Failed driving test... my father is disappointed

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Yesterday I sat the test to get my learner's licence twice and failed both times, all because I needed to read through the whole manual and I hate reading through paragraphs of uninteresting information. My dad immediately began to give me a lecture on how irresponsible I am, how this is a step towards independence and so on, when I don't even feel ready to drive. My father was also angry when I started breaking down and bursting into tears... I don't understand why he's treating me like this.

I honestly couldn't tell you. I had a similar experience with my dad when I was taking my test.

Now the written test was the easy part for me but I failed my first driver's test. I did everything right, took the test in a stick shift, but I accidentally knicked the curb and that's an automatic fail.

When I informed him of my failure, he blew up and started going on about how he couldn't believe I failed, how he had trained me so well, blah blah blah. We started arguing back and forth as we walked out of the DMV, it got even more heated in the parking lot until we were standing beside the car shouting at each other at the top of our lungs.
Then finally I couldn't take it anymore and started bashing my knee into the side of the car door so hard there's still a big dent in it to this day (6 years later), my dad got angry that I started hitting the car so he grabbed and picked me up by the shirt/neck/shoulder and slammed me into the window/door of the car.

It was pretty bad. We got home and were both fuming for the rest of the day in silence at each other. My mom was really pissed at my dad for the way he treated me.
Needless to say, the next day I retook the test and passed.

I don't think I'll ever know why it was such a big deal to my dad that I pass the first time, and/or why he reacted the way he did. I honestly don't know, but you talking about your dad acting like that reminded me of mine and the way he acted.

Just try to shake it off and don't worry about it. He'll get over it. There's plenty of websites to study up for the test online. Even if you're not ready to drive, you could go ahead and take the steps to get your license then just don't drive much. Or try to postpone getting the license for a couple of years.

OMG MadeUnderground your dad sounds like a complete loon!

I didn't pass my test until I was 35. My dad had a chat with me when I was little and told me it may be best if I didn't learn to drive at all if I was anything like him. He had written off a car when serving military service and apparently it was pretty bad, he wouldn't say too much about it, although tbh he was probably drunk driving knowing him. He never drove a car again after that. So I grew up with this huge issue over my head and my mum didn't pass her test until she was in her 50s, so we are a very strange family. Aspies probably shouldn't drive unless they have no other choice, our minds like to wander too much.

OP - your dad wants to make sure you grow up to be independent and able to take care of yourself (this is what is meant by being responsible) and his frustration is basically fear dressed up as something else. Doesn't excuse him behaving like a mental though. OMG people need to chill.

Look, I know plenty of neurotypical adults who do not pass their driver's test on the first try. I do happen to know that driver's tests in Australia are more stringent that others (such as the USA) and you're 17 years old!

Geez.....I guess ignore his critique.

You tried your best and next time you'll pass it easily. It's really not an issue. I'm sorry you've been hurt, just know that you've not done anything wrong.

Next, all the best with your next test (& try to not worry). Soon enough you'll be driving and it will be worth the while.

There are plenty of NT's who fail the first time too.

I can understand if put a lot of work into helping you, he might be disappointed, but his reaction is def inappropriate.

One major reason why people often fail the behind-the-wheel test is because they mistakenly assume the driving instructor is their friend when in fact he/she isn't. This partly comes from the instructor often pretending to be overly-nice before the test begins.

Last edited by Venger on 24 Jan 2014, 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

- Venger has a point.
- I didn't pass my first round. Didn't help I was hung over.
- My Aspie daughter didn't pass either. Hit the curb with my 4Runner - its pretty easy to do.
- Wait until you make five years of car payments before you criticize a father for getting mad at his son for denting the car. Getting mad over not passing the test, that's another matter. In my case, I just let her go to her bed and cry it all out, while I ran interference between her and her mother trying to cheer her up. It was pretty obvious she understood what happened.

You're absolutely right. If I had a son who dented my car, I would pick him up and throw him into the window too.


I add - I don't think anyone was criticizing him for me denting the car, I know that I wasn't. His anger wasn't because the car was dented, my dad couldn't care less about that car, he gets mad when I punch/kick things or bash my head into the wall till it starts bleeding because he interprets it as a sign of disrespect to him.
I think it was easy to misinterpret what I wrote above into thinking that my dad lost it over the fact that the car was dented - no, he was mad that I started kicking something while was yelling/shouting at me.

He always does this, we argue, I can't take it anymore and just want it stop so I start hitting something (table, myself, etc - things you can't make 5 years worth of payments on) and his reaction it always the same. Explosive anger causing him to grab/pick me up/slam me against something or a slap/hit.

It took me five tries to pass my driving test. I just kept going back every week and doing it.

My first driving test was an abject failure. I sped, I nearly hit a pedestrian, and I nearly rear-ended some idiot in a minivan who slammed on his/her brakes.

But that's not even the worst part. Grandma let me drive on the way out...and I backed into one of the parked police cruisers, in front of three girls in my high school. I didn't do any damage (I was going very slowly) and the officers laughed it off, but nearly ten years down the road, I have yet to hear the end of it.

Your dad shouldn't be giving you a hard time over failing the written portion. People fail it all of the time; nothing you can really do but try it again later.

If at first you don't succeed...

I failed the written test twice, meltdown #1. Failed one road test over not adhering to a suggestion(, meltdown #2, otherwise I scored perfect on the score card. honestly I think looking back the second failure was due to the test centre wanting to make more money, I think they do this by failing random people if the day is going too good, there is likely a fail quota and for this reason I would not get too upset over a failure other then the loss of extra money. Also I think you need to be aware of weather the tester is getting a little scared or not, hard for people like aspies to do. All I did was slam the door and yell, I owned the vehicle we were in so I did not want to damage it, ownership goes a long way to encouraging self control. If you try enough times I imagine they will pass you and then always make it a point top renew your licence so you don't have to start over again.

Drivers ed is expensive, at least where I live. Maybe your Dad thinks you're just playing games?

If you where my kid, and really have no interest in driving, I wouldn't have you take drivers ed.

The uninteresting text will help keep you from getting a ticket or get killed.

You just sound not ready. I wouldn't make you take the classes, but I wouldn't chauffeur you around either.

There are many reasons why I'm 20 years old and I don't have a learner's permit, but one of the biggest ones for me is simply the fact that I've never been able to bring myself to read and memorize the entire goddamn learner's manual. I just can't do it, it's boring and dry as hell, there's all this legalese to wade through, and the whole tone of it is just too authoritarian for me to handle. I hate following rules, and I would like it much better if there was something quicker and more informal that I could read that would just tell me what I actually need to know, and not what the government wants me to think.

The other main reason for me is because for much of my life, I've had reoccurring nightmares about being trapped in out-of-control vehicles and vehicle accidents, and as such I'm scared s**tless by the idea of maneuvering a huge fast-moving chunk of metal around other huge fast-moving chunks of metal that all contain passengers.

I failed my Drivers Test twice within a month almost 10 years ago.
My social anxiety, nervousness and lack of co-ordination probably contributed towards failing my drivers tests. I will never sit my Driver's Test again.

Interesting, I feel much the same way however I usually feel more comfortable when I am driving, I have a lack of trust in others driving ever since I was in a car where the driver fell asleep on a highway and struck a transport truck. It feels better to be in total control of that fast moving chunk of metal, maybe it would help to look at it from this perspective.