Dad's going to die soon.

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I jokingly tell myself that my dad's in a "race to the grave" with my grandma.
My dad's been having scares every few months, but lately his liver tests have been turning up bad.
I've only been able to survive because he drives me where I need to go.
I don't know, it could be months, it could be a couple more years, but it's going to be a major issue for me.
I think I may have to curl up into the fetal position and rock for a while...

Ten years I've been trying to get help to become independent, and I'm still at square one. I wonder what will happen to me when the only form of transportation I can tolerate goes away. They will probably dump me into a smelly place for stinky dumb people.
I will then become homicidal and spend the rest of my life in prison.

So far only one response to my "PLEASE HELP" sign, and it wasn't useful.

can you elaborate on the "bad" liver tests?

Have you tried talking with you father about it? I'm sure he wants what's best for you as well so maybe he's got some ideas or advice? I understand how you feel though; I have no idea how I would manage without my mum... There's a film called "Adam" about a guy kind of dealing with the loss of his dad, perhaps watching that would give you some ideas as well or at least encouragement?

i know too little about you to know whether any of what i say is pertinent. this is what to do if you are incapable of supporting yourself:

1. visit your local department of social and health services. ask for a case worker. explain your situation to the DSHS worker. they should be able to provide you with some information about available services and may help with the application process if necessary. you probably at least qualify for medicaid. when you're living on your own you will probably qualify for EBT (food stamps).
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/
4101 Meridian St. Bellingham, WA 98226. (360) 756-5750
2. once you are insured, make an appointment with a doctor at a community mental health care center. explain your situation to the doctor. provide the doctor with all previous psychiatric records and records of hospitalization. these places generally offer more comprehensive services than private doctors and will provide you with a case worker to assist you in obtaining whatever housing and supportive services are available to you.
http://www.whatcomcounseling.org/services#section2
http://www.seamar.org/location.php?xloc ... xserloc=35
3. apply for SSI. a case worker will probably do most of the work for you, but first you have to get one, which is where step 2 comes in. after your father dies, or if he is already collecting SSDI, you will qualify for SSDI based on his taxable earnings if it is determined that you are disabled and have been since before age 22.
http://www.ssa.gov/
4. apply for subsidized housing in your area. check out local housing authority websites. a case worker will do this with you, or for you if necessary. http://bellinghamhousing.org/HousingPro ... fault.aspx

Wow, wornlight, that is amazing advice and instructions. This is exactly the sort of stuff I need to know in order to function.
Thanks!
Except, I've already done most of that.

1) I have DSHS and Medicare and EBT, and I get SSDI/SSI for Crohn's Disease. I am living virtually alone, in one half of the house. I haven't had support from my family since my mom died, other than my dad sometimes driving me places just because his electric car gets free electricity. He's in major debt from the electric car purchase.
2) I'm not organized enough to keep all of my records, and most of the places I went to said they destroyed my records, and I don't even remember where I went. I will definitely check out those places you mentioned.
3) I don't remember any case workers, I find it difficult to remember people I don't spend a lot of time around. I don't know how to talk to a case worker anyways.
4) I went all over town with a vocational services lady trying to find housing in town, and every place was full and had up to 10 year long waiting lists, and rental history requirements. I can see that I will have to move to some other city, but I have no idea how to go about doing that.

@ VincentRabbit:
My dad is a lot like Homer Simpson. Ever since my mom died, I've been basically sitting around waiting for someone to respond to my pleas for help while he drives me to the ER before I die of complications so that he can say he was taking care of me. If only I could be so lucky as "Adam" was to have people who care around.
My dad got forced into retirement for the same reason I can't work yet, he lost some of his executive functioning skills. He's on the autism spectrum like me, and finds it easier to do things himself than to explain anything.

@ auntblabby:
I can't elaborate on the liver tests. The only other thing I know is that my dad said there were 3 "!" marks after the bad liver tests statement.

the reason I asked was that my liver was headed for the exit [taking me along for the ride] until I changed my diet. I figured what worked for me might be helpful to your father.

well it's great that you have that much covered. unfortunately finding public housing that doesn't have a several year wait list is probably not going to happen. going to a community mental health care center is your best bet for finding out what your options are for housing and transportation. i think they will be able to provide you with the assistance you need.


even if the wait lists are for 10 years, if they are accepting applications, sign up. the rent is adjusted to no more than 1/3 of your income in public housing. you may have to live in a place you can barely afford in the meanwhile. http://bellingham.craigslist.org/apa/

@ auntblabby: Yeah that is probably his problem too. He's an extremely picky eater, basically he only eats cheap low quality junk foods. He says that if his liver is going to fail, it's just his time to die.

@ wornlight:

Do you have any tips on how to get a person who can train me for life skills and executive functioning skills?
I know that if someone were to introduce a rigid structure and routine into my life, and make sure I don't experience too much stress, I would be able to be trained to take care of myself. I am very competent at knowing how good my skills are and when I am ready for the next thing.
I've been trying so many ways that other people have been telling me will work, then they tell me it's my fault when their ways fail.

My latest therapist recently confessed to me that he never wanted to do anything in life, and he doesn't know how to help me.
He also said that his secretaries do all the work for him. The idea is that most people heal themselves.
I'm not going to heal myself. I'm getting worse. My executive functioning skills are slowly disappearing along with my health.

I also know that once my needs are met, I will be able to make huge amounts of money almost immediately.
I've been tempted to get a bunch of credit cards and pay for tons of expensive life coaching and things that I can't afford, and hope that the gamble works out, but I haven't gone that far yet, and maybe I wouldn't be able to figure out how to do it anyways.

What do you think I should do? With my dad about to die, and my own health getting worse, I don't have a lot of time to wait around anymore.

Sweet Pea hugs

But you do have people around who care for you. Even if we're all communicating through computers worldwide this is a way of caring, just as snow is just another shape of water. (:

you could look into the division of vocational rehabilitation at DSHS. ask at DSHS and the community mental health center about an Assertive Community Treatment program.

http://www.dshs.wa.gov/dvr/Individuals/ ... lable.aspx
"Independent living services help you learn how to manage disability issues that get in the way of work. Independent living services may include:
Skills to live independently, such as following a schedule, managing a daily routine, and time management
Money management skills
Learning how to get around in the community using public transportation"


i think you will find the help you need from DSHS and the community mental health center.

Sorry to hear that you are going to lose your dad.

My dad died many years ago and I miss him every day.

@ CockneyRebel: Aww thanks hehehe

@ VincentRabbit: Yes I suppose you're right

@ wornlight: Yes, more wonderful ideas, thanks!
I actually went through DVR to get a community based assessment to go to college, and the lady who did that with me actually helped me learn to do a bunch of stuff and get my own bank account. The problem is that the process was cut short because DVR was short on cash, but they convinced me to try college anyways, and since I wasn't ready, taking just one math class destroyed my health and I had to quit. Of course they blamed it all on me.
There are no actual facilities available for independence training, as all housing in town is reserved for as much as 10 years into the future.
There aren't any resources available for a government run ACT program in my city, but that would be awesome.

Today I went down to the place I see a doctor, and I talked to someone about my situation again. I think this is the fifth time I've done so. I hope she was able to understand what I was trying to say. She seemed to understand, but I never can be sure. This time I tried to outline the history of my situation, why I'm not going to magically figure everything out like people keep telling me I will, and asked for an autism specialist and active assistance in coordinating appointments.