Getting Help? Where To Start?

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I spend a lot of time on here just trying to take my mind off things. Partaking in light or humorous discussions. Giving advice when I have had personal experience with the topic. Reading others' posts, trying to better understand myself. Now it's time for me to open up, which has always been hard for me to do, even in writing.


I have never been diagnosed with anything. Nor have I ever talked with a specialist. I have always just dealt with it, never saw a reason for a diagnosis.

Well now I am beginning to see how my life is being affected.

I have been missing a lot of work lately due to depression and social anxiety. I am one more occurrence away from being fired. I cant say I love my job, but I don't want to start all over again.

I have a girlfriend who has been very patient and supportive with my not "being there", physically, emotionally, mentally. But recently I have felt the tension between us and we sort of talked about it. Or rather she did, and I tried my best not to shut down. She said maybe it was time I talked to a doctor or something. We came very close to breaking up that night. Our relationship is kind of on hold right now. I tried to explain how hard it is for me to love someone, and at the same time just wanting to be alone. That its not just her, but everyone, friends, family. Most of the time, I don't want to be around anyone. I feel really guilty about never spending time with my family.

That was the venting part. Now the question.

Where do I even begin to get help? Do I talk to a therapist? Do I go to the hospital?

It just seems like everything is falling apart lately. I feel so stressed out all of the time. I don't want to live like this anymore.

And to be honest with myself, maybe I am a little afraid. Maybe my cynical views are a way to cope.
When my mom suggested a few years ago that I should get checked out, that maybe I had a chemical imbalance like she does, my first thought was "I don't want to be another notch on some pill pushers belt".

What if i'm misdiagnosed?

As I said before, I have a hard time opening up. I don't know how I would do in a situation like that. Talking to someone I don't know about whats going on in my head.

I guess I truly am scared. But I have to stop this downhill roll.
Even if I don't get "better", I don't want to get worse.

I think i can understand in a way we're your coming from with all of this, I also at times get a feeling of being low on energy/ emotionally exhausted if i've spent to much time being around people. I don't know how often you prefer being alone / how much time you're able to spend with people before it start's to "drain" on you, still there's basic things you can do to try to make things a little easier when it comes to these things.

First i think you should have a conversation with your girlfriend, your family or maybe even closest friends, where you can tell them about how being around people sometimes make you feel, and that you from time to time prefer being alone. You could also add to it and tell them when and maybe why these things occur, plus for example you along with them could come up with ideas on how they can approach you and you can approach them when these "i feel like being alone" moments occur.

Maybe at such times if you tell them about it they will have "emergency" activities for you to do together that can help you ignore/get over this "alone time" craving or what i am to call it - It could be specific things you could do together (maybe go places were you wouldn't have to be around as much people if that's the biggest issue, then maybe staying at one of yours houses relaxing would be a good idea. It could also be just watching a movie at home which would mean none of you would have to talk as much, or maybe you could put on some great music, have a few drinks together, while playing some games etc. If it's times where being social is the biggest problem, but being around people/ crowds isn't as hard, doing something that is of interest to you, maybe going to concerts, to the movies, the library - The live music or the movie could help you get your thoughts on something else, and maybe make you feel slightly more relaxed and less pressured to be social - at least for a while. Smaller cafe's could also be an option.

If it's days where it's really bad and you just have to be alone - you can agree with your girlfriends, family etc. that they would at least let you be alone for so and so long at minimum but on the other side they could force you out of that state after a certain time - That when you've been alone for a maximum of time they can help "pull you out of it".

It could be of help for you to make sure that you have a healthy diet and drink enough water, that you exercise daily (it could be jogging, going for a walk, at the gym etc). These 3 factors can help you feel happier as a person, and not to mention it's a confidence booster - a happier and more confident you will also make it a little easier for you being in social situations.

You could also mention this to your doctor, what it does to you emotionally and physically etc. He/she will probably have some ideas on what might be of help, It could be recommending a specific shrink for you to go to and talk things out with. Medicine i imagine would be a last option so if you try the other things first - hopefully they will be of help.

Sorry for my English by the way, I'ts not my language so the way i write sometimes ends up looking like a big pile of confusion ^^P

@ Sanome: Thank you for your recommendations. There are some good ideas there.
But its more than just disconnecting from people. Although that is one of the biggest issues.

It's just seems like everything that I usually deal with once in a while, is all piling up on me at once. I cant fall asleep. I just lay there with this feeling of, I don't even know how to explain it. Restlessness? Hopelessness? Helplessness? None of those really seem to describe it.

Man I feel weird posting all of this, like im handing out invitations to a pity party
Just confused. Never felt this bad for this long before.

Just wanted to point out your options in seeking assistance are related to your healthcare situation. Loosing your job could have a effect on what options are open to you.

As I mentioned what assistance you seek is related to what healthcare system you are in and each has its own rules and requirements. They publish handbooks and also normally have the rules available online. They will include sections on mental health and what the procedure is and what is covered, etc. So I suggest coming up to speed on that as essential in this first stage. You can see doctors on your own, but that is usually too expensive for most to afford.

You may need to see your personal physican first and get a referral to a psychologist for an evaluation. The Psychologist may recommend a therapist, or just see you themselves for a time (or both) and may prescribe medications. It can work out in different ways but really depends a lot on your specific health plan. If you don't have a health plan its a different sysytem, which I am not familar with, but is usually available, so you would have to find out how that works.

