Why I don't like visiting family

Post Reply New Topic

I feel like when I go and see family memebers I have to pretend to be happy. I feel like if I let them know that I'm lonely and unhappy then they will blame me.

This possibly stems from having my mother shout at me when I was 17 because I had no friends. And again she shouted at my sister because she didn't get invited to some party a few years back. My mum is crazy.

But I don't have enough energy to pretend anymore so I just avoid them instead.

just keep it real, you will be o.k. if you know how. I know it's difficult, but for some odd reason, even though it is mentally abusive, family is important. I'm sure some of your family members are o.k..... maybe... I have been working on abusive family members one at a time for a very long time. some of it is futile, and some of it is not. my mom giving me the most brain malfunction of all af them. she has changed soo much in the last few years because of the way I have become, and what I have learned, that it seems abnormal. she is soo nice to me now, that I think she is dying or something. my sister in law gave me some toxic behavior over thanksgiving. she has been abusing my brain for 20 years or so. gaming me, and greasing up other family members with her psychobabble, against my grain of course. I told her what I think about her, and how I feel in a text message, on my brothers phone. deliberately. of course being a predictable narcisstic control freak, she took the phone from my brother, and had an arguement with me. she was defensive, unapologetic, lashed out at me, and lied. all on a text. on my brothers phone. it was great!! ! twisted therapy. saw my bro yesterday. attitudes changed. sister in law would not look at me, or talk to me. she distanced herself. the truth... I am not going to be a part of her mental abuse, so she can fill up her narcisstic supply. she and other family members know, it's not me after all, and her coping skills suck!! ! if you want to make the world a better place, so you can be you, instead of the fake psycological fix people give themselves, in order for them to loose the identity of self, and "cope", you're gonna have to work them. make them see into the looking glass. people like that do not know how to fix themselves. they tried that, and screwed it all up soo good, they believe it is a fix. have a merry christmas.

Same here. That's why I moved out because my mom would scold me every time I looked sad/depressed to her.
I think parents have a hard time accepting that their child is depressed, because they think

- it's a public shame to have a child which is has some kind of psychological problem
- it's their fault that their child is unhappy/has some kind of a psychological problem (which makes them a failure as a parent and as a person)

Yes I suppose you're right semota. They probably just want me to be happy. But I can't live up to that expectation.

I'm sick of the whole, "so haven't you met anyone yet?" question I get from extended family. They all say I'm lovely, why can't I meet somoene. I dunno. I guess depressed people aren't very attractive. I can't keep that pretend happy face on all the time. I'm so depressed at the moment. This really is the worst time of year.

You are trying to protect your mother from feeling anxious about you being lonely.

She should get over it and accept you for who you are.

Stop pretending.