Hating my dad

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My Dad passed on Aspergers/NVLD to me and I secretly hate him for it. Is this normal does anyone else feel this way?!? I love and all that but When I'm depressed I really hate who I am And I hate my dad for passing it on to me

My Dad doesn't have any form of autism, but it does seem to have come from his side of the family, but no, I hold no resentment over it. It just is what it is. Should I be mad at somebody because I have blonde hair, instead of red?

Actually, in spite of all the trouble it has caused me, all things being equal, I'd rather have what I have, than have been born with no legs, or an exposed spine, or teeth growing out of my eyebrows. As bad as High Functioning Autism sucks - and it does - there are a thousand other things that are even worse. Just look at those poor Siamese twins that are born joined at the head. Damn, give me Asperger Syndrome any day over that.

My parents are fundamentalist Christians, so maybe I should be mad at God for making me defective. OTOH, I have a genuine compassion for other people who struggle with differences and because of that, I try to always treat people decently because I know from personal experience, you can't ever know what someone else may be dealing with inside their own head or heart, and I also know what it feels like to be left out, insulted, abused and bullied and I never want to be the perpetrator of that kind of hatefulness.

But I've known plenty of people so neurotypical they squeak, who seem to have been given every possible advantage in life, who have turned out to be utter douchebags. Now, I'm not saying I'm better than they are, but maybe being disabled all my life has given me a certain compassion that they don't have because they have never suffered themselves.

So before we jump on the self-pity train (and I spent many years there with a window seat), it's usually a good idea to back up and examine a situation from all sides. Sometimes there are positives we don't see at first, or even second glance. I'm certainly no Ghandi or Jesus or Buddha, but I can understand that without the bad, the good would be meaningless and unidentifiable and we could not appreciate it because we would have nothing to compare it to.

Can you explain what you mean by examine the situation from all sides

Did he pass on anything good to you? Hating yourself is very painful, and if there is any way to hate the way your dad treated you, instead of something about him that you share, it might help.

Interesting. I've felt the exact same way about my dad especially when I was depressed. He has a lot of autistic traits and I used to hate my diagnosis and the idea that I was autistic. I've come to accept it more in the last few years. Also, some of the things I hate the most about myself (both related to ASD and not) are attributes that I share with him (rigidity and stubbornness, irresponsibility and immaturity, selfishness, self-absorption, argumentativeness to an extreme ect).

My mom has it. I used to hate her. She still gets on my nerves. I don't hate her anymore. I like the similarities we share. I also know that I can overcome many of the social deficits that come with AS.

In our day to day struggles we often forget this. We could be living in the Syrian Civil War Zone
I strongly suspect my dad is an aspie

My dad is an aspie and I used to dislike him and be very embarrassed of him. His behavior in public would mortify me to no end, but I think the biggest reason it did was because I could often see those same behaviors and tendencies in myself. Now that I'm an adult and I am more self-aware, (and also more mildly on the spectrum while he is more moderately affected) I have a lot more patience and understanding with him. It also makes me upset when I see other people (strangers out in public, etc) treating him badly or giving him funny looks.

I read that as "Dating my dad" - WHOOPS!

Well, we don't really know the genetics involved in autism. Like, both your parents could be carriers - you don't know. Also, there's epigenetics, which is when your genes change due to environmental factors. We are always mutating and sometimes those mutations aren't favorable.

I guess some people feel resentment towards the fact that they inherited a disease or disorder from their parents, but do you really think your dad could have prevented it? He may not have even been aware that he had anything wrong with him.

Have you ever expressed this to your dad? Maybe he feels guilty for passing those genes as well?

I think this is kinda like a grieving process for you and you're oscillating between sadness and anger. I hope you can learn to accept it very soon, but I think in the meantime I think you should talk to someone you know personally about this. If you don't wanna tell your dad, maybe a teacher might help or someone else in your family. But ultimately, this is about how you relate to your father. Who knows? Maybe this is what will bring you two closer together.

Why? That's a very selfish reason to hate your father. I apologize if that comment is distasteful, but you can't honestly believe he knew his son would have disabilities? Nobody can predict disability at that moment - if they could, you'd think it wouldn't exist and we'd all be neurotypical.

Having said that, I don't even know for sure that autism is proven to be a guaranteed genetic link.

I wish you didn't hate your dad. If you learned how to like him, he could turn out to be your best friend in the world.

Life is short and I would hate for you to regret wasting time hating him when it is too late.

when I am depressed i hate everyone egually!
When i love I love UNIVERSALLY!

Are you bipolar because that both sucks and is an awesome, yet suckily awesome co-morbidity?

What I inherited from my father is how to be a drunk. I can excel at it sometimes. (Yeah, I know. Nothing to be proud of).