Still Fighting Depression

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I've been back and forth upon it. The good thing is that my last day of school is on Monday. I've already signed up for a long winter semester. I get into moments where I reflect on my life. While I am very fortunate in some areas, I feel out of place. And just stuck. I haven't been on any medicine yet. I've been somewhat fighting it myself. I try to stay positive. It works to only some degree.
Even though my dating life and situation is a disappointment within itself. I'll save that evaluation for another thread.
Right now I am on the verge of damaging my family I think.


Things had got tough for my parents due to a shady housing manager. So they moved out to stay over our place for a few days. I tried to make everyone as comfortable as ever. Even though I didn't want her husband to come with my mom, I was prepared for it. My mom kept complaining about how dirty our place was (to her preferences). We kept it neat. But she kept complaining. I was close to telling her--if she did not like how the place was, she could leave and stay at one of her friend's place. But I just ignored it.

And we only had cable in two rooms; my room, and my sister's room with her and her BF. We had an old big screen TV (my sister's BF's) in the living room. It had a terrible screen and all they could do was watch movies on it. Watching movies only lasted so long. And if wouldn't have been very long before my mom's husband to start bitching how bored he was and how he was tired of watching movies. So I took my 42" screen out there--with my cable box and hooked up cable for him; that could ease tension between him and my mom, who he stresses out weekly.

Mind you, it was the beginning of football season too. So I was cableless and reduced to watching movies on my laptop I have DL'd, or playing games on it.

To make it brief, her husband left us. Though--out of 15 years of them being together--he never helped us move to the new place. There was always an argument or some catastrophic event that prevented him. But this time it was in a different fashion. He left us for a guy (oh forgot to mention he's Bi) before move time. Even though he offered to come back to help us it was clearly because his fun was running out and he was "ready to be back with his family". We all rebelled him. But deep down I knew that my mom was gonna get back with him again. I definitely knew this when she said I was dumb for implying that; The best thing that has happened so far is that he is out of our lives.

Usually when they split up, it usually takes about 30 days for him to be back. But this took no effort. On moving day; me, my mom, my sister, and her BF moved two households basically. We moved my mom's stuff out from storage. And we also moved our own home. It was cold. Rainy. Terrible. It was on Halloween. The temperature dropped drastically at night. We were wet and moving her stuff. People were frustrated and arguing a bit against eachother. Crying.

Exactly the day after she let her husband come back. I expected it. But even though I expected it--I was still pissed how it happened. Ever since he got to come back, I never been over to my mom's house since. I don't even know how it's set up now. And he managed to say sorry to my sister and her BF. But not me. And what f*****g pisses me off the most is when my mom and sister implied that I bury it and just go over and visit--and say something to him first. f**k THAT!

I am not his f*****g wife! I'm tired of trying to please his ass! f**k him! Every time he did something f****d up I always had to be the one to reach out and extend my hand first. He's gonna have to reach out for me. I don't care any longer. And my sister always tries to riddle me with guilt saying things like; when its all said and done--she's your mom. You need to go visit her. She could die this day or that day.
But if that happens, yes I will be devastated, but I will not be guilty for my choice. I've been in the middle of seeing my sister being treated like s**t also with my mom as well. But they dont know what I go through as a man or how I feel at all. All they care about is not being alone. I said to hell with it. My mom is planning a trip for us to go to Memphis and have a good time. But I am deciding not to go.

The reason is because I don't want to be in his presence and don't want to create awkwardness because we don't talk. So I won't go. Once I told my sister that, she was pissed. Saying I am letting him win. I said it's not a competition. It's just me not wanting to deal with BS. I'm a north-south person; if I don't like you, I won't be fake with it, if I do like you, then I like you.

It is also my fault our family didn't have Thanksgiving together also. Because I wasn't willing to go over my mom's place, we all just had separate Thanksgivings. Even though my mom said that it's okay for how I feel, bottom line, it is still my fault on Thanksgiving.

I think our relationship has took a change. I somewhat lost respect for my mom and sister. The husband abandoned us. There has been many of times where I wanted to pack up and just go somewhere else but I didn't. I have been doing the right thing. Treating people right. Being selfless. And I just feel cheated somehow. But I guess not everyone can win.

Doesn't sound like you're on the verge of damaging your family. Your mom and step father sound like they can do that quite well without any help from you!

You know, family doesn't mean you have to take everything they dish out. There is nothing wrong with setting some boundaries. You don't have to sever ties but it is sensible to set limits for how much you get involved in your mom's ongoing relationship dramas. You mention you're still battling depression so look after yourself before letting your family drain you too much.