Help...Me...Please...

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Got to the point where everything I do to cope is failing and I have just got to the point where I feel as if I am a failure. If anyone can spare time to listen, either reply or pm me as I don't want to write a long forum post and have no one reply on it as it would just make me feel worse.

SRT

What's the matter?

Ah, have some faith, there are replies already
Send a message if you want to talk about it, I'm used to feeling like a failure for many different reasons.

Hi. Sorry you are not feeling so great. I'd also be pleased to talk with, or just listen, to you if you need.

Waterfalls, this is what has happened in the last six months (very condensed version of events)

I have had lost three friends, two of them I liked (forum posts about that somewhere in the haven). One grandparent from each side of the family has been diagnosed with cancer. I have lost a lot of my confidence and self esteem and have now started to fail my A levels (my last maths one was a U with 15/75). What makes it worse is, according to my friends I am one of the strongest people they have ever met mentally but they have never seen what happens behind closed doors (quite a few nights crying myself to sleep) so don't understand how much I struggle to keep my masquerade up. This week I have given up on my masquerade three times and just, can't cope with anymore emotions going into my head.

If anyone has experienced stuff like this and have coping strategies I could try please let me know as most of. Ie are starting to fail me as I I grow up

SRT

And for people who have messaged me or offered to listen thank you.

I'm sorry, SRT. I find losses very hard, I imagine for you as well.

It's hard to concentrate overwhelmed, if that is part of the reason for the low score, pressuring yourself will make things worse if what you are describing is already feeling too pressured.

Trying to stay strong with others while falling apart inside, and whenever alone makes everything unreal and terrifying for me. And doing things well can start to feel like acting. It is, and it isn't, if people see you as strong. I don't know if this is right for you, for me, I need to stop pretending to be fine with at least one other human being, feel pain, show it, and feel their humanity and compassion back in order to some through.

Don't see yourself as weak. You are lucky to have friends, you say that you do, and for them, being able to support you, someone they see as strong, could be a gift. Offering it to them is the only way I can see for coping, but my brain works in a way that is very symmetric. You are experiencing pain from loss, you therefore need something that is strong enough in the other direction of gaining instead of losing, and that would have to be intense friendship. Such as increased caring contact and connection with them. I hope I am not offending, I do not know you to offer this advice, so please understand I am just trying to offer what I can, if it is valuable I am glad, and if not I know there are others who may be more on topic with what you need.

I also think that so much loss makes it hard, scary to trust yourself to others by caring and wanting to be cared for, as it risks losing again. But it is the only way through these losses and this pain, you cannot go around it.