About to turn twenty, and about to explode.

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My twentieth birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I must say that I am very disappointed in myself as a person. Disgusted, really. I still live with my utterly screwed up family, and my sole source of income is from Social Security Disability. For some reason, I'm not allowed to touch said money, and it's hidden somewhere at my grandmother's house. My parents have done such a horrible job at raising me that I can't tell if they are at fault or if I'm to blame for my problems. If there's one good thing about my life right now, it's going to my community college. Even then, I'm not truly happy. I'm still overweight, I'm still depressed, I still have anger management issues, and I still haven't gotten anything written (I'm an aspiring fiction writer). In general, I'm dead weight. Guys like me have nothing even remotely meaningful to give to society.

Hi I'm not autistic but, I'm the very proud mom of a 7 yr older daughter with Aspergers. She too has some issues with eating and, while she's not overweight now given my personal battle with obesity, she likely will if I don't find a way to get her to eat more healthy foods and amounts of food. I think eating well at least in my case and possibly my daughters case is a form of self medicating. I'm also struggling to use appropriate words so to not cause her to have an eating disorder or something. As a parent (and I'm certainly not making any excuses for your parents I'm not there and don't know the things you've been through and I don't assume that I could ever understand your life like you can) it's a balancing act and one that I'm not always good at. But, I love my daughter very much.

It's very good that you're in college though. However, don't put to much pressure on yourself about writing that book or anything yet. You're still very young and have a very long time to reach your goals. I 41 and a disabled widow and mother and I definitely understand a thing or two about birthdays making you feel disappointed in yourself or your lack of accomplishments. There were so many things I wanted to do and be and I've accomplished very little but, I had a very unique set of circumstances and a long list of bad decisions that put my life in this direction.

I wish I had some awesome words of inspiration to make you feel better but, obviously I don't nor do I have a magic wand because THAT would just be flipping awesome lol. But, pls don't give up on yourself just yet. Give your life some time to unfold. You may surprise yourself one day and everyone else for that matter. Keep going to school and joust drowned yourself in all the knowledge and possibilities. It does get harder as you get older to become successful but you're nowhere near close to that point yet.

I hope this has helped you in some even small way.

Just like ilovemyaspiefirl, I don't have a magic wand either. If I did I'd wave it so you can be happy, write that book you're after and improve your relationship with your people. Instead all I can offer you is the hope that as problems crop up from time to time we can learn from it. I do believe it makes us stronger, and since we do have each other on WP for support, I think that's better than nothing at all.

keep working on improving yourself. If you do well enough and complete college then in a few years you might find a job that would allow you to afford living on your own. Feeling down about your situation isn't uncommen. With the poor economy and moral decline of society, a lot of people in our generation, including the neurotypicals, feel like things aren't going well. And the only thing to do about a bad situation that actually changes it is to work to make it better.

set aside some time (like an hour per day) for writing. then sit in front of the computer for that time. write whatever comes to mind. save editing for later.

To the OP, don't feel so bad, you're only about to be 20. I'm in a similar situation but it's so much worse when you're 26. It's good that your in collage. I recently got rejected without explanation. Maybe I shouldn't have dropped out the last time. That collage application was my last chance to actually become a human being instead of a dead weight. I guess it's time to accept my inevitable life of mediocrity. I'm on social security as well. I only get $2,000 a month. Know that weight loss is possible if you work at it. My sole accomplishment over the last year was to lose 70 lb.

edit: Whoops. Looks like I resurrected a dead thread.