I'm still really new here, so I'll start by saying that I hope this is the right place to post this. This may get slightly long in order for me to explain everything.
To start, I'm a student at a college in Atlanta, and I'm one of the leaders of a club we have here for LGBT students. Earlier tonight there was a social mixer/event for all of the LGBT college students in the Atlanta area, and since I'm a leader of our club I was in a position where I had to try to set an example by trying to socialize with new people. Obviously I was already EXTREMELY stressed because I was in a big room with music and a ton of new people and I needed to talk to them, and luckily I found a group of 3 new people that were extremely friendly and nice, so I mostly hung out with them, except for when everyone at the mixer started to play a game together. The thing is, my normal friend group at school consists of 4 people. I only really like two of them, and I hate one of them, but they're my only friends. Three of them went to this mixer, but they only like to talk with themselves and if anyone new attempts to join their conversation, they make a lot of inside jokes or make rude remarks to the person or don't try to include them at all. Since I was in a position where I needed to set an example by talking to other people, I did not hang out with this friend group at the mixer, and I met some very nice people as a result of that whereas I have not made any other friends other those 4 people in over a year. At the end, the group of people I met were driving back to our campus, and they asked if I wanted to ride with them, so I said yes because I did not want to be rude and refuse. A large group of people from the club was supposed to go back to campus via public transportation with another club leader, so I assumed my normal friend group would come back with them. Apparently they had left earlier because they were bored, and they messed up and didn't know how to take public transportation back by themselves, so they were lost for a while whereas I got back to campus rather quickly.
When they all got back, they came into my apartment (because one of the people in the group, the one that I hate, is my roommate). Two of them sat on the couch, but then my roommate started yelling at me out of nowhere, telling me I was a horrible person for not going back with them and horrible for not calling to check on them because they did not come back at the same time as I did (I assumed that they were taking public transportation, and it takes a while to get back using that). He then told me I acted like I didn't want to be friends with them and that I only want to be friends when it benefits me. He said I didn't care about them and only thought about myself. He said that I was sh***y for not talking to or sitting with them at the mixer (I didn't do that because I was expected to talk to other people!! That's the whole point of the event, not to sit and refuse to talk to new people!! !). He says I don't care about anyone but myself and that I've been mean to him. He told me I was rude and was making no effort to continue being friends with everyone. He kept talking to me like I was a little child that had done something wrong, and every time I tried to apologize or explain my reasoning for doing something, he refused to listen and just kept repeating his points and getting angrier at me. This all took me COMPLETELY by surprise. He has also recently been getting angry at me for small things that I don't understand, and he refuses to accept that HE DOES THINGS WRONG TOO. You cannot criticize him or anything he does without him insulting you and starting to dislike you. I will admit that I don't hang out with this friend group as much as I did last year, but it's because I've been incredibly busy with homework and stuff this semester, and I can't do work with people around at all, so I mostly hang out with them during dinner and on the weekends (he said I do this because I only want people to eat with and I don't actually want to hang out with them. I am completely content to eat dinner alone, but I choose to eat dinner with them because I enjoy hanging out with the rest of the people that aren't him. I thought that consistently meeting with them for dinner and over the weekends was a great way to indicate that I still want to be friends with them despite my schedule being so busy now, but apparently it was being taken in a very different way than I intended).
I messaged the two other friends who were involved afterwards, and they said they were a bit annoyed with me because I left without telling them, but other than that they weren't upset at all.
I'm just confused about whether or not I am in the wrong here. I don't understand why he thinks I don't care about my friends or want to be friends with them or only want to be friends with them when it's convenient for me. Admittedly, I avoid talking to this guy a lot because I REALLY cannot stand him since he is always so mean to me without reason, and he refuses to ever acknowledge when he does things wrong. He's extraordinarily selfish and self-centered. I often have the urge to get extremely violent towards him, but I don't because I know I would probably be expelled. He doesn't understand how my brain works at all. I haven't told any of my friends I have Aspergers, especially him, and I feel like if I did he'd view it as me trying to make excuses for what he sees as rude behavior, would think I was trying to "play the victim," and he would get more upset at me. I don't know how I'm going to live with him for another semester. I'm just sick and tired of not understanding social cues or other people, and in this case I don't even know if the problem is stemming from me or from him. I don't understand what I do that bothers him so much!
17 Nov 2013, 2:15 am
