This is making me very ill (online social skills problems)

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Hello Wrong Planet. Newbie here, in dire need of help.

I am a member of another internet forum. I do not break the forum rules, and I am a very nice person, but I do not understand the social subtleties and constructs of the forum. Despite doing nothing which would offend me or violate the rules, I annoy and disrupt the place, and am on the verge of a permanent ban. I am currently banned for a month. The forum is my favourite place on the internet. I have poured my heart and soul into it and it means a great deal to me, and will do me tremendous harm if I get permanently banned. The real problem is I can’t see what I do wrong. The forumites can’t tell me as they’ll get slapped for backseat moderation. The forum has a report function, and you’re instructed to use that. Then the mods and admins talk about me on their internal moderator forum, which I cannot see, and I carry on oblivious until everyone is mad with me. I nearly got banned for a full year, and the discussion on that is still ongoing.

This is making me very ill. I can do nothing else but think about this. I even dream about it. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot relax, I cannot stop the too-fast beating of my heart, I cannot put attention on anything else. I am not sleeping enough, some nights not at all. I only had two hours today and four hours yesterday. I’m only eating one small meal a day and nothing else, and I have to force it down and it’s all I can do not to sick it back up. And when this started, I was only just recovering from a cold and stomach bug combination which saw me lose quite a bit of weight. It’s hollowing me out. If I lose just 2lbs more, I’ll be clinically underweight according to my BMI, which is currently 18.6. And that was measured yesterday after my meal, and all I’ve had since is a few biscuits, so I might be underweight by now. I’ve never been this light fully grown, even through illness. I had the shakes yesterday until I managed to eat. I feel cold. And so tired. Being off my food is especially bad for me, because I have a very fast metabolism. I have a pretty voracious appetite normally. I think I’m in the “I won’t rest until I’ve done X” kind of state, if you know what I mean, and it’s unhealthy for me to be in it 24/7. Being cut off from that forum won’t help me, as I was in it between getting banned and the two or three days before I got a moderator responding to my PMs, if anything it just got more intense as time went on before he did. Right now, it’s not as intense as it was, and my heart isn't racing right now, but it’s still putting me off my food and sleep and I am very distracted. People often say "it's killing me" about things, but if this continues...

I am now afraid. Afraid of myself. I am not who I want to be. What I want to be isn’t who I am. And I don’t know who I am, I don’t know the person that the rest of that forum knows, I only know the person I want to be and try to be. Maybe I’m having an identity crisis.

I need to understand what I need to change and how to exist on the forum. But also I don’t want to reveal it here (the other forum) as I don’t want news of my condition to find it’s way into the other forum. I am not ashamed of my aspergers syndrome, but I despise labels, and that one is the ultimate label. Plus, I am of course unpopular there. (EDIT: never mind not wanting the state I'm in to be public knowledge over there!) I need someone I can trust. Ideally someone/s kind who can go through my post history in that place and explain to me what I’m doing wrong and how to get what I desire out of the place without annoying people. Such a thing would likely be a very time consuming undertaking, and I honestly don’t know if I’m simply asking too much. I don’t know much about this forum, this is an act of true desperation.

Also, are everyone or most people here on the autistic spectrum? I am particularly intrigued to know if the mods/admins are on the spectrum.

Not the way I would like to start my existence on a new forum, but I have no choice. I may stick around to participate as a member though, I think I would like that.

Also, if I don’t respond immediately to posts after this, I may have gone to try and get some more sleep, as I am exhausted.

Also, apologies if this is the wrong place for this, I see the social skills board right below this one, but this seems the better place to me for something like this, and I see another social skills related topic further down.

Any help gratefully appreciated.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. Try sticking around and taking part on these forums. There are no problems with your opening post (speaking as a moderator/admin). I'm sure if there are problems with subsequent posts the members or mods here will highlight any issues. Just read/observe the site rules and terms of service and you should avoid any problems here. And yes, the mods/admins here are on the spectrum as is the site owner Alex.

Yes, we're very accommodating here.

welcome to WP!

Hello.

Your avatar is what I need. A wise old mentor to show me the way.

Thanks for answering my mod-question.

I have read the forum rules here and will have no problem sticking to them, but as I said, I don't violate the forum rules in the other place. I'll probably be okay here. Some information on mod-intervention policy would be useful though.

Don't feel bad, it's just you. Happens to me all the time.

Greetings and welcome to the Wrong Planet.

OP might benefit from taking a break from his primary forum obsession, or restricting his access to it.

Would it be easier to ask someone you already know and respect on the other forum for their advice, rather than asking a stranger on a new forum? You don't need to disclose your mental state or the fact that you're Aspie, just keep the conversation off the other forum and use the private messaging feature, or Skype / whatever. This way neither participant can be punished.

If you don't get an answer to a polite but direct question within 24 hours, assume the person is too busy to post, then ask someone else.

OP is banned. OP is taking a break whether he likes it or not.

There isn't really anyone who fits the bill.

In other news I've been posting on here and it's calmed me a little.

You could probably view the forum by proxy or a TOR browser if it mattered to you that much, but given some of the unpleasant symptoms and feelings you described in your OP, you might be better not looking. At least for a while, any way.

I would encourage you to wait, maybe even for a couple of weeks before you would consider contacting a 'respected person' with a private message on the other forum. If they're genuinely worthy of your respect you might get a satisfactory response.