Getting tired of... everything

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I've been depressed my whole life, so feeling sh***y is nothing new. Ordinarily, I just power on through it, ignoring the exhaustion and concentrating on getting things done which are productive one little step at a time.

I've also had PTSD since the back end of forever, and once again I expend a great deal of energy and force myself to get s**t done anyway.

Ditto with the AS symptoms.

At various points in my life, I've been on almost all the antidepressants (tricylid family, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Trazadone, Celexa, Effector, Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft, etc). They aren't very helpful for me--while I can't get sad, what I am is just numb.... all the time. It takes everything away--true happiness, true sadness, true anything. I just... exist as a body and everything emotional happens over there somewhere.

Now that I'm in my mid-thirties, I'm just.... tired..... all the time. I'm tired of making myself get up anyway and do things, I'm tired of juggling my schedule, my symptoms and my life, I'm tired of endlessly having to negotiate the crap NTs put us through (the "accidentally" lost paperwork, the forgetting to tell me my adviser is going on sabbatical and can't sign my graduation paperwork, the constant invasion of my personal space by others, the tremendous sense of exhaustion and hopelessness or pointlessness that I constantly feel, the constant neediness of some of the people in my life, the inconsistent and explosive nature of their emotions, etc.)

I don't want to get up in the morning and I can't sleep at night. I'm constantly having trouble concentrating. My work has gone to s**t and I just don't care. I'm not a drinker or much of a drug person. The only thing I seem to want to do is play video games. I don't even want to eat, but I make myself.

I currently have twelve homework assignments due a week and I'm taking classes in three departments which are fairly challenging. In my personal life, a buncha s**t keeps exploding.

I'd hide under the bed but there's not enough room, and someone would drag me out.

Anyone else out there feeling....awful?

Yes!! ! I don't know what it is lately, but I've been ill for weeks and constantly hover on the edge of suicidal thoughts. It's exhausting to the extreme and as you say, I am starting to fail at being able to push myself through. There is just no juice left. I am hoping it's just a phase. Sometimes I get perked up and then sink down into doldrums again. Bleh.

Hope you find a way to get down to the essentials and get through. Or have someone nice to look after you for a bit. We could all do with that sort of thing in our lives.

My experiance is quite different except I have Depression, PTSD and AS as well...and also feel awful and sick of things. But yeah I feel I have too much on my plate and just can't keep up with it, and am overwhelmed and burnt out...so I kinda get how you feel. I am also only 24 so I don't have as long of a past.

I have had diagnoses of clinical depression, PTSD and AS myself. I totally relate with your post, mouthyb. I used to feel that way all of the time.

For me, it took a 12-step program to give me the boost to climb my way out of that.

However, nobody here that I know of is a trained therapist or psychiatrist. I really do not want to say anything here that would be counterproductive.

I wish you the best, and I want you to know that there is hope. It does take a lot of effort to escape from a pit of depression that is that deep. In my case, all that hard work was worth the effort.

I do not know what else to say.

It's the same for me.

Yes
Pretty much word for word. You are an amazing person! You are incredibly talented and you are a survivor. Your not alone.
You are very special to me.
I am currently building a bed big enough to accommodate anyone who wishes to hide under it comfortably with mechanical fly swatters to swat away anyone who attempts to bother us aspie refugees.
((((Hugs))))

Mouthyb,
I hear you, & ditto.
Bad day here. If they knew how chaotic and overwhelming their society is to so many of us who try so hard, maybe they would change? I kind of doubt this though.
This society makes me sick, literally.

I only feel depressed when I go out.

I'm going in my bed now anyway. Goodnight.

I was that way when I was young. I smoked alot of weed back then. seemed to help. than I realized it was not me. it was the people!! ! i really realized it when I did a count. I would wake up and and start a count of every time some ahole made me feel bad. it was easy to get over 50 in a day. than I would start making mental notes. sociopathy, and "unhealthy" narcissism became really easy for me to see. brick by brick, I tore the walls down. trust me, you're a target. it became easy for me to say things like "I don't believe you". "why would you say that". "why did you do that". "you know what im talking about". "the only person you are fooling is yourself". "sounds to me more like im a target for abuse". "I dont like you". "your mean". "are you making fun of me". "I wish there was a law for what you just said or did". stuff like that. people think they have some kind of psychological fix for themselves, and you when they treat people like garbage. you end up loosing feelings. you get one step closer to the stuff you need to grow out of. like narcissism. if you end up missing these feelings, and getting numb, that is the goal. for them. that is why you feel that way. narcissism is at your doorstep. you pritty much explained it in your own little way. try not to be other peoples scapegoat. it can be your parents. your other family members, your friends, your co-workers. anyone. and you may not even understand. if your life was a bowl of roses, and everyone around you was nice, you would not feel that way. in fact you could probably be a pain in the butt and get away with it if that was the case. than again, I could be wrong. please forgive me for being me.

It seems to be common that things get more stressful as we approach middle age, the famous autistic middle-age burnout.

However, you seem to put yourself under a lot of stress, too. How can you possibly handle twelve homework assignments a week? It's one thing to power through depression and try and get stuff done nevertheless, but this is certainly not healthy.