A reason to live

Post Reply New Topic

I lost everyone I ever cared for, family and friends, to rejection for my AS traits. I built a new life for me, without humans, with abandoned, stray cats. One followed me home a few days before my dad, my last connection, died. This cat saved me from very deep depression and gave me a reason to live, be motivated, be happy, feel I had a family again. I lived to make him happy, to compensate for his painful past and mitigate his fear of a 2nd abandonment. He was a uniquely beautiful, intelligent and sweet, loving cat. Everyone, not just me, commented on it. He was my angel, my everything. He died 10 days ago, suddenly, of cancer. He was young. We were together for less than 3 years.

I have more cats but he was more than a cat to me, he was my reason to live. Now our home doesn't feel like a family anymore. I had 3 cats, and the 2nd decided to go back to the streets now, after 1.5 years living with us. I'm left with only the 3rd, plus a kitten someone abandoned and that was brought to me. The house is silent and sad. No feeling of home. It had taken so much investment to build a "home" and "family" from scratch, and now I'm at square one again.

I don't know where to turn for support, because NTs don't understand me in the least.

Perhaps caring for abandoned cats is the reason you're here.
Like looking after that kitten.

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, Moondust. I have a little dog and she is all my family and means everything to me. Your 3rd cat, and the new kitten need you.

I take care of a cat, too, but I wonder sometimes if I should get a roommate. I have the space for it but I'm so paranoid about having company that I remain alone.

That's very sad. You are capable of loving an connecting with other living beings, that is a reason to live - even if those we love die.

Some people (even and especially NTs) live their lives surrounded by other people, but not everyone can form a close connection like you did with your cat.

I sorry you lost your closest companion.I went through that with a pet a little over a year ago.It was awful,when I would be driving home I would burst into tears knowing he wasn't there anymore.
If you love kitties maybe you could volunteer at a rescue.If I was wealthy I would start my own iguana rescue.

Does it get better after a year?

Yes,time helps.At times something will remind me off him and I'll feel blue.I realize that I did give him the best life I could, he was happy and loved, so many animals never receive that.I did eventually adopt another Iguana,she had already been at two different homes.

Over the years I owned two black siamese "outdoor/indoor" cats that were great companions. Both were killed by cars and I buried them in my yard. Now I have a cat who physically resembles my old feline buddies but is a total bastard, very vicious and cruel with no sense of play. He ignores toys and is a totally incompetent hunter. He even hates catnip. Sometimes I have dreams about my old cats...

edit/

don't give people the satisfaction of the doubt, that's what keeps me going that and the fear of botching it up how sad would that be ?

Thank good for Digntas . I should join up