I need some help with an issue

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abhma13
Blue Jay
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Joined: 8 Jun 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 92
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08 Dec 2013, 1:39 am

This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me.

In the past few weeks, I have been feeling extremely insecure about going back home after I am done with the first semester in college. I mean I will admit that I have had a lot of mishaps between my parents and I, judging from the fact that they constantly belittle and judge me at every given point of time.
They booked my flight tickets to go back home in December, but I have been repeatedly telling them that I do not want to go back home, and I have been repeatedly telling my father about this fact.
Well, it turns out that me telling him repeatedly got into a bit of a brawl over Skype as we each berated one another for our own flaws. I mean my dad was constantly berating me that "I keep getting taken advantage of". I told him that "you are jealous of me my whole life". "You are just simply scared and insecure about yourself and you just be nasty and harass me all the time due to your own problems you face."
These problems were generated primarily because I told a story about how a friend of mine wanted me to taste some pizza in the middle of the cafeteria because he wanted it, and I did not give into his wishes and told him "Oh, I've had it before, it was good." My friend got what I said and I just walked away.
My dad continued to insist I was being "taken advantage of", my brother told him that "I was a martyr to niceness". I admit that my brother has told me not to be a martyr to niceness and I have been carefully avoiding the personality of being nice to people.
I will admit that since coming to college, I've joined a fraternity (I'd prefer to keep it anonymous), made some friends, have been a generally quiet person, though still openly nice and not harming anyone, but there have been a few times I've acted weird and socially awkward, though I have not told a single person or a fraternity brother about my Aspergers.
Although I've been living as an ordinary person, my dad told me "People will judge you because you are normal and act different", "It is the first time you have interacted with a group of friends that matter to you" and "They don't instantly become your friends because you know them so stop trying to be someone you are not", and people are going to judge me because I purposely fell on my butt when someone hit a dodgeball at my chest. I admit that I had a dodgeball game with friends and when someone hit my chest, I purposely fell on my butt for a laugh.
My dad then told me "I'm sorry for what I may have done wrong to you in the past and please come home."

So I need help with a few things: Was it absolutely alright to fall on my butt just to make people laugh, and could someone please tell me what the hell is going on with my dad.



nomadder
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Gender: Female
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08 Dec 2013, 6:10 pm

I'm not totally sure I follow it all. I hear you are at college, it's your first time away from home/your parents. Your Dad sounds worried, a little over protective and wanting to give you advice and shield you from people taking advantage of you. An admirable goal for a parent, however you're college aged, and you sound like you're doing ok at college.

It takes time for parents to realize their kids have grown up :) Be gentle with him while reminding him how old you are, how you've just got through your first semester in college quite successfully and you will make mistakes. He probably made mistakes too at your age. Even people without Aspergers get taken advantage of sometimes too! We learn from experience.

Maybe he doesn't realize all this 'advice' and 'concern' sounds so negative from your perspective?

Doing silly things to make people laugh is not a big deal - so long as you don't make it a habit, so long as your friendships don't require you to be the class clown. Everyone does things to fit in at school and college - I bet your Dad did too. He has a good point about being yourself but at your age it's also so important to fit in - try to find a balance. Reassure your Dad you're coping with this.

Why did you Dad book the flight tickets when you said you didn't want to go back home? What are you going to do instead if you don't go back home? I think if you have no plans, I can understand your Dad booking them anyway.

I can understand you feel hesitant about going back home, but insecure? Sounds like communication problems - do you have someone who can act as a go-between between you and your dad? To help explain your side of things better?


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I think I'm a not so typical NT
Your score: 106/200 (Aspie), 110/200 (NT)
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ 23/50, EQSQ-R EQ 34 SQ 93 (Extreme Systemizer)