Can't cope with reality

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Look...... I have been trying to figure out the world, the truth.... for over 12 yrs now. What I have came to realise is that this world is f*****g barbaric, and seeing as I am actually a logical, rational person who chooses not to lie, that apparently limits me in this world.
I've been studying the mysterymethod, and while I somewhat think that if I manage to nell it down, I still won't be happy because i'll have to lie and BS for a woman, as I will surely get drug into these games. But that's not me though.
Apparently truth and honesty, progress and rationality have no place in this world. I feel like I'm living amoung farm animals most of the time (I don't care if this sounds arrogant, it's the truth). But, still I have compassion, not just for myself but for others as well..... And I sometimes feel as if I can feel THEIR pain.......
Nothing in this world really makes a damn bit of since. I'm still riding the fence on suicide and hanging on with whatever morsels of happiness I can manage (usually through getting high and escaping this ugly reality)..... I dunno how long I can keep doing this, sooner or later I'm gonna let the bullet fly and put an end to all this. This world is f*****g primative.

I'm beginning to believe that the world doesn't make any sense. The only time I can make any sense of it is when I do something absolutely idiotic, insensitive, etc, and then I am forced to come to terms with what I did. I see others do the same kind of things, tell myself I'd never do it, end up doing the same, wondering how it happened. I never really get any insight into it, other than that it involves casting aside any regard for the well-being (mentally or physically) of the other(s) involved.

All that comes from that is that I'm stuck wondering what the hell I let slide to allow myself to do _______ in the first place, I end up hating humanity (and therefore myself) a bit more, and I hope to God (even though I don't believe in said God) that I don't make the same mistake again, not for my sake, but for those I could potentially hurt from it.

Then I try to figure out what the hell I can do to "fix" what I've f****d up.

In the process of that now...

People who make sense are considered deviants. Also, when I read the works of deviants and find out that their internal logic, their attention to the facts, their use of details, show them to be more logical and rational than the so-called mainstream of humanity.

QFT.

I'm doing alittle better now that I have some smoke:) 420 just came at 1 in the morning:) lol I've gotta get to bed for tonight though, I will be planning on taking a vacation from this board for about 2 weeks starting sunday, as I will be checking myself in to a mental rehabilitation facility. Yeah but I gotta get to bed.... Goodnight everyone:)

Well, to be honest this world is crazy. But the thing is is that YOU realise this, therefore YOU have the power to create a little bubble of sanity in the maelstrom. That's how i cope with it: create a realm between you and those close to you that has no room for truely selfish behaviour, no room for betrayal, just honesty, and happyness and love. That way, there's a world in which you live in that is actually sane.

Sanity doesn't guarantee happiness though. Having things make sense is far more comfortable, but by eliminating or at least distancing anything that doesn't make sense, you end up losing a lot of what's out there.

I suppose. But at least by shutting it off, you can then introduce yourself to it a bit of a time, making things a whole lot easier. I mean i'm somewhat rejected by most people, but i still try and lead a normal, sociable life. But at the end of it all i've always got my little group to go back to.

In terms of sanity guarenteeing happyness, it's a much better shot than insanity. Last year i almost went insane because of the amount of grief i was feeling, so i know personally what it's like.

i really wished i had been left as an ape in paradise as well. someone has got some explaining to do

Yeah, I tried to kill myself a couple times. Also tried using drugs for a couple years.

Used to be into reading Foucalt, Derrida, and Wittgenstein. Talk about depressing. I've feel like I've learned more about this world than most people do in their lifetimes, simply because I tend to be very apathetic towards the human situation. George Carlin is a great comedian, youTube him, trust me you won't be disappointed.

People are animals. Most of them are still living in the reptilian section of the brain. The neocortex is a relatively recent development. Perhaps it is just another failed mutation. I wouldn't be surprised. We are gorillas with machine guns, tactical nukes, and an inflated sense of ego.

I am not sure what I will do with the rest of my life. Settle down, raise a family, live "normally". Yeah right. More likely write a William Burroughs novel and die from an OD. Anyway, if you need support, rehab advice, discuss nihilism, whatever, hit me up.

Consilience, the secret of life is to pull the good from out of the bad and to really see it. I see good in a lot of people, they know it, and they don't give me a lot of bad stuff. The trouble comes when you see a bad thing and it defines the whole situation for you.

Yeah, but good intentioned doesn't equal smart. Plus, despite being a rational person, I cannot help but see the emotional reality of my situation.

We are about as smart as we want to be.

I think if everyone didn't lie all the time the world might be a better place. There would be no lack of trust, and everyone could get along and understand each other maybe.

I'm getting to the point where I almost believe that nothing matters. Because our minds are all so feeble in the context of comprehending our universe, anything which is a product of our mind, to me, is likely to be faulty.

Trouble is, our entire world is a product of our mind, without our minds, nothing would truly exist as there would be nothing to process it. A bit like, if a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? well it makes the vibrations, but it's your mind that converts those vibrations and turns them into 'sound' just like 'time' is a human invention, without a mind to perceive it, time would not exist. Nothing really exists outside of the mind, everything is a mere interpretation and no one can truly say that one interpretation is better than another, thus we reach the point where there is no such thing as right or wrong, other than on a personal level and to me, I'm searchin g for a one true answer, what's the point of inventing your own answer, you could come up with anything and nothing would be any more correct than anythng else.

Trouble is that I'm pretty sure that there is no true answer to anything and so we are stuck with what we perceive and it feels so inconsequential that I'm going insane! With no foundation of certainty, what are you supposed to build your beliefs out of?

This world confuses the hell out of me.