody is everyone's god damn business so you better stay clean or else you'll be outed faster than cheetah. It's a town were there is nothing better to do than lay around and get stoned all day, so that's what I do; I slowly pass the time waiting for the day I either move or die here miserably. I can't move out of here cause I lack the money and the necessary education to transfer to bigger better college. I really want to move to Colorado Springs and go to Colorado College, but it's a private college with only a 25% acceptance rate. I'm stuck in hell only there's pine trees everywhere.

I used to be able to get over anything but now life is getting very real. Will me and this girl fall in love? Will I find that place were I fit in like most do in College? Will I get out of this butt-fuck small town? The steps on the ladder of life are beginning to break one by one, and I'm about fall to the bottom and break my neck.