How am I supposed to cope with all this?

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There's a ton of things I'd like to get out of my system, but my mind is such a mess at this point in time that I'm not sure if this makes any sense.

Anyway, I'm a 22 year old guy from Finland, diagnosed with Aspergers and selective mutism. I also deal with extreme anxiety and substance abuse problems. I don't really get it myself how I've managed to stay somewhat sane and regained a mostly positive outlook on life so far, but I don't think I can deal with all this much longer. Firstly, my financial situation is just terrible, I'm constantly stressing over how I'm to pay the bills, I owe money to several companies that loan small amounts of money quickly with high interest and every month I'm forced to ask my mother for financial aid.

I'm miserably lonely. My social skills are simply terrible and the only friends I've ever been able to make (with one exception, more on that further down) are online. Even those people, I feel, have lately started to despise me, because whenever I try to reach out for them for help I come off as a whiny and manipulative drama queen. I don't know, perhaps I really am just that, but not on purpose.

The only sexual experiences I had a while ago lead only to more misery. There was this guy I've known for a few years online who I ended up sleeping with (though I don't feel like writing a detailed story of how it happened at this point). I, of course being pathetically naive, got my hopes up and thought I might have a chance with this person. However, after a while he decided to tell me that the only reason he was with me was out of pity, and he felt no attraction to me whatsoever. Though I should have realized this from the start, I still was heartbroken.

To top it off, I've been drinking heavily lately, and though I know it's a crappy way to deal with things, I still do it because at least it numbs all the emotional pain a bit. So, that's about all I'm able to share with the world at the moment, even though I don't know why I even bother. I've been a member of Wrong Planet for years, but this is the first time I decided to actually participate in any way. I guess you guys are my last resort, I'm hoping there's at least someone there who can relate to what I'm going through here.

So you've gone through all that and survived? You must be a tough cookie.

Hello there I always thought people from Finland solved problems with javelins. Maybe that's not true...

Financial situations can crush the life out of a person. Can you try and get your debts frozen? It's hard looking at it, though, if it makes you anxious.

1) STOP getting money from the payday loan people. Pay it off-- by whatever legal means necessary, whether that means finding a job, a second job (no matter how menial, demeaning, crummy of a job it is), and doing whatever (legal) crap is necessary to keep it, continuing to get help from your mom, even going without utilities and eating at soup kitchens or out of garbage bins if necessary. I know that sounds gross, and I admit I don't know the garbage situation in Finland, but here in America perfectly good food ends up in the garbage bin for minor blemishes, and the ONLY reason I don't take it out and serve it up for dinner or can it for future use and/or to distribute to friends is that I CAN afford to buy food and I believe it is wrong for me to take it from the mouths of those who can't.

Yes, this is degrading and humiliating and sucky. My heart breaks for you, and I am NOT being sarcastic or snide. It really does. For you, and for millions of other people in the same position (and millions in worse positions).

NEVER take out another high-interest short-term loan. No matter how they advertise themselves, those lenders are PREDATORS and the poor and desperate are their targeted prey.

2) Try very very hard to scale back the drinking. I won't tell you to STOP, but set limits and stick to them. You CAN do this. Use that wonderful strong Aspie will.

3) You just keep speaking to strangers, and keeping notes on the interactions, and you will eventually figure out what works and what doesn't. I know-- you CAN'T. I couldn't either, when I was 19. But I made myself start, figuring that if it failed I had lost nothing and if it succeeded I had gained. It is EXTREMELY difficult to start; it gets easier with time and I think you will find that with repetition it both improves social skills and slowly dampens social anxiety. It did for me. It took YEARS, and it was hard, but I've gained FOUR friends (actually SIX, EIGHT if you count the two that have passed away). GOOD friends. I've gained casual acquaintances. I've gained the ability to do it again and make more friends. It was hard, it was scary, I smoked a lot of cigarettes (which I do NOT recommend) and cried a lot. I got there. It is still a white-knuckle (very anxiety-provolking) experience, but I got there.

