Morbidly depressed

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Im in one of my hyper sensitive depressed moods. I have this tension in my stomach and just the sound of my housemate leaving his room is enough to set my nerves on edge.

The problem is that I felt that AS provided me with a sense of meaning in life. I keep switching between being convinced im on the spectrum and being convinced that im not on the spectrum. I dont mentally deconstruct everything I see - plumbing and machinery dont fascinate me (though I love futurism and futuristic science). Moreover though I havent dealt well with any of my life changes in the past decade I wouldnt say that things changing causes me significant angst - I can tolerate the furniture being moved.

The main source of doubt is the fact that I can read facial expressions. I dont have to go through an algorithm to tell that = happy. It just looks happy just as this looks sad. Apparently as an AS sufferer I shouldnt be able to do that. I should have to process each detail seperately and then draw a conclusion.

I have all the other symptoms however and discover new ones every day. Just I dont have those core ones.

You're torturing yourself. Just because you learned how to read faces as a coping mechanism does not mean you are not autistic. You simply have a highly developed "Aspergian mask." Claim the diagnosis, and move on with life.

Which means ... try to be a success! Learn some social skills. Learn scripts to say. I've done it. It really works. Of course I need 3 hours to decompress each day. No matter! Don't hide from life.

Have you received an official diagnose from a mental health professional experienced with autism?

Im in the process of pursuing one and its taking a while. In the mean time I am indeed torturing myself. If it werent this it would be something else however. I obsess over topics and they consume my life. Im diagnosed with OCD so no surprise there.

It seems utterly preposterous to me that it even matters whether I have AS or not. I mean its largely irrelevant unless I need specific counsel that it provides. Its just I suppose I finally felt "Wow there are people who think and feel somewhat as I do - im not alone".Then a few hours later "But I scored 34/39 on the mind eyes test and 100% on the faces test - that would suggest im NT. Add that to the lack of routines and you have a weird NT." I never really minded being a man without a country before,its experiencing that sense of community and having it snatched away multiple times that hurts.

At least I managed to get out to the shops. Id spent all day psyching myself up to go down to the local shopping centre without any success.

Well, here's one you certainly have: You are taking things entirely TOO LITERALLY. It's just like the writers on Big Bang Theory reading 'trains' as an example of special interest obsessions in the DSM and giving Sheldon a train obsession because they took it to mean ALL Aspies are obsessed with trains and that's not what it meant at all.

I am not "fascinated by plumbing and machinery" either, and when I first read the diagnostic criteria for AS, I thought it was a personal profile of me. The more general reference there is that the autistic brain tends to have a fascination with "parts and details" in which we search for patterns and purpose. It doesn't mean we're all consumed with dismantling our cars just to see how they're put together, but it probably is related to the tendency autistic children have to "line up" their toys, rather than assign them personalities and engage them in make-believe social interactions.



AS doesn't make people stupid. I feel fairly certain we all know the difference between a smile and a weepy face (unless we're looking away to avoid eye contact and miss the face entirely).

Not recognizing nonverbal cues means we may not notice many of the sidelong glances that pass between NTs in social situations. As I've pointed out to several younger Aspergians who think they've cured themselves of AS by developing sophisticated coping mechanisms, we are not qualified to judge our own social skills, because just when we think we're one of the gang, we may well be failing to notice that others in the room are smirking and winking at each other behind our backs.

It's the subtle things we aren't so adroit at reading. If you walk into a room and see someone you know standing and silently staring out the window, can you tell just by their face whether they are more likely to be:

A) Fondly remembering a former lover
B) Watching the aftermath of a fender-bender
C) Contemplating suicide

If your answer is "I'm pretty sure I'd know the difference in tone, if not the specific details" then you may be Neurotypical.

If your first thought is "No, not unless they said something to indicate what they were thinking," you may be Autistic.

I do the same thing, I latch onto topics and obsess over them. I cannot stand uncertainty. I don't know if it has to do with AS or GAD. Once you get the diagnosis from a trained professional, you will have at least some closure on this particular issue.

Interesting example - i;d have no idea to be honest. If they were smiling and I had this checklist in front of me obviously i'd pick A, but peoples' reactions are way to variable and complex to be able to guess something like that with much accuracy. I think that the clinching point there is whether you sense automatically what theyre thinking or whether you have to work it out.

Furthermore I resent your implication that I was suggesting that AS makes people stupid. Now you're taking me literally.





Im not convinced i'll be diagnosed however. Routines and change are the 2 things where I dont have real issues. Well routines. I prefer things to be the same and my life tends to fall apart when im subjected to major changes. I have no routine however.... well I dont believe you can call sitting in front of the computer all day a routine. When I did* have a school routine I hated it anyway and loved* my days off.