Being actively shut out and ignored again

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Last year in college was great- we had this tight-knit group of students and did many things together. Now, most of the group is still intact but things have changed drastically.

Basically it's now a cluster of 3-5 girls and 1 girl and I are being shut out. We are ignored in conversations. Recently I said like 5 times why something isn't possible and what do they all of a sudden conclude? It's not possible! …. I just said that….

I ask them stuff, try to get myself involved in the conversation. I get ignored. This other girl as well.

When we are attending lecture I sit besides them, to be ignored and shut out again. No, this is not an autistic misinterpretation. We're unwelcome and unwanted. Even worse, I recently sat at a table and they actually decided to go sit somewhere else.

Now they act as if they're totally unaware and of good will (on whatsapp) and never intended to ignore or anything…

I haven't actually expressed these concerns, someone just sparked up the issue of the old feeling being gone. It came to this basically and seeing what this other girl tells me privately on whatsapp it's making me feel pissed, hopeless and shut out. This other girl recently got a load of crap tossed over her, last week they suddenly started blaming her for everything.

We're ignored, feel unwelcome, like the third wheel on the wagon. They don't involve us and don't let us join in the conversation. I almost have to shout/repeat to get heard. And then they expect us to join them, be social etc when we're just being ignored and made feel unwelcome? Why the hell would we- I'd rather read a book.

It seems like no big deal but I just need to vent. They're my classmates, I basically need them, they're my group. Gradually we're being shut out more and we're getting all this double-faced crap.

I had this in primary school as well and I HATE this behaviour.

Actively ignoring and making me feel unliked, making sure I couldn't stand in their ''circle'' on the playground, (closing it so that I couldn't join) and then, if the teacher noticed that I didn't really fit in, they just said it was because I wouldn't socialise. This group lied and lied again that they wanted to involve me and so on… all lies. This is exactly the same behaviour I'm experiencing right now if not slightly, just slightly more subtle.

These people are like 20+ years….

The may be 20+ years but they sound like a bunch of children to me. Now you haven't provided enough information, do they act immaturely to you and you're friend? Has one of them ever straight up just said "leave!" to either you or your friend? The getting up and leaving as soon as you guys sit down is a very low blow in my opinion.

Your situation has never happened to me before I've never met people who I have become friends with who have later shunned me. I've generally hung out with some straight laced people. If I was you though, I believe you should get your friend together and you should give your group and ultimatum: "either you treat us with the respect we deserve, or we leave and never talk to any of you ever again!" That message will either be powerful enough for them to understand, after that if they apologize (fat chance) then they should be willing to include in your group again, and if they shun you (what will most likely happen) then you have your answer as to who the type of people they are.

It's hard to find decent people in the world, especially in college, but those few people you find decent enough to call a "friend" you should try to hold onto for as long as you can.

Also how good of friends were you and this other girl before this started happening?

^ This.

Damnit! Was just about to write what you've wrote there.

I notice you mentioned that they are blaming her for everything when she is around, but they haven't done that to you. They seem to indicate good will to you for whatever reason. Still, whatever reason is they still won't hang out. I am sensing the girl is the key to the issue, but because you might be siding with her, they won't communicate with you either.

Franki has written a few good points. Take what you can from that and apply it wisely.

Oh this other girl invited me for New Year's Eve… to be there with her girlfriend (she's lesbian). Wow, this almost makes me cry, not sure why.

Not sure about friend, because everybody has his own definition. I'd describe it as ''very good acquaintances/great study mates'' at least, last year. We also did things outside college like going out for a drink or eating together and stuff like that. I hope that clarifies.

Nope, they're too lame and cowardly for that. Also because right now they're acting as if they're all good-willed and worried that they might've made us feel singled out etc. It's fake, looking at their behaviour this very week and something I can't explain well but what I 'feel'. They respond differently to us etc than to each other- if we get a response, that is. This girl and I aren't exactly friends but get along well and are in the same boat.

I was thinking about doing something like that as well. Tomorrow I see them again and if they talk about this I figured I should just straight up tell them what I think about this situation and their bullish*t. And the ultimatum- good idea. Must be quite a happening as they're typical girl NT's (I suppose) in this regard: All talking behind people's backs, never telling straight in someone's face how they feel or what they think. Which makes a lot of sense as gossiping is actually ''fun''. And it's not like there's any FACTUAL problem.

Agreed, definitely. It's weird however, I just thought/assumed before that by around 20 years of age people'd be mature enough to not do things anymore that I quit doing when I was…. 11? Max? (very bad atmosphere there, and I played along unknowingly until I realised how stupid it was) It's so lame.

We just got along pretty well, stayed the night there a couple of times, been to her house once and played board games.

Thanks for your reply!

Being ignored, left out, shut out, unwelcome, unwanted.....These aren't good things....I don't think it's immaturity rather cruelty.
People are very cruel....

Kick them to the curb, remain friends with the other young woman who is being excluded if you like. Life is too short for this stupid, immature crap.

I too thought childish behavior would end after we all graduated from primary school...we were wrong! High school never ends for some people.

They are, and I don't understand… I'm not a saint and I'm supposed to have low empathy (because I have AS) but I don't treat people like that. I often even feel like I'm TOO empathetic, not too little

It's just hard to grasp and even makes me slightly misanthropic at times. Can't they think? Do they have no insight in their behaviour at all? Many things people do are childish and ridiculous (no, I don't think of myself very highly) but I hadn't expected this primary school crap again! Not from people I got along with so well last year.

The group culture changed, and they let their views be defined by them. Kind of strange, how someone's personality can change like that. From sincere and being able to be in a group and having a great time without gossip or other stuff like that to gossiping, disliking anyone slightly different. Just culture, and it defines people. I learned from this I suppose

Accidentally missed your post. No, I think it's sheer coincidence they picked on her. They had ''something'' (which is absolutely tiny) and started to verbally attack her for it. I don't fit in either anymore… last year the accepted me the way I am, but now I'd have to be an actress to be accepted. I can do it, but it makes me so unhappy it's not worth it.

And I agree, no social or mind games, pure honesty. Not interested in all those tricks and forms of bullish*t

edit: And it makes me angry/sad that this other girl is treated in this manner, she's a good, kind person.

I've had this happen a few times.It has either been jealousy(like if I was friends with their friend)or because I was a nervous wreck,so I was an easy target.I had a nervous breakdown because of this kind of crap.I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't put up with it any more and I don't.I now confront them or go elsewhere.It's not you that is unacceptable if you haven't done anything and if they have taken offence over something then they should say what it is.I think you and this other girl should not accept them and hang around by yourselves or find other friends.They want you to want to hang around with them so they can feel wanted and elite and then they have the power of rejecting you.Take this power away from them by rejecting them.When I was at school and at times that I wasn't accepted,adults would say it was my fault for not mixng with them, but how can I mix with people who are bullying me?The more I tried to get on with them the more they hated me and treated me with contempt.I hope things improve for you.