I am so depressed. any advice? my obsessions are too weird..

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I am so depressed right now. I don't have any friends and i have a horrible obsession with Richard Trenton Chase ( a serial killer)
This is my blog http://richardtchase.tumblr.com/
if it gives you any information about me

I don't know what to do because I can't make friends because everyone thinks i'm psychotic or nuts for this and i can't help it. I'm not evil..
I just don't know what's wrong with me. Is there anything wrong with me?
Everyone thinks i'm a horrible person for this but i don't know if i am.. I am starting to think i am. any advice? please don't say anything mean about my blog or obsession because it's not my fault..

thinkin of a serial killer aint a healthy thing if this real you need to talk a professional people. you are the judge if you need help. but if you are thinking of commiting evil you need help

I just feel he wasn't a horrible person and he just needed someone to love and care for him unconditionally. I think he was just a troubled boy who didn't get enough mental help. I wish I could have held him and make it all better

Okay you know what, I don't know what to say in terms of helping with your obsession, but you should at least warn posters that there's a EXTREMELY gruesome picture posted repeatedly on the background of your blog.

I seriously started feeling very nauseas and I see blood, guts and all kinds of gross stuff all the time (real and fake).



Anyway, I can kind of relate to having a special interest or obsession with gruesome things, although mine isn't as specific as yours.

Ever since I was 12 I have been obsessed with anything and everything crime related, particularly serial killers. And not really focused so much on the serial killer but rather, the speculations and observations of psychologists as to why they did it and the deterioration of their mental stability.
I had also always been obsessed with Forensics.
So since I was 12, 98% of the books that I would read were True Crime, as well as 99% of all the TV I watched were only True Crime Documentary shows like Forensic Files, Dateline, Body of Evidence etc.
Now, in the past 5 years I'd say 40-50% of the books I read are True Crime, the rest of the percentages are divided between Psychology, Sociology, History, Philosophy and New Age books.
But 99.99% of all the shows I watch are still True Crime documentaries. I actually fall asleep to Investigation Discovery being on the TV in the background every night, (sometimes I'll flip the channel to OWN where they play reruns of Dateline or 20/20)

However, I must say I have never had an interest in one specific serial killer or murderer. I think of all the hundreds and thousands of crimes I have learned about over the past 10 years of my life... I think I had only felt somewhat sorry for maybe 5 of them total. I really have limited compassion for people who commit these kinds of crimes, but if I do some research on their childhood I may feel a little more compassion but, yeah it's pretty limited. Especially if they show or express zero remorse.

I would see a counselor immediately, OP. That picture that you repeated in the background of the blog is extremely disturbing, and if you feel like you may have a problem (since you made this thread in the first place), then you most likely have a problem. And even if it isn't a problem YET, it may become one... And you know what? It may never become one. But it never hurts to see a counselor anyway. Really. You can't go wrong with seeking professional help, imho.

I think you're connecting your own feeling of being an outsider with his.

When you say you don't think he's horrible and he just needed to be loved unconditionally and to be hugged, that's what you think of yourself and what you want.

He's not you though.

Most schizophrenics aren't violent and he was. He made a choice somewhere to go down the path he went down. I'm sorry but by definition he was a horrible person.

Thinking about him and his life is the first step to being like him in all honesty. The more you bury yourself in him the sicker you'll get.

You obviously think a certain way, you need to find ways that you can think the way you do but without doing it in a negative way. Find ways that you can indulge yourself that equal a positive benefit to the world and yourself instead of the unproductive way you're spending your time currently.

You're obviously not a bad person, you're thinking of hugging serial killers. Transfer that to helping in some other way and people will see that and your life could go somewhere.

The important thing to realise is just how different you are to this serial killer though. Romantic ideation would not protect you if you ever had the misfortune of meeting someone like that. Aspies are so far away from being like this guy. You are nothing like him. It's ridiculous that you find someone like this to look towards rather than some awkward aspie scientist type or someone else that is actually like you. The one thing that connects you is being an outsider and that is not enough reason to bury your life in darkness. Please stop.

I am so sorry for the triggering picture! I didn't realize it.
Thank you all for the advice. Much appreicated!
I just feel so lonely and sometimes I see that loneliness in others and I try to understand people who suffer in this way...

I don't know anything about your blog. I try not to expose my consciousness to violence, but I know prison can be a lonely and cruel reality for even the most cruel of persons, and that reality can change a persons perspective on a superficial basis. When people are caught after doing gruesome things and experience this reality they quickly learn how to manipulate sympathy from emotionally troubled people. I don't know if you have contact with this individual or not but I can guarantee that if you do, so do others just like you and if you allow him he will bleed you dry emotionally, you and a hundred others just like you. If I were you I would delete everything you have accumulated about this person and find something else to fill that void. I have been emotionally sucked dry before by a person who I watched leach undeserved attention from others just like me for over seven years and it completely destroyed my mind. And the whole time people told me it was because I was weak, a sucker, a chump. Everyone had sympathy for the taker but no sympathy for all the souls that were sucked dry. When this obsession wrecks you, no one is going to blame the person sucking you dry, especially if it is someone that you will never have physical contact with but only be obsessed with. I dunno, it may be different when the person doing the sucking is a female and the people getting bled dry are males. Maybe none of this will make sense to you, or anyone else, but I believe you are being victimized, even if it is at a subliminal level.

Hybristophilia?

...all I can say is, my interests lay at the boundary of what can be described with words. I can't talk about it with anyone, I just write and think. My ideas are somewhat fresh so they demand long detailed descriptions. All I can do is write and hope it will be of some relevance or importance to someone, sometime.