Sad Lonely Tired

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Im having a hard time at the moment I have been talking to my brother who recently got glandular fever he is in his forties and it hit him pretty hard. the symptoms match sever depression and he has been talking to me about it because he knows I have troubles of my own and can relate. i really thought i was getting to know him for the first time in my life and appreciated him making the effort. then i overheard him talking with my uncle and a couple of his mates about how pathetic i am. and laughing because i recently had to leave a job because of bullying. which to them sounds ridiculous as i am over six feet tall and very solid makes my social vulnerabilities hilarious to them. i am tired of being the odd one out. im just feeling lonely and sad. does anyone just feel like chatting maybe if your feeling a bit down ?

I too have a shaky standing with the majority of my family, extended or not (I was an only kid). Some time ago it reached the point where I stopped caring about their gossip du jour and which parts of it I fit into. It's not as if it really ever lined up with my intellect. All but a few members of my family prattled on through my whole childhood about how far behind I was (probably turning me into an audiophile - I'm a headphone connoisseur now ), but paid the price for their alienating ways when their technology became increasingly dependent on my troubleshooting skills. My parents have redacted a LOT of their statements on the direction of my career, my study habits, work ethic et cetera. My net worth is in a college fund I'm not using yet. I think you should confront your brother - that in itself would both prove his gossip unfounded and move you towards a better semblance of equality. There's nothing to be fought over, save for control of your subconscious; I think a few tough questions directed his way would straighten your brother out. As aspies we must adopt at least a hint of stubbornness into our lives over the respect we give and receive. Clearly you've done more for your brother than he morally acknowledges. Showing concern for someone's health is more than reason enough to hold them accountable for their treatment of your good name.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

thanks but I think my brothers views are never going to change. it just was upsetting. I really thought he might have gained some insight as to how hard life can be but he wont change, that's ok though it just pissed me off. thanks for your words

It's not a matter of changing anyone's views, my concern was for your social circumstance only. What I said about accepting stubbornness into your identity meant accepting that stubbornness as it's defined in the NT canon of ethics - that's the reciprocity your brother was (whether he knew it or not) expecting, and also the root cause of his talking behind your back. I know it's a rocky starting point, but I think that's exactly where you must begin if you still wish to improve your report with him. Best of luck!

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

thanks man, you actually make a lot of sense. im not really used to people actually taking the time to listen and spend time genuinely thinking over a problem I have. im really new to understanding the different ways in which I perceive the world and social interactions. I am used to simple platitudes. I am deeply gratefull for your words. THANK YOU

Much obliged. I needed the food for thought myself.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

What he did was awful. First of all, I think gossiping is gross (but I know it's an integral part of socializing for many). Additionally, it's terrible that he listened to you, only to gather information to yak about with others! I think your brother needs to find something else to pick himself up because he's obviously using you for that. It's a shame he hasn't changed, but at least you gave him a chance.

I used to be really paranoid about people talking about me behind my back. My mother would do that all the time. But that's another story. Anyway, I've overheard acquaintances talking about me, which only made me more paranoid. I try to remember this quote: "What other people think about me is none of my business." And they're going to have their opinions and there's nothing I can do about it.

I live in a small own in new Zealand, which has an incredibly insular culture, in general the people here attribute anything outside the culturally accepted dogma as character flaws. when I was a boy I was punched in the face for trying to interact with other kids playing games and stuff, ostracised for have an above average IQ and ridiculed for my social ineptitudes. as an adult I have suffered a nervous breakdown, had my head cleaved with a machete over a misunderstanding which very nearly killed me, a group work colleagues mercilessly ridiculed me at my last job, I overheard them gloating that I was oblivious to their crude mean spirited jibes. I was not I just did not know how to rebuke them. I have so many trust issues that I havnt had a close friend in years. I feel that every time I reach out and try to talk to someone. I will either be physically assaulted or ridiculed. even by my own brother. I feel like I am suffocating. I am not a bad person am just different that is my crime. I feel like the village idiot even though I am probably more intelligent than the majority of people that live here

I wish I could say something helpful, but I can't think of anything. Poor you. The problem with assertiveness and standing up to bullies is that you sort of have to turn yourself into a bully to do it. I don't know any other way.

Also, one thing NTs do constantly is social jousting - I find that completely exhausting and pointless but they do it on auto pilot. So what your brother was saying about you wasn't really about you at all. It was said to make himself feel better and improve his social standing with other males in his peer circle who are in constant state of war over who gets to be the alpha male.

Perhaps you should count your blessings that you don't feel biologically compelled to live such an idiotic life?

Maybe try and learn self defense though, so you can avoid getting injured in the future?


All the best to you.

Thanks, I know how to defend myself I have had to learn that. believe me there are not many people that could take me in a fair fight. I stood my ground with a head wound that would have downed an elephant if I hadn't I would be dead. I really need to learn about all this social vying for position. it just bores me so much, when I see people bragging bullying or showing off all I see in my head is a group of monkeys shaking bananas. I have watched a bit of alexs show it has some good advice. thanks mate. life just sucks sometimes

its strange, until I joined this site I never really knew how many people share such a difficult life. genuinely goes out to you all