No wonder he's never grown up! They treat him like he's 15

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My husbands family drives me insane. Luckily, it's not that long of a trip. They have always constantly babied him in some ways and never let him have any responsibility, and while I'm not complaining about having help and a safety net, they have always bailed him out at the first sign of trouble all his life, so he's never had to deal with consequences. On the flip side of this, they constantly check up on him and he's never allowed much input at all even about important decisions effecting his own life, (and mine too!)

We have finally found a car I think. We are going tomorrow to look at it. My sister in law, who is the executrix of my mother in law's will and has her power of attorney and handles all the money is going to send us the money out of my husbands future inheritance so we can buy the car. However, she wants to talk to the guy first. She is actually going to check up on us, find out if what we tell her is true or not. See if the guy actually sounds on the up and up. I could understand this if it was her money she was sending, or their mothers money she was sending, but this is his money that is in an account for him to have when my MIL dies. His brother and sister both have one as well, but she's in charge of letting them have any. If he were 16 or 21 or even 25 I could see how she would feel the need to do this, but he's 50 f*****g years old! He has done some stupid things and lied to her and his mother about ridiculous things that he would have been better off telling the truth over, but he's not really somebody whose gone around scamming his family out of money for drugs or booze. On top of that, i'm the one that's been talking to her about this. I'm actually the level headed one in the relationship who can make good decisions. Nobody in his family thinks of me like that, they think I'm crazy (I am, but not that kind of crazy) and lazy and sketchy and all kinds of bad things, when I'm just trying to get by.

I looked for, and hopefully found, a decent car. I looked for, and found, a job for him to go to when we get the car. And I'll be the one waking him up in the morning and making him get up and go to work even though he doesn't want to or is hungover because even though he thinks I didn't know it, I know he bought and hid that pint of whiskey the night before and got shitfaced and he wants to try and make me think he's got a tummy bug instead of a hangover. I'm the one who juggles the bills and worries about the money. I'm the one who gets to be the bad guy and tell the kids no on things so we can pay the bills. I'm the one who he gets mad at and whines to and about because he doesn't have as much money to blow on stupid s**t after we pay the bills and buy the groceries. Yet I'm the one who is treated even worse than a child by his family.

God, those people drive me nuts. They expect him to have a work ethic but never made him work. They expect him to be responsible and adult but never let him suffer any consequences from things he has done. They taught him to be quiet and never show any unpleasant feelings or emotions and don't go overboard showing the good ones so he's seriously f****d up that way. His parents had him intimidated and terrified of them and all without spankings, just lectures, so to this day he would go to any extremes to avoid someone speaking to him in a disapproving manner. I've brought these things up with him and with them so many times, but I'm just looked at like I'm some kind of idiot and ignored.

His mother told me once before, years ago, that she and his dad would rather that the kids be afraid of them than love them because loving somebody doesn't make you mind them. Well, neither does being afraid of somebody the way they are afraid of her. DH and his brother will go to any lengths to hide something that their mother would be upset with them about, they will put off until the very last minute any discussion of something with her where they might be frowned at or she might sigh and roll her eyes. In my husbands case, this extends to other people as well. He will do anything he can to hide things from me he knows I'll get upset over, even if it's not something he's done wrong, and even in situations where if he had told me what the problem was I could have fixed it before it got really bad, ie; not being able to pay the power bill because he didn't get paid enough so rather than telling me he didn't pay it so I can call and make arrangements he will wait until they come out and cut it off before I find out. He just postponed my anger about the situation and made it worse so then I was mad at him for not telling me instead of being stressed about having to juggle the bills around.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. I'm grateful for the help they have given us. I just wish they hadn't f****d my husband up in the head and turned him into a passive aggressive p**** with the backbone of an 8 year old girl.

Mind how you talk about 8-yo girls.

I'm sure some 8-year-old girls have a proverbially bigger backbone than I do.

Oh, I am so tempted. So very, very, very tempted to make a compelling case about why they're right. I've never seen anybody go to such incredible lengths to shift responsibility on to other people. The amount of self-deception at work here is beyond staggering.

