My Mom is kicking me out of the house

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I promise I didn't do anything bad to get kicked out. Just let me explain:

Just 2 months ago I thought I was going to go to a nice 4-year college in Chicago. Soon after I thought that, I learned that I wouldn't be able to get the loan since my parents refused to co-sign with me, so I couldn't go to the school.

My mom's house is full of non-physical violence. Everyone's constantly fighting and yelling at each other. I also have severe depression, give or take, which doesn't help either. It's been a living hell for me the last who-knows-how-long of my life. Leaving for college in a completely different state was going to be my way to get away from it all and leave my family behind. As of now, that's not going to happen. Very disappointing.

My mom's house is also "small", and what I mean by that is that we have 3 bedrooms that house 4 people. My sisters fight so much, my mom elected to share the largest bedroom with my youngest sister. Honestly, the house is a pretty good size; someone could sleep in the basement if needed! But this makes no difference to my mom.

Because of the financial issues I've been having, I've enrolled in a local community college, which does not offer housing. They do have a partnership with a housing company (not sure if partnership is the right word...) but the cheapest price offered to rent a shared bedroom in a shared apartment with the least amount of amenities as possible is $717/month, which I simply cannot afford. I guess I could look on Craigslist, but I feel like that could go terribly wrong. All I'm looking for is to rent one bedroom (with access to most of the rest of the house I guess). I also never got a job and was advised against it because I'll be taking 14 credits my first semester (to qualify for full-time status 12 is the minimum).

My parents are divorced.

So if you add up the last four paragraphs, you get something like this: my mom has decided, with the help of her brother (my uncle), to force me out of her house to go live with my dad.

I'm really stressed about this, to say the least. I can't say I'm very comfortable living with my dad; he has had anger-management issues in the past (a.k.a. he attacked me once) and he doesn't live in the nicest neighborhood. He hasn't had to deal with living in the same house with one of his children for about 10 years. On the other hand, my mom is as angry as hell at me for trying to refuse going to live with my father, in short calling me an ungrateful s.o.b. She expects an apology letter from me because I dropped the f-bomb once during our fight while she cursed me out the whole time (without using the f word).

I've tried talking to my friends about this. One of them mentioned living in a homeless shelter. Personally, I want to run away from my parents and never go back, I just can't find anywhere to go. I've been looking up pricing on Amtrak and Greyhound; I can afford to run away from home as long as I know someone is waiting for me on the other side. I also have Asperger's, if you haven't guessed, and I have a difficult time taking care of myself. I can't put myself up for adoption because I'm 18, although I've never really lived with a loving, caring family and I wouldn't mind finding one (if you happen to know of any).

So I feel like I'm out of options and I don't know where to go. For me, suicide is always an option, and it is something I'll consider if this mess just gets worse. And it probably will as I only have 2 more weeks before I'm going to be forced out.

I hope I'm at least making sense. Please help me. What should I do?

Sounds like there's lots of stress at your house. Your mother probably just wants less stress, and if you're not contributing to solving the problems that she has (as in contributing money, sharing with the chores, helping to keep things happy) then you're probably contributing to the stress. I'm not saying that she's all right and you're all wrong -- it's just that these are the facts.

and where do you live? Over $700 for a shared apartment seems like a lot of money. My daughter is paying around $500 for an apt. she shares with three other girls near Boston, and that's an expensive city.

If you don't want to go live with your Dad, which doesn't sound like an ideal situation, then you're going to have to make an alternative happen. It won't be fun, and it won't be perfect, but it will be yours and you will have made it happen.

Craigslist lists apartments for rent, and you can go check them out and see who your roommates would be. Also, at your community college there is probably a board that lists people looking for roommates.

They way I view it -- you can have the threat of your mom kicking you out over your head, or the unhappiness living with your father, or you can make the leap and leave your home and start being an adult. Honest, I'm not trying to be insulting -- it's just that you have no other options but to make finding your own apartment and possibly getting a part-time job (at your community college maybe?) a reality. None of these things are comfortable options, but at least with the last option YOU have the control.

a) are there Aspergers/autism support groups where you live.?
sometimes they have resources or information on resources. and may have some people who are needing a roommate.
b) are you religious?
sometimes churches have transitional services available, helping "young christian adults" transition into independent living. you might find a low rate rental room like that
c) classifieds. many places will have some paper or another with rentals and roommate wanted ads. the local library may have copies of the available papers. some places also have "trade" papers or fliers, where it is free to advertise but you pay a dollar or so for a copy.

It would be risky for both parties if someone here were to offer refuge. you are on a new account and unknown to everyone, thus the risk for long standing members. you would be at a similar risk. so asking for a home from strangers online is not the best option.

worst case scenario is the homeless shelters or salvation army until you can find roommates with affordable rent.

You know, it's troubling that there aren't shelters for distraught or homeless youth in every city. Living at home can be hell sometimes. I'm proof of that. Anyway, here in Seattle, there are programs and shelters for youths 18-25. Here are a few links.

http://www.youthcare.org/

http://www.rootsinfo.org/

any chance of sorting out a emergency place via the national autistic society here,and buying a one way flight to the UK?
am not sure what the rules are on people who havent lived here long but vulnerable people shoud be at the top of the list for government support,not some catchall foreign rule.
england in particular is the most progressive country in the world when in it comes to autism awareness,diagnosis and support of adult individuals with ASDs.

do you like kids?

A lot of ppl look for a live in Nanny and you'd have a place to live.

Alternatively I suggest if you must go to a homeless shelter you try the salvation army.

