Death in the family

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I just found out my nephew is dead. He died in a car accident last night. He was only 20 years old, but death comes to all of us and doesn´t discriminate. I know this. Still, I treat life on earth as though it will last forever. I have members in my family I barely know. I have things I want to experience that I just put up for another day. And of course, this is a wake up call to all of that.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I have a daughter that age, and I can't imagine the pain that you all are going through. I don't know what else to say, but I wanted to say something.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you, both of you. I just wished I was with my family right now, especially with my brother who lost his child. But I´m living in a different country. I feel very confused about what to do now. And I´ve been angry at my nephew. Driving fast on an icy road is suicide. He tried to kill himself a few years ago. Midsummers eve this year he got angry at family members criticising him and took off with the car, drunk and upset and drove very, very fast on a dangerous road. I had a horrible feeling in my gut that night, and now it´s come true. I feel like he was meant to die, that he lived to die. It´s just screwed up.

1. I feel sad because his dead.
2. I feel angry because he was reckless
3. I feel anxious thinking about what I´m going to do. We (me and my boyfriend)where supposed to move to Sweden in february or march. Now I don´t know if we should move now because I have to be with my family. I feel that going to his fneral and then returning to Spain just for a few months is not only very expensive but also emotionally very draining. But I hate moving and I just moved here a couple of months ago. Then I feel guilty because I´m thinking about that mundane, practical stuff when a person is dead. But I kind of feel like I don´t want to touch that for real because then I might not be able to do anything, let alone travel. So I´m trying to keep the grief at arm´s length but I´m not sure that that is possible. My best shot at it is probably processing it in writing. I tried speaking with my boyfriend but I suck at expressing emotions in spanish. And writing is easier than talking.