Friday night, and I'm depressed.

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Well, here I am, typing away at this post. I'm sitting in my room while my parents have company over.

I've got nobody to hang with, no friends to keep me company.

I feel so alone that I've lost motivation to do many things, including things at work. I feel a greater need to socialize than do work, because my job impairs my social life already (I handle donations at a thrift store, but the company doesn't let us talk and stand around and do nothing for a single minute; it's always busy work) and the friends I have are back in my college town of Canandaigua. Most of the people that i considered "friends" in rochester left their own way and shut me out of the picture. They're very shady and those (let me rephrase that, women) that I've tried to reconnect with are very indecisive about the world and everything around them (something I despise and do not tolerate), which in turn I just let go of, because it's not worth the stress. I've been down this road one too many times and I'm not going down it again.

I'm tired of being stuck, but I'm so chickenshit to do anything that it's killing me inside slowly. I've been anticipating a breakdown for a while now.

No matter what, Rochester is a wasteland that has been dry for decades. Just when the right woman comes around, she's already been taken by someone else.

My thoughts are so jumbled because I've been so down...I just don't want to feel socially stuck anymore. Sometimes I wish I never had asperger's and that I actually had a spine and not a stick up my rear end.

Hey, buddy. I understand. It's ok. Now let's see what we can cull together which is positive.

First of all you are only 20. As a 44 year old I can tell you that you are a baby. You don't require any resume yet. You're just starting out.

Second, here's a secret: No one at age 20 has any real friends. Stupid drinking buddies, maybe, but no one of substance. So you're even with everyone else. True friends will only come later, when you are moving in the direction God wants for you.

Third, you are working at this store. Good for you that you have a job. Now, let's think about the future. What do you love to do?

It's Friday night and I'm alone, too. I'll just break out my Smurfs collection and look at a few episodes. I'll probably also quaff a beer or two.

Sitting at home and doing nothing makes me upset and aggravated. I really want to do things with others, but it's hard to do anything when people give you the "idk" or "hmm" or something that isn't a clear-cut "yes/no/well let me check and i'll get back to you" response.

This is why I decided that it was time to stop sitting at home playing games after work and go out and look for something more out of life. It wasn't easy for me being shy and used to just letting things happen but I made new friends and found new hobbies.

How did you start to change things around? What exactly did you start doing to turn things around?

I pretty much just took a drive to a nearby city and started talking to people at a church a friend recommended. Trust me, it wasn't easy but I started getting the hang of things.