No, they aren't right. You don't know everything that goes on here, you only know the things I post. I don't post the boring day to day things where I'm keeping the house running and clean and keeping the bills paid and everything done and everything happy. That's not interesting so why should I post it. I post the drama and the crazy stuff here, because it's drama and crazy stuff.

I am not shifting any blame at all, I'm simply pointing out how he was psychologically stunted and is forever a kid. I take full responsibility for things I've f****d up and I've f****d up quite a bit, but I learn a lesson from my f**k ups and unlike him, I grew up. So, before you try to say I'm full of s**t because you simply don't like me or my opinions on things, realize that you don't know jack s**t that goes on here except what I tell yall. Nobody who just reads my posts on this forum is in any position to make any judgement at all of my actual life. A couple of people who I talk to on FB and am actually friends with would be, because they know the actual me and the day by day me and they would tell you that while I may be a little more adventurous than others, I'm nowhere near what you seem to think I am. So get off your high horse before you fall off and break your f*****g neck.

ETA: Also, you have been here a grand total of six months. You certainly haven't had time to know anything about me during that. I would imagine that after 27 years I'd be able to tell you a bit more about my husband and his family than some jerkoff reading some posts I put up would be able to.

I've only been here about six months, but that's been long enough to see you admit to multiple felonies. That's not even getting into the ethically questionable stuff.

Oh, so you are one of those holier than thou types.

If I'm such a horrible person, I wonder how I managed to get married and stay married for 27 years, and raise 4 great kids. I wonder how I've managed to get and keep jobs before we decided that I would be a stay at home mom, and how I've managed to easily find a job when we lived in the city and I needed to go to work some to help out with the bills or even to support us when my husband has been laid off and there was no work around in his field. I wonder how I've managed to make and keep good friends, and have someone there for me when I need them. I wonder why I actually developed self esteem and actually got to a point in my life where I am able to distinguish between people whose opinions should matter to me and people whose opinions shouldn't matter to me. I wonder how I've gotten through the various and prolonged shitstorms that life has thrown at me and came out on the other side stronger than I was before.

Just because you don't like my ethics or the way I sometimes do things doesn't make me a bad person. I might not have as much stress or have to actually resort to illegal activity from time to time to get things paid and get things solved if I lived alone in an apartment or even still at home with my mother and a s**t ton of cats, but I seriously doubt I'd have as much potential for happiness as I do with the life I do have. It's not perfect by a long shot, and it's not what I wanted for myself, and sure a lot of people can be happy alone but I'm not one of them. Even though I've been through hell and back with him, I do still love my husband very much and he does love me. How much love has your ethics and laws and moral code that you seem to cling so desperately to gotten you?

If my life's goal was to be thought of as a "good girl" and have nothing but gold stars lined up in some metaphysical score card by my name then I've failed miserably, but if my life's goal was to actually live my life and enjoy it and to hold my head up high and do what I gotta do to get through the day, whether other people approve or not, then I'm on the mark for my goals. Are you living your life or are you just marking time and hoping you don't get in trouble or attract attention? I'm not saying you have to get in trouble or do anything like I have done to be living your life, but you have to be willing to take chances sometimes. Like the man said, buy a ticket and ride the ride.

I know its off topic but I like your new Avatar OOM, I've been watching "Escape to the country" on one of our digital channels and they have a lot of those cottages on the show.

Thank you! I finally noticed that I had that winter avatar up so long and it's now spring, so I went looking for one I had in my files. I don't think I've used this one before and I like it, so I put it up. I had gone looking for the Beltane one, but I ran across this one before I found the Beltane one. I've always wanted to live in a house like that too.

EDIT: On second thought, for legal purposes, it's best not to bring that up again. WP's admins don't deserve that crap.

Which has nothing to do with anything I was talking about in my OP. So take your judgmental, whiney ass on cause nobody here cares about your opinion.

Back to the OP:

It seems like your hubby never fought back against excessive mothering. My mom is the same way. I'd still be like a 15 year old if I followed her advice. I've had to fight her to live my life and not hers.