Though I wasn't thrown out, I left my parents' house when I was sixteen; I couldn't take the verbal abuse. I worked a fast food job to support myself and lived in an efficiency apartment until I finished high school. Then I joined the Navy. Today I'm doing very well.

If you have a car, you might want to think about the new oil fields in the Dakotas, not that far from you. I understand that the pay is very good since there is a shortage of workers. If nothing else, you can live in your car until things stabilize for you. I lived out of my truck three to four days a week while attending grad school. It's no fun, but to me it was better than putting up with my family.

Though my experiences might not work for you, maybe they will give you some hope that you too can make it on your own.

given the expressed suicidal tendency, this is probably not a wise option, considering that such jobs can be more stressful than dysfunctional homes.

First, thank you guys for replying so quickly.

RedRobin, I really wish we had programs like that where I live, but I haven't heard of any (I know I shouldn't share where I live, but I live close to a big city on the east coast).

FlanMaster, I am religious but I'm not comfortable in the church I go to; I feel like an outcast. I'm too old for the youth group (I just graduated high school) and the church doesn't have any groups for young adults. I'm looking for a new church to join. I have not heard of any Aspergers support groups in my area, I can look again.

Schleppenheimer, I have no money to contribute, I do all of my chores, and I can't do anything that will make my mom happy. My entire family is in therapy and all of the suggestions we make to my mom she never follows; she's completely not willing to change, which is making the rest of us miserable. I can look again for an apartment; I'm currently signed up for 14 credit hours of community college, so I might need to drop a class just to fit in a job, I don't know.

I'm not sure if I have the kind of money to fly to England. I'd love to travel the world! But, say I do go the UK. If I can't get a guarantee that I'll find someplace to live and work, I don't think I'd be able to survive. I currently live in the United States and my passport isn't even up to date. I doubt I'd be accepted into schools in England, and I'm not sure what the job situation is over there either, so that could be worse: stranded in a foreign country with nothing to do or no place to go. But thank you for the thought.

you could anonymously call department of human services (department of social services) and request phone numbers for autism support groups in your area. you can also ask the social worker (if you have an official diagnosis) if they have any support options that would allow you to attend school full time.

just some ideas to consider.

Support options for me to attend school full-time?

As of right now, I really can't overpower my parents (and the family members they've called in for backup), so I'm going to wind up with my dad. I'm trying to mentally prepare for it. I plan to spend most of the day out of the house since I've mastered the public transportation system in my area.

Populationone can you update your story? I've been out of the loop on WP for a little while so I'm just now seeing this and it interested/concerned me. I think a lot of young people are in your exact same position and it would be helpful to know how you're dealing with it now.

I had a couple of thoughts while reading your posts.
* Dysfunctional families are stressful to be around. Being on the autism spectrum is also stressful, because you're faced with a huge population that does and says things that don't make sense. Doubling down on stress like that is going to make anyone depressed and then it makes life WAY harder to deal with because of the depression. I hope you've been able to limit your exposure to your family for your own mental health.

*I agree with the previous poster who suggested you go see some Craigslist apartments. I got a garage apartment last year while I was in school and it was fantastic with wonderful landlords next door who left me alone and were very nice. I had to look at probably 10-15 rooms and apartments before I found that one, but it was so worth it.

*You might want to think about easing into the workforce by volunteering a few hours a week now. It's not a big deal if you have to cancel your volunteer time for a week or two while you're super busy at school. You should get some kind of experience before you go into a "real" job because work environments can sometimes be a little challenging for aspies because they often have different levels of comfort with work elements than neurotypicals do. It's nice to know things like "I can't deal with loud people" or "That flickering light is ruining my life" so you can find ways around those things before it's a major deal.

Hope things have been turning up for you.

Populationone, I wish I were familiar enough with the US educational system to be able to offer you some help. But I'm not, so all I can do is send you my very best wishes to get it all sorted out sooner rather than later -- and preferably to get you back on your feet to the extent that you'll never need your toxic family again.

Second what everyone's said about Craiglist though -- some amazing bargains to be had.

Also, speak to your college's student health service -- you have a disability and they may be able to -- may be obliged to -- help you out, whatever form that might take.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Sure, I can update. I haven't been on WrongPlanet for a little while now.

I'm currently living with my dad and "going" to the local community college. (And by "going", I mean that I kept getting sick and eventually gave up on my classes. My GPA is a solid 0.0) Due to my lack of effort in school, my dad will no longer pay for me to go to school - any school - which completely sucks, but what the heck, I deserve it. I do have money in a trust thingy, which can help me through a 2 year degree at a community college; any more and I'll need to beg for financial support.

Everyone I know wants me to get a degree in IT but that's the last thing I want to do. I used to do broadcast work at the local public access station and I love music, but those don't pay as well in the end, right? I'll probably go into IT just so I can get paid. I might hate the job every single day, but apparently financial security is better than job satisfaction.

I haven't been able to find a job. Still looking, but I'm having a hard time contacting any managers.

But I haven't been on WrongPlanet for a while. I'm really sorry. What I worried about was not being able to change a post long after it was submitted and that if I made an error, everyone would be able to judge me for the rest of my life just by it. I know, I think too much. Thanks for caring and leaving a response.

P.S. The sensitivity thing can be very problematic. Just went to go visit my dad's family for Thanksgiving. If someone ever came too close to me, I'd back away if it wasn't a hug or if it didn't come out of nowhere. I'm also trying to return a phone that, when turned on and placed in my jeans pocket, would make one of my leg muscles tighten uncontrollable.

P.P.S. When I wrote the first post in the thread, I was very angry and trying to find a way out. Now I'm being submissive.