4) Speaking to strangers WILL lead to people who want to take advantage of you. You will NOT be good at distinguishing them, and it will take time (possibly decades-- I am STILL bad at it) to learn. Take safeguards with ALL the people: You do not give out your last name, phone number, or address. You do not allow yourself to be alone (stay in well-populated, well-lit public places) with them until you have run into them and spoken to them multiple times. No matter how much you want to, you DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL CONTACT WITH THEM. NONE. No intercourse, no kissing, no hugging. If you HAVE to touch them, keep it to hand-to-hand-- handshake, high five. Waving would be better.

5) DO NOT believe the thoughts that everyone you talk to despises you. Everyone comes off as whiny and manipulative at times-- especially when they're anxious and depressed. Try to work on manipulative behavior, and let the whiny go. You can worry about it later. Whining isn't a crime.

6) Don't be so hard on yourself. You are 22, for crying out loud. Plenty of NT people have made the same mistakes-- and plenty of them are over 22, and learned from it, and got on with their lives. Plenty of them also didn't-- so when you manage to, you'll be beating the average. Plenty of NT people still need financial help from their folks at 22. The idea that they don't is a polite-society lie.

I wish. At least that would be all straight forward, something I'd understand.

Well, first of all, I'm unemployed and considering all the problems I face with social situations and executive functioning, I'll probably remain unemployable for a good while longer. Your advice about searching for food in garbage bins isn't all that strange, there's plenty of people who do that sort of thing, go out and search for food that's been for some reason dumped by convenience stores in their garbage bins here. I really don't know if I'd be able to go through with that though, because as far as I know, that sort of scavenging is illegal and I couldn't face the consequences if I was to be caught.

I should have realized just what kind of predicament I set myself up to, when I first decided to take this kind of a sort term loan. But as I stated, I've had problems with substance abuse and I suppose that was the primary reason I first decided to go through with this.

This should definately be the starting point, if I am to regain my composure.

I'm just so overly sensitive to what others think of me, that I'm not sure if I could do this. I know, in theory, it's pretty much nothing to just approach a stranger and start a conversation, but in practice it's a whole different story. By the way, I myself do smoke quite a bit and as hazardous as it is to one's health, it at least takes out a bit of the edge of my anxiety.

This shouldn't be all that difficult. I'm not much into having sex with complete strangers, I really need some trust to be build before I'm comfortable enough to hit the sack with someone.

This is going to be hard. My self-esteem is pretty much non-existent and as such it's really difficult for me not to feel like s**t whenever I try to contact other people around me in a meaningful way.

Yeah, I know. Compared to others my life's probably not all that terrible, but I still am afraid of the future. If I'm not able to come up with some serious changes soon, I'll just end up as a another bum in the street corner, weeping for what could have been if only I'd done things differently. Probably for the first time in my life, I'm really scared of what's waiting for me.

EDIT: Oh yeah, thanks for the replies. I was really afraid no one would reply to my whiny post, but I'm really thankful that at least there are a couple of people out there that seem to care just a bit.

I was there too.

I STILL do battle with "I am broken and everyone hates me." It does not take much to set it off. It is a daily battle and may be for life. I wish I had better advice than "Keep fighting." Sometimes I yell back at those thoughts. "PROVE IT!" "BS!!" "SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!!" "Must suck being perfect..."

I get the terror of judgment thing too. Some of them will judge you, some won't. In the end, what they think isn't as important as you buiding skills and a life for yourself. There are 7 billion people on this rock; no matter who you are or what you do some of them are going to judge you badly.

I wish I had time to type more and think it over better.

It CAN get better from here. DO NOT GIVE UP!! !! !

I hear you. I suppose the breaking point for me was the thing with the guy I had sex with, it really damaged my already fragile self-esteem and sent me spiraling downwards mentally. I've tried my best to look at my situation objectively, and realized I was over-reacting a bit. All things considered, I still have a roof above me, I get to eat everyday and could even potentially get along with people if I could just let go of my over-analyzing nature and all the self-pity. Also, the thought of killing myself terrifies me too much for me to go through with it, so with that not being an option, the only way from here is up, I guess.