Being ignored

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I'm not sure which forum this post belongs in, but I think this looks like the best place.

I don't drive yet (still learning). Whenever I go somewhere my sister normally takes me. If we run into a family member in public they only talk to her. They will typically glance my way and tell me hi, but they go right back to talking to her about things leaving me standing there. Someone we don't know may come up and ask her for a donation or directions or something and not even look at me, as though I am invisible. Once I handed my check card to a cashier to pay for something and instead of handing my card back to me, she handing my card to my sister as though it belonged to her. I couldn't help but feel that she subconsciously thought "That one right there freaks me out. I bet the card really belongs to that normal looking one. I don't want to interact with that weird freak over there again."

I have not come here to ask for comfort (though it can get upsetting at times) but would like to know if this is normal for Aspies to experience. Is there a way I can make this stop? I don't feel like I'm doing anything that would scare someone away and I don't understand why people refuse to interact with me.

I don't usually get ignored unless it's a social situation. I tend to get abuse hurled at me, instead. I would rather be ignored. I can see how it is offensive. When I was younger it used to happen a lot to me. Then they treat you like a freak when you try and join in.

Actually, it still does happen to me.

I wouldn't worry so much about the people on the street, the relatives, or your sisters *aquaintences* unless you are used to normally having lots of conversations with them. They are going up to talk to HER. You might have a history of NORMALLY being non social, in which case, THEY may be ignoring you out of some prior percieved RESPECT of your wishes to not be all goobered upon.

As for the cashier.
Hip your sister out of the way. (EXCUSE ME.) Hand em your card. Smile. Look em in the eye, while still smiling, and say HI. HOW ARE YA? (transact) THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HAVE A NICE/GREAT DAY.

This is YOUR transaction. Your sister SHOULD NOT be standing forward of them.

And as with growing up, she is programmed to stand there. She stood there when you were a little thing. REPROGRAM HER QUIETLY. Your both basically adults now. It will be ok.

I'm naturally that loud, and that big of a character that people CANT ignore me, especially since i'm 6Ft 2 and built like a tank. But i do have the problem of people frequently not starting off conversations with me: i often have to start them off myself, though usually they manage to respond in a mostly positive light.

I mean, perhaps you need to look at how you hold yourself, seeing that a person's first impression of an individual counts alot for all their future interactions with that person. Perhaps (through no fault of your own), you give off the impression that you delegate everything to your sister, therefore people default to her? Also, do you have any physical traits that could make people feel uneasy, such as facial scarring, lots of tattoos/piercings? It could be a combination of both. Perhaps, people take one look at you, and dispite the person that you are see a person to avoid because they are either intimidated or again, you delegate to your sister.

Perhaps as a means of testing this, try and go off on your own every so often, see if people approach you. And if not? Approach them, start up a conversation and see how they react (but you do have to be careful not to be pessimistic about their responses, one thing i've found is that when i'm upset, i can skew people's reactions in favour of a negetive conclusion).

The problem may not lie with them, but in how you hold yourself. Of course, if you're certain you're holding yourself right, then it's obvious the lot of 'em are f***tards. If that's the case, be big, be slightly imposing, make it known that you're not just somebody that follows your Sis around, but somebody who hangs around with her. Oh, also, how old are you and your Sister? It just occured to me that if she's significently older (and looks it), they might assume the delegation thing anyway.

are you older or younger than your sister?

That really sucks, you seem to be well liked here though.



It's family members that bother me the most. People that neither of us have seen in several months will talk to her and ignore me. At family gatherings and everything. I just don't get it. Strangers know neither her nor I, yet they choose to speak to her over me every time. While I don't particularly care about the strangers themselves, it does make me wonder if it is even possible for me to meet new people if I'm that unapproachable. As for acquaintances, they know her and not me so I understand them wanting to talk to her and ask her about what she is up to and I really have no place in their conversation, so that is fine.



That is possible. I'm very shy.


I don't have any piercings, tattoos, or facial scars. I look pretty normal.


I'm 24 and she is 22.

Besides asking for advice on how to not be ignored I am also curious if maybe they can sense something "off" about me (Asperger's) and if other Aspie's have this issue aswell or if this is just a separate problem I have that has nothing to do with Asperger's.

I also get ignored similarly. It doesn't bother me though.

I agree that if you don't want to be ignored, you should make your presence known or more forceful. Look people in the eye, address them by name, etc.

This does happen to me a lot when I am out with my mom or dad. I don't care, though. It's nice to have a filter between me and the real world.

Happens to me whenever I'm with one of my friends. And don't let it be a dude. He'll focus all his attention on my friends and act like I don't exist.

All I can say is this... Just make sure you let your presence be known and strike up a conversation with the family members and whatnot. I think you probably don't know what to say or may be afraid you're butting in whenever your sister and whatever family are talking. They sense you're scared and leave you alone. (My biggest problem, also)

Well to give you an example from a few weeks ago. I was at University doing a lab with several people i had hardly talked to, and invariably, the conversation whilst we were working turned to one of the individual's cousins who also had aspergers syndrome. One thing let to another conversation wise and i admited i had it as well. What imediately struck me was that the woman i was talking to then mentioned how she knew there was something 'different' about me, and it reminded her of her cousin. So yes, i believe to an extent to a normal individual, even on the subconcious level there is something 'off' about us. We don't have the same mannerisms, the same movements. Therefore, for one expecting the same of us that they do from everyone else, it does come as a bit of a jarring feeling i believe.

But anyway, like i said. Try and be a bit more forceful. Not so forceful as to be rude, but make it clear that you do want to be sociable and you are actually there. And i agree with Werbert: being ignored whenever you're not being noticable can perhaps be a good thing, especially if you need time to think and whatnot.