Screw everything! Maybe I am just plain dumb!

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Hello folks, been away for a while, but now I'm back, because I just had a really horrible epiphany; more and more, over the last few years, I've been getting repeatedly more and more angry with myself for making little mistakes that ANY normal human being would do, such as forgetting to press the 'confirm' button at a supermarket, and having to be reminded to press it by the cashier, like I'm some simpleton.

Key word: mistakes ANYBODY would make. Like I'm no longer a special, unique snowflake, and I'm just as stupid as the average NT. I HAVE to do things at an above average pace, otherwise I'd be just like everyone else, and I'd probably have to commit sewerpipe. I've gotten upset with myself for being stopped by my family when I start to tell a joke or a funny story because I'd already told it a few days ago and I forgot about that. I've even bashed the hell out of my own face once, because of something as simple as walking back and forth from one room of my apartment to another, trying to remember what it was I entered the room for and not succeeding.

But this afternoon was the most recent and greatest example. I'd just gotten out of a successful meeting with Housing so I could keep my apartment for another year, so I felt like celebrating by having Dad (who drove me) take me to McDonalds, because I had a craving for those Shamrock shakes that only come once a year. He agreed, and we pulled into the parking lot. As we parked, I noticed that the car to my right had a middle-aged lady in the driver's seat, looking like she was fumbling with something, but at the same time, I sensed that she might be ready to step out any moment. But to test the waters, I opened my door, and sure enough, she opened her door too. I was just about to push a few inches forward, then draw back so the lock could snap, but my dad was like 'stop, wait', because he thought that I was so blind with the thought of getting food, that I didn't see the lady exiting her car and would have barreled her over.

Well, I KNEW damn well that she was exiting, and I explained that to Dad as calmly as I could. Then he continued, saying that it wasn't so much concern of me 'knocking over little old ladies' (a running gag in my family that he refuses to let go of, the goddamn hypocrite), but that he didn't want any damage to be done to the car door, as a result of the doors bumping into each other. It was mom's car, you see: "Even though you did it, I would catch all the flack. Know what I mean?" He expressed to me, in no uncertain terms, that I have no more (efuda) common sense that an impatient, hungry child who only thinks of his stomach without any consequences for my actions. That really upset me! But even more than being pissed off at my Dad for calling me out for being impatient, I was more angry with myself for failing to have the much needed common sense I should've developed once I turned 12!!

But anyways, after him encouraging me to go into McDonalds anyway (and the bastard telling me to buy something for myself AND to eat what I buy, rather than just chucking it in the trash untouched), I purchased a small french fries for him, and for myself, just 2 little bags of apple slices; far from what I'd originally wanted: a full combo meal with a Shamrock shake, but for my stupidity, I don't think I deserved to treat myself. But I did indeed keep my end of his request. I DID buy something for myself, and I made sure I DID eat them, in his presence no less, both bags, while he drove me back to my apartment. (Yes sir, I am a spiteful S.O.B. to the core)

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm only 40, and already I'm having an existential crisis.

Fluttershy11

Welcome to perimenopause! It will get worse before it gets better!

Actually, there IS such a thing as the 'male menopause' (Andropause), and the 4 main symptoms of it is Anger/Social Withdrawal, Irritability, Hypersensitivity and Anxiety.

Oops-- I accidentally assumed you were female That will teach me to look at people's profiles before posting!
But you're right about the male menopause; I think my husband is going through it. I hope things do improve for you soon! I know how frustrating those symptoms are.

Overall, it sounds like executive function issues, which can be a huge pain. And/or what I face, where I can do something but it seems to take me six, seven, eight units of energy, whereas it takes the average person maybe two.

The situation with the door, also sounds like what I face. I'm playing chess, and the other person is playing checkers. And then I get criticized for not playing better at checkers!

And it sounds like your dad compounded the original situation. He didn't just yell. He felt he had to justify, and then went on for too long.

It's cool, ma'am. It's my fault I have a feminine sounding username.

You are not dumb, just somewhat absentminded. I can open any door, drawer, or cupboard, and by the time it is open I have forgotten what I wanted to put in/take out. When the light comes on in the refridgerator, the light in my brain goes out. lol I go from one room to another, and by the time I get there I am wondering why I made the trip. It's not something to beat yourself up over. Many people suffer from this. My father is in his late 80s, and has a worse case than mine, and is also hard of hearing. Phone calls with him are difficult. He has trouble hearing me, and can't remember that he has discussed the same things with me on prior calls, so we don't need to go over it again. I like reruns on TV, and rereading books that I like, but I hate repeat conversations with relatives. Now if only my memory would get bad enough so that I could forget we had discussed those topics already, maybe I would be more willing to answer the phone when he calls. lol I let the answer machine handle my calls and then decide whether to return the call or send an email. I usually send emails. They are less stressful.

As for your other bloopers, many other people, including myself have similar problems. In my case some of it is due to exhaustion caused by my health problems, and some of it is caused by my Executive Function Disorder. I am an extremely disorganized person, and being tired all the time makes it worse, because I don't have much energy for tackling chores and errands, so things don't get done.

Don't let your goof-ups get to you. Just try to tackle life in smaller bites--a little at a time. Snafus happen, but they are not the end of the world. Making a mountain out of every mole hill makes it worse, because it piles on extra stress that isn't called for. When a snafu happens, try taking several deep breaths to calm yourself, and remind yourself that it's just a little goof-up.

The trouble with these little mistakes is they happen more the more unsettled you are.

There's nothing wrong with you, I do things like:
a. Forget the first names of people I have personally known for months.
b. Inadvertently take other people's car spaces, and only realise I have done so when I get out of the car and I notice a funny look on the other person's face that looks like what might be termed 'anger'. (It's a public space, so it's not really 'theirs', so they shouldn't get upset).
c. Someone, thinking they are funny, tells a joke and I just look at them like they are stupid. I just do NOT understand most jokes for some reason.
d. Forget the most basic facts concerning subjects I think I know really well.

Really? I've been socially withdrawn, easily irritated, hypersensitive and anxious my entire life, so... ?

Meh, you do have a point there. These things do tend to accumulate when I'm frustrated. Maybe all I need to do is take a step back and breathe.