It's a hell of a slap when you find that out. Don't feel bad about your postings, it takes great strength doing what you are doing.

You may get some help from some people. (I don't know much about help available; hypnotherapy and NLP was my way.)

Ultimately, it's down to you.

You clearly have problems with the life that you lead - to understate things, it's not entirely you, and you don't want to do/can't cope with/will not cope with certain aspects of it.

So, you have a choice. One, you completely 'be yourself' and a lot of things/relationships might have to change. And, yes, that will be scary!
Two, you compromise, you list what you can't do, what you can, and what you can do in a compromised way.
Three, you cave in and force yourself to behave like, erm, the 'perfect person' would in your situation.

I chose option one. I lost a lot (materially and in terms of relationships), but in some ways gained a lot, too. I can't recommend any option, though. You're not me.

You need to be thinking clearly, though. If you are feeling fear, that's not going to help. You have got through thirty odd years, and you have resources you can use if you mobilise them.

And I'm sure you're a bloody good bloke, too.

I took some time out and to calm myself down and think things out. Tomorrow I am going to make an appointment. I know it's kind of stupid for me to feel scared. But getting this far and then suddenly admitting to myself that I'm not in complete control of my life, kinda put the zap on me.

I recognize some of these traits in my Grandpa and Dad, and Aunt on the same side of the family. I guess I just thought "If they can deal with it, so can I". I can't bring myself to talk to them about it even though I have wanted to a few times, just to get a little more understanding.

So I am glad that I found this site and get to hear others' stories. It really has helped me a lot.

@ Octobertiger: Thanks man. I appreciate the support

Hey, I'm here. And others are here, too.

You should make an appointment to see a psychiatrist and a therapist.

I am trying to get referrals right now. Wanted to try for today but wound up sleeping all day as usual. I work nights so even on my days off its hard not to be a nocturnal creature. I cant sleep at night unless I stay awake for a day to get on that routine.

Thank you everyone for the suggestions

Woke up at a somewhat decent time today. Called to make an appointment with family doctor to maybe get a referral to a therapist. Because I don't know which name to pick out of the phone book and the only ones I found online close to where I live are child psychologists.

The doc office told me that they no longer accept me as a client because one of my bills was sent to collection. So I called the collection agency. They told me that the bill was paid way back in 2005. Called the doc again to see if I had any outstanding bills. They said no. But because that 1 bill went to collection, I am no longer a client. This took some time and added to my stress because I loathe talking on the phone and usually just stare at it, going over in my head what im going to say, before I actually make the call.

As they say, if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. Even when I try to do something good for myself, I end up with the short end of the stick.

Took a walk in the sunshine, as I rarely get to see much sunlight and thought it would do me some good.

Looked around again online and found a place that may be a good starting point. But by the time I called, the office was closed.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day

Just felt like ranting for a bit

Hi SwampOwl. Hope this other prospect (different doctor?) is able to schedule you an appointment. The way this usually goes involves passing through a series of screenings and sets of questions to determine as close as possible what your primary difficulties are and do referrals and maybe talk to you about medication as a possibility from there. So, on the first step, a doctor will be most interested in your depression and anxiety. How long you've had it, how long the depressed periods last, how bad, etc. Same for anxiety. Then a bunch of questions about physical stuff that will probably sound entirely unrelated to anything you're concerned about. Doctor just needs to rule out some physical explanations for instabilities in your mood. Doctor may ask if medication is an avenue of treatment you might be open to, and if so, may send you for blood tests just to be on the safe side before prescribing anything.

With referral to psychiatrist, you may have to be on a waiting list for a while before you get your appointment. It depends on the country you live in. In Canada (my home country) they had a triage sort of system in conjunction with the waiting list. So, if it was determined that there is some urgency to your case, the line can be shortened or skipped entirely. I specifically told them it was not urgent so they put me on normal waiting list, which was about four months.

Talking about this stuff; it gets easier. You'll be nervous as hell at the first appointment probably. I certainly was. I drove out to the doctors office a couple times first and left before finally managing to make it through the door. The good news is that you don't have to be worried about communicating all of your problems yourself. Doctor will ask lots and lots and lots of questions and if that doesn't cover it they ask if there was anything else you'd like to discuss right at the end. This is doubly true of psychiatrists.

Also, the hospital is a viable option if you are in crisis. Every emergency room has an emergency mental health sections specifically for this purpose. If you need help RIGHT NOW, please do not hesitate to go to hospital.

@ MrStewart : No, it's not crisis level , I hope my posts didn't make it sound that way. Just been really stressed, depression and anxiety taking their turns on me. I've been using this post to vent rather than sit here and let it eat away at me. A sort of therapy if you will.

Up until now, I haven't felt the need for clinical help. So I literally didn't know how to go about it. But as I learn a little more each day, the stress becomes less and less. Thanks to the good folks here, I'm not as frustrated as I begin to understand what steps I have to take

I know what you mean by driving to the docs a few times before going. I must have picked up the phone and put it back down about 15 times

Good good. It is a worthwhile process to go through, i think, despite some of the inconveniences involved. For me, I believe getting help did save my life.