I just don't care anymore

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I don't know if it's because I've been working so hard these past few years with no results... or because i'm getting older (31), or if it's because I've given up on dating or making friends.. but I stopped caring. I have lost the last bit of caring I was trying to save but now it's gone. I still work but I don't know how much longer i'll be able to (or want to) tolerate the bullying and demoralizing going on at work. I realize that without working you can't survive in America... you can't afford rent... you basically automatically become homeless. You'd think being homeless and going cold and hungry would motivate someone enough to care but I really don't. I've lived alone going on 7 years now and I've stopped caring. I haven't showered in a week and I have no plans to. I stopped paying my bills and my rent... I guess i'm just waiting for the end to come... And I won't be going to any nasty shelter... they are filled with violent/angry people. No... my plan is to trek into the woods, bring a tent, a warm sleeping bag and maybe a couple cans (or pouches) of food and live my days or weeks or months out until nature takes me.

What have I got to lose? Death is the only freedom a slave will ever know.

I'm tired of being everyone's tool-bag and punching-bag. I'm tired of being one of the only people who does not experience love or romance. I'm tired of working harder than everyone else and getting paid less. Society can choke on their own greed... I wont have anything more to do with it.

Untreated depression has the potential to get increasingly worse until it kills you.

I would suggest to you that you are seriously unwell, and would ask if you wish to be killed by your illness.

You tried drugs? Psych meds or recreational ones?

I'll tell you the one thing no depressive likes to hear: I've been there - I'm still here.

I've been homeless many times and lived "out there" in the urban, and rural, wild. I usually had a car so I slept in that. If you do go that route maybe you can write about it. I'm always fascinated by how people survive on the streets. I don't wish it on anyone and I'm not encouraging you to do it. Realistically, though, it does happen.

I've been on antidepressants for nearly 10 years. It has kept me from suicidal thoughts in the past but at a very heavy cost... It turned me into a perfect slave: working menial jobs, never complaining, and getting nowhere. I've had enough of that. A ridiculous amount of people are taking psychoactive drugs to make themselves feel happy about being abused and disrespected by society. If America had antidepressants back during the slavery days, slavery would have never ended.

Your life is your right. It is yours to live or yours leave.

If you've got any advice or pointers, i'm all ears

I read an article recently about the "intentional poor". They are white people from affluent backgrounds who decided that if you win the rat race you're still a rat, and bailed. Some live in shacks on leased land, or maybe they once had good paying jobs and enough money to buy land. Some are nomadic, like gutter punks or hobos. (The difference: gutter punks beg, while hobos work.) In some areas you can live on only a few thousand dollars a year, or you can go nomadic and hop trains and hitchhike. Dropping out of society didn't die with the 60s. Google "intentional poor nbc article" and see if you can find the story.

Sad to read when someone is trying so hard but not finding satisfaction in life. But I am convinced one never trully knows what might come walking around the corner tommorrow that can change your life for the better.

So I do not think giving up is a good choice, especially at 31 which is relatively young. Instead I would get back on the wagon and put things back together. Also, you increase your chances of something coming around the corner if you visit more corners. A good relationship can really change things, but you might have to meet several people before you find a really good match.

It is very much a go out and make it happen thing. The more you meet, the better chance of finding a good match. It's not about playing the game. It's about going out and making your life, maybe helping someone else's life, for you, and for them.

You not only can live without a job--you can even live with no money and be fine. All you need to do is grow your own food and build your own supplies. You can make tools by sharpening rocks like people did 10,000 years ago.

Sadly, the land such a person would live upon is owned. Either state, federal or private. No matter where you go, you will be kicked out or arrested if found.

Not too long ago there was an article of a guy who lived on federal land for like 12 years and he basically had to live like a hunted man... his home was concealed and underground, he had to avoid the areas where he could be spotted as he fished and hunted... if he heard people or dogs he had to run and hide, etc. He got caught eventually and is now in some mental health clinic I think.

There was also an article of a guy that dumped all his posessions, bought a good lot of land, set some kind fund that would cover land tax and what not for decades and just lived there semi-nomadically. That would work fine...but you need a lot of money to do that.