How do you know when people really care about you?

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17 Mar 2014, 5:34 pm

I was brought up to be nice to people because "you never know when you might need them".

I always thought that was a heartless attitude to have and have done everything in my power to escape that mindset.

How do you know if people truly care about you as opposed to keeping you in their lives out of some sort of insurance or self interest?

Soccer22
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17 Mar 2014, 5:59 pm

You usually find out who your true friends are in time of need. By the way, I grew up being told "be nice to everyone because everyone is fighting a battle". My dad said to me all the time when I was a kid "even the McDonald's drive thru person, make sure you're nice to them and say thank you and tell them have a good day because your smile could be what they need in their dark days"

leafplant
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17 Mar 2014, 6:10 pm

Soccer22 wrote:

You usually find out who your true friends are in time of need.

I think that's a great fallacy and certainly hasn't been confirmed for me. For example, I know that I would happily help a great many people in need even though I have no intention of being friends with them and don't really care about them other than I don't want to see anyone suffer.

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17 Mar 2014, 6:12 pm

Quote:

You usually find out who your true friends are in time of need.

So true. You don't know who your true friends are until something happens. If they judge you, then you know.

My third grade teacher had the golden rule "treat others the way you want to be treated."

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leafplant
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17 Mar 2014, 6:31 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Quote:

You usually find out who your true friends are in time of need.

So true. You don't know who your true friends are until something happens. If they judge you, then you know.

My third grade teacher had the golden rule "treat others the way you want to be treated."

*headdesk* OK I know this is autistic board but still.. you DO realise that treating others how you want to be treated doesn't actually mean that others will treat you how you want to be treated, but instead means you will have the moral high ground?

====

I think it would have been more accurate to say - be nice to people, you never know when they will try to cause you harm

OnPorpoise
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17 Mar 2014, 9:12 pm

leafplant wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

My third grade teacher had the golden rule "treat others the way you want to be treated."

.. you DO realise that treating others how you want to be treated doesn't actually mean that others will treat you how you want to be treated, but instead means you will have the moral high ground?

I think it means "treat others the way you want to be treated" because you will feel a sense of worth and happiness by doing the right thing. And also, while it may not guarantee that people will do unto you as you've done unto them, it's more likely that if you do crap unto them they will make a point of doing crap unto you.

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17 Mar 2014, 11:46 pm

It makes me wonder why the people who taught you that are nice to you. And you should consider that also. But you should be kind to people because they are just like you. Recognize yourself in everyone you meet and you will find a reason to be kind to people that has nothing to do with getting something in return.

Kindness is its own reward.

heckeler06
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18 Mar 2014, 12:17 am

I have no idea if people or anyone really care about anyone else. I feel a lot of it is self interest (helping you so you help me later, or helping you because I feel good about it).

I have been gone for two years, am falling apart, and, to be honest, I had more people care about me when I pretended to care about basketball scores.

[Apologies for my negativity. Going through a rough time.]

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18 Mar 2014, 12:23 am

heckeler06 wrote:

The people who seem to be the most unkind to you are the ones who need someone to be kind to them most.

Rocket123
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18 Mar 2014, 1:21 am

League_Girl wrote:

My third grade teacher had the golden rule "treat others the way you want to be treated."

League_Girl - This has been my fall back rule since I was young (as it makes a lot of sense).

leafplant wrote:

Leafplant - I never thought about it that way. Nevertheless, there's nothing wrong with trying to model good behavior.

leafplant
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18 Mar 2014, 2:10 pm

As far as I am concerned, people being nice to others is about them, not others.

Hence

HOW do I know if someone truly cares about me? (and is not, for example, just being a nice person)

B19
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18 Mar 2014, 4:07 pm

They are there for you when the chips are done in a genuinely supportive way.

They encourage and respect you.

They affirm your best qualities.

They don't put you down to put themselves up.

They help you be more like your best self.

They are rare.

DukeJanTheGrey
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18 Mar 2014, 6:53 pm

Do those who seem not to care about you actually care about you more than you could ever wish? Did they treat you the way they did, so badly due to complications in there own life, due to there own vulnerabilities and insecurities? Do they miss you and feel guilt as much as you miss them and feel embittered? Were they just sociopaths who saw vulnerability in you and took advantage or are they themselves sickened by the way they treat you and the hard decisions they had to make in there own life? Life is very complex but i would never keep anyone in my life just so i could take advantage of them at a later date. I don't use people like that.

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19 Mar 2014, 2:27 pm

B19 wrote:

Sounds like my cats. I guess maybe I am not a good enough person to deserve to have people genuinely care about me. Definitely something to think about, thanks.

leafplant
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19 Mar 2014, 2:28 pm

DukeJanTheGrey wrote:

Did you just project your situation all over the place because otherwise you are not making much sense?

I am glad you are not a user of people, it's good to know.

sly279
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19 Mar 2014, 3:39 pm

leafplant wrote:

B19 wrote:

Sounds like my cats. I guess maybe I am not a good enough person to deserve to have people genuinely care about me. Definitely something to think about, thanks.

you don't seem like a not good enough person.

as to your question I don't know. I don't believe people's compliments and I've been abandoned too often to trust that anyone truly cares about me. I care deeply about people though. I am not sure how I show it. I just get upset when something happens to them, try to make them happy, and try to keep in touch.

I had a friend rush over when I was feeling low few weeks ago at 2 am even though he had to work at 5am, I guess that means he cares about me o.O

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