I just lost the little bit of trust left

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I am having a very difficult life situation as my mother is severely ill and I am very worried for my future and thus a bit depressed and hopeless. On top of that I was targeted and publicly humiliated by people who I don’t even know and they of course did in a way that I have no way to defend myself or ask why they did it. And because it was done publicly their mean words remain in the world even after my inner, silent battle against them is over.

And today as I happily went to look for my beloved bike as it was the first real spring day, somebody had stolen it from a locked warehouse in my apartment building. The neighbor said that he saw it at least couple days ago. It has to be someone who has keys to that warehouse, meaning that they live in the same apartment building. I don’t even know what to believe… My wall neighbors sometimes make fun of the noises (vocal stimming) I make, but it can’t be them… I can’t imagine someone being that mean just for the sake of being mean. All the other bikes were there though.

I feel so worthless and annihilated because of the bullying and now this. At these kind of moments you really wish there would be someone on your side, standing by and defending you. I know I am partly targeted, because I have none around.

Sorry for venting even though there was a lot talk in the general discussion about people who just talk about misery and how others can’t tolerate reading it constantly, but I have none to speak to. I just feel so sad because that bike meant a lot to me and I am just helpless and my whole situation is starting to be a bit too much.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Having a shoulder to cry on is a real luxury for most of us, even though we all probably need it. Bullying is terrible, and a very difficult thing to heal from. I know i still have nightmares about stuff that happened years ago. So besides your mum you have no one to chat to, to get a few things off your chest, or to ask for some help regarding your stolen bike? You should try your best to recover it since besides getting something which is yours back, you will feel a sense of power in the that your decisions have a bearing in what happens in your life. Often victims of bullying live with a feeling that they are powerless to influence anything.

Being isolated is a very difficult thing. I hope things get better for you soon.

I told about it to my mother, but I don’t want to worry her too much since she has her chemo tomorrow. She already called me back as she was worried, for I cried like a baby when I called.

I will report the theft to the police and also to the superintendent of the apartment building. There is a surveillance camera in the building, but I doubt it’s really working.

Thank you for your support. I already feel a bit better.

Yeah i understand since you don't wanna give your mum any more worries given her physical health.

No problem, go ahead and report the theft and hopefully you find your bike.

If you can find a therapist to speak to, that would help too. A lot of times people who should be there to listen to us, aren't, or sometimes cannot for whatever reason, so we have to resort to sharing our problems with others (and have to pay them). But if it's practical and affordable i think you should consider it. Being isolated can build up negative emotions, so try to find an outlet if you can.

Therapy is not for me. I know, for I tried it. That sort of frame of human encounter isn’t what I lack or need at all.

What we need in this world is not therapy or medication, we need true compassion. I actually hate it when people nowadays always offer therapy as a solution. You are ostracized –> go to therapy. You are lonely –> go to therapy. You are sad, because you are lonely and bullied –> go to therapy, get a diagnosis and start a medication.

I will not take compassion in a form that I have to pay for. Already the fact that someone took their time and answered without them getting any benefit of it makes me feel better. I gained some trust back.

On days like that you need to go outside with your head held high and taunt the world by saying, "Is that the best you got!

I understand. I suggested it since it's not a sign of being in need of getting your head fixed, but rather getting your thoughts out. we live in a world where we don't get compassion or understanding so we're stuck with therapists to hear us out. kinda sad, i know. but if you can find genuine people around you will listen, then it will help.

Do you have any evidence of ownership that you can hand over to your landlord or such? I'd think they'd be prepared to handle things like theft between renters, since there are bound to be problems between people eventually. If someone in the apartment building stole your bike, they might be seen with it if they ride it or try to store it themselves.

The anger about venting and negativity is, I believe, about other areas that aren't specifically designed for venting. People don't like wading through NTs Are All Horrible And We're Better #4543 it in Love and Dating or General Autism Discussion, or seeing a constant stream of violent news stories just because.

This will cheer you up..

You can view therapy in a different way, as a tool to manage the difficulties in your life and to sort out your thoughts. Don't see it as paying for compassion.

I have reasoned a bit like you when it comes to medication. That taking some antidepressants is just to cover up and easily ignore the real problems. So instead of fixing the problem, being friendless or whatever the problem is, one is told to take antidepressants. But then, taking antidepressants could make it easier to solve the problems one wishes to solve.

Don't worry about saying things that are negative. Say what you need to say and we'll listen to you. But you should have someone to speak to in your life, when life becomes to much. A relative or a friend or someone.

Maybe I am more like that Sherlock’s bird, but therapy really isn’t for me. I was proven that in practice. For medication I certainly have no need. My mind is fine. Sadness and anger are feelings people feel when they are treated as I’ve been treated.

Paying the little bit of money I have left to someone listening just for that money isn’t going to solve any of the problems I have. For the previous I paid enough and all the time and money spend there was pretty much wasted. I rather give my money to charity and my time to music, drawing, reading, studying, researching or to a random passer-by in need - to the things that make me feel better.

Thanks for all the replies. People in need don’t generally await or need brute force solutions and suggesting them don’t generally make them feel better. What people generally seem to need, is someone to hear you out, acknowledge you and see you - see the pain and still not to run away.

I once in this life happened by chance to end up in a situation, where someone was about to commit a suicide. Sh**, I was scared, because I didn’t have solutions in pocket and no words came out. Then I stated that: "I have no words now and no solutions, but I am here. I ended up here for this reason. That much I know."

The person started to hug me and cried in my arms like a baby. That was all that was needed. I often think that probably many of those who commit suicide still there while about to do it, hope that someone, anyone, would come.

Years later on this person found me and contacted me. She now has a family of her own. That moment still feels truer than many after and so little at the end was needed. A lot less than all the laborious effort we put to tormenting other people.

I have to tell you guys, the bike was found!

I got a call from the neighbor that she saw it in the yard of a nearby store. It was still locked, so the person who took it there had to drag it there. But the oddest thing is that the superintendent told to me two days ago, when I called about the theft, that once a bike was stolen from the apartment and was found by this same woman in the yard of the same store. So it actually might be that this woman or someone she knows is involved, for she recognized my bike a bit too well... Plus the same odd thing happened twice (though she didn’t know I knew about the first story). But I'll let the thing be. This woman seems to have a some sort of a slight mental disability and I would guess that her husband is to blame of the theft, but like said, I'll let it be.

I was feeling so down today and now I am very happy as I got my beloved bike back! Almost felt like crying when I saw it.

That's great news.