Why does this obsession always happen to me?
I'm mostly going on a rant right now because I came off of mid winter break and what is called a "burn-out" of anime. The free days I had, I spent on the computer watching Hunter x Hunter...I'd been reminiscing about a manga I used to read my little cousin reminded me of...I was on some forums about it and they brought up HxH
anyways through Monday thru Saturday last week, I'd say 60+% of the time I spent watching that. The days my dad took me to his office, there wasn't much work, and I mostly just watched there as well lol. The days I was at home? 9:30 to 5 pm just sat there and watched the damn show (I mean it's good but you see the problem).
I mean I took food/lifting weights/other things on the internet breaks, but most of the time was unproductive.
I finished all the episodes to date starting from like episode 3. What I did at home was download and speed up Windows Media Player to finish like 10 min/1 episode.
The escapism in fiction (especially visual stuff) is a good feeling and fills my void but sitting on the computer for 6 FVCKIN HOURS!! !! so mind-numbing, i swear to everything sacred, I feel hungover, I can't think straight, brain fog.
I've noticed the same drained feeling with video games but not as much of the excitement rather an enthrallment with the level design or whatever...it's the story parts, if there, that really make me feel joy in some (albeit imagined) life.
My mind is so constantly focused (usually in vain, that's just how AS is) in somehow matching up with others that it's devoid of any real excitement and I get so damn sick and tired, I find some dude's fantastical ramblings about some made-up characters in his comic strip (or computer program) ACTUALLY a life worth living instead... after SO MUCH screen time, I lose the feeling in my head for a couple days, which is a bad feeling the whole time...but I'm aimless, what am I to do otherwise, I'm just a sitting duck anyway
the bullsh!t I have been so fired up over throughout my childhood (anime/manga,video games, fantasy children's pop literature back in the day) is man-made and feebly short-sighted, and I'd never want to do anything "productive" in that field...I know people who want to become voice actors or creative writers, in which I case I dig passion but IMO not worthwhile and maybe not a fad but...I mean I want to matter, or, yes, become exceptional or outstanding in human - or biological, if I may say so- longevity and health/survival and success and whatnot.
I have some vague dream-like goals like...idk conquer space or cure cancer or prevent hunger or disease or meat eating- I believe humankind has the power to become much greater...we can stop other living, feeling beings from the barbaric, horrendous practice of consuming each other- it sounds like a bunch of BS, eh? The problem is all this stuff feels too far-fetched, on top of problems focusing(ADHD+Aspergers=dopey child) for me to actually do much of anything to fill this void(it's human duty, I believe, being sentient, ethical beings).
How am I supposed to do anything productive when all the real worthwhile stuff is so far-off and elusive?
Other question is why the hell have I been attracted to this foolish, self indulgent anime/manga/video games/junky hardcore punk music stuff?
Why are so many stereotypical people attracted to this degenerate mind-numbing crap?? What does it do for us? Not saying all of that stuff is the same but seriously...what the hell makes the audience so similar? All this memorabilia and facts?
It's not just AS people...and as I DO have AS, why couldn't I obsess over something cool like machines of some sort or wars or history?
Why do we like this stuff?
That's basically 2 questions total, thanks a lot guys.
_________________
"I watched a change in you, It's like you never had wings, now you feel so alive"
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