Catty Women!

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I imagine no sane woman NT or otherwise would want to deal with envious, vindictive, mean spirited women on a regular basis if at all; especially if she is not that way.

Maybe because I have 'Asperger's' I see NO rational reason to act in such a way, ever. I have many people refer to me a being "like a man" because of "how" I talk and view some things. REALLY?! I honestly don't mind that so much, it's been said to me for many years so much that I joke that psychologically I'm 25% male.

If you have any insightful advice on how to deter this negative behavior or how to abandon someone (or both), please state it.

I did manage to let go of someone after years of a toxic friendship (these two are very similar). The difference is one has children that she neglects and I help her out with them and I have known her longer( well over a decade). The relationship has been toxic ever since I turned 18 and hit it's peak when I was about 22-23. It wanes now; honestly seems that when I drop 10-15lbs it gets worse, dies down when I gain it back. This time it got really bad because I had a new ring on.

So, I am fully aware. I did not honestly notice this (from either) until someone pointed it out to me, then I started researching personality types and temperaments, etc. More and more people would mention it to me indirectly which I eventually got when I went home to recap my day or week.

Another recent example is, she was nicer to me for a couple of weeks until I finally agreed to write her research paper for her. Then when she got an A she told me and it has gotten progressively worse since then(less than a week ago). This is a common pattern.

I'm weak and I don't know how to get out! How to make it STOP.

I know exactly the type of person you mean, and yes, it's horrible to have people like that in your life. I've had to be around catty women and girls throughout school (bullied by them) and then even on into adult years in the workplace and in circles of friends or acquaintances. I CANNOT STAND this type of behavior.

Oddly, though, I have known men to be catty too, in ways more often witnessed in the women. Either way, whoever it is, it's an abhorrent way of being.

What I strive to do -- though this is not always possible depending on the nature of the relationship or situation (work, etc) -- is to cut a person like that out of my life. Honestly, what kind of friend is that to have to deal with? A real friend and a decent, mature person secure in themselves is above petty cattiness like that. You don't need the added stress of someone who is petty, catty, envious and mean spirited like that in your life, and they in turn do not actually deserve the goodness of your sincerity and friendship. Let them go out of your life if it's at all possible under the circumstances.

As for the woman whose children you help out with, I can see that this is tougher because you're worried about those kids without the additional help you give. The best you can do is try to give no fuel to the woman. Even if she picks up on a new accessory or new weight loss and makes a zinger about it, ignore the comment. Literally act like you didn't even hear it or she didn't say it, and breeze on with some other question, remark, topic of conversation, or physically move off, such as taking a coffe mug back to the sink and mentioning a new TV show you caught last night, or some other complete non-sequitur -- or even go home, saying "Okay then, looks like the kids are settled in and I guess I'll see you tomorrow!" (Big smile like everything's fine). Act like nothing was even said.

When you don't react to the words or deeds of a bully who lives for a reaction from their victim (and this petty cattiness is, I feel another form of subtle bullying), they get none of the satisfaction they were hoping for, and you let their crap "die on the vine" so to speak.

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If she keeps saying "Did you hear me?" over and over while you ignore the remark or talk about something else, finally say something like "Mary, you're so observant of every little thing -- that's a great quality!" Or "It must be exhausting!" with a wink and a smile on your face as you walk away to do something else.

Never respond directly to the content of what the person said, and never play the catty game back, but instead deflect attention back toward them in a way that doesn't acknowledge the content of what they said.

Hope this works out! These people can be a pain in the you know what!

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I have dealt with some really catty women in my life. The ones who I recall are:

1. A former set of female co-workers who just seemed to nit pick you for everything to your face and behind your back
2. A woman at my congregation humiliated me in public right before servive that I need to wear a sports bra or our rabbi will get upset when I jiggle during the dance
3. A former roommate from more than a decade ago whined that I was not her age and could not bring home any alchohol because I had not turned 21 yet. She also said that I could not go to her false birthday party as a result.
4.My mom- comparing my religion system to their family dog
5. A former childhood friend making comments that I did not eat right and was too skinny.

@ BirdInFlight I will try it for sure.

@ SummerTwilight
I have had the same issues with coworkers. It was terrible when the bosses did the same things..

I have gotten a giggle out of watching one certain woman try to one-up me. I don't understand why she would be jealous of someone who's as bland as mayonnaise.

I think it's the way our culture teaches us that we need to be a certain way or other people find a way to cut you down.

More examples of Catty people.

How about women who boast about blocking you on FB and any other social